As night and day in balance reach,
the summer slides to brumal sleep,
the flaked rose petals smile their last,
and autumn shadows stealthy creep.
Vibrating heads of ripened corn
prepare to take their final bow,
seasoned fields forfeit their bounty
felled and reaped beneath the plough.
A new song croons from softer lips
to hasten in the dying days,
softer brushstrokes change the hue
of oak and ash to russet blaze.
Trembling foliage slighted by the
cooling breath of a whispered breeze,
September dawns on numbered days
with scant respect for yielding trees.
A contest entry
- September by Tamera.
1200 points, ended September 5, 2007, 14 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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This is such a beautiful write; the words are well-chosen and weave a sense of tranquility. The flow was spectacular and the rhyming was so natural...this is a classic!
"A new song croons from softer lips
to hasten in the dying days,
softer brushstrokes change the hue
of oak and ash to russet blaze."
This stanza is amazing! I'm seriously really impressed with your rhyme. And I know exactly why you deserved the gold--this is perfect!
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Such a beautiful poem and written with elegance. Love the sound and texture of it. The poem sequence adds to the natural feel of the season. I loove September like a new cycle begins. Rich palette of colors.
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this is amazing and beautiful, you did a terrific job!
good luck!!!
stephanie
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This is very pretty I like what Jenfra said A dying year ..although to me September's always kinda fresh a new beginning .
I thought the imagery was fantastic!
Great work!
~Lisa~
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Promise...sing
Perhaps for
Trembling foliage slighted by the
cooling breath of a whispered breeze,
one could substitute
Trembling foliage slighted by
the cooling breath of whispered breeze,
as - at least in English as opposed to American - the i in foliage may be pronounced as an extra syllable ..
alternatively
Quivering foliage vented by if one wishes to go overboard with poesy
________
Variation on a theme treated with sensitivity and skill in an openly accessible approach - perhaps adding an explicatory definition for brumal in the notes may help those whose vocabulary is not as extensive as it might be -
Beautiful
A lovely poem that conjures up the sense of the dying year. I could feel myself out in nature enjoying her bounty.
Well done -
Nice work Well written and flowed well. I liked the subject and felt in peace as I read it.
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wonderful, that is but one word that i can think to say about this poem, keep it flowing and good luck in the contest
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Thank you for entering and good luck in the contest
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