Hollow kisses
upon winter skies
deliciously built
lives with heavenly
curses upon the hearts
of the imperfect
Serving society our
dignity on a diamond
studded platter
Kissing the darkness
and running from the
light
Sweet melodies of
Truth play out of
lustfully fabricated
lies
We're running from
the air that gives
us breath
Letting destruction
grab our heels;
refusing to see the
Truth
Hearing and seeing
constant proof
A long battle wages to
the very end
The Truth's enduring love
always holds on, but
destruction is always
at our heels
Author notes
Dark Whispers
In a list
A contest entry
- Society poems by Cwm.
300 points, ended September 24, 2007, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I'm sick of the same old crap! by Trent plus pen.
1100 points, ended September 13, 2007, 51 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Your Favourite Poem (for prewrites only) by Seeking Peace.
450 points, ended September 8, 2007, 61 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Round 1: Hit me With your Best Pre-write. by edit my world..
425 points, ended October 20, 2007, 64 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Your BEST Prewrite! - For Mike [degarmo] - by Never Fall in Love.
950 points, ended October 29, 2007, 130 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
-
man i love this one very beautiful good luck in the contest
-
please put ur AP name in the notes..ur poem is removed until then
-
This is a great piece, you have conveyed all you are feeling very well in this piece
Thank you for taking the time to enter your favourite prewrite in this contest, I wish you the very best of luck
Karen -
This is quite nice. The only things I would have worked on was not repeating "truth" and "heels". They are repeated because it emphasizes the meaning, but...you said 'truth' but then later on not only repeated it, but even gave 'truth' its own line; because it was repeated, it didn't hold as much power.
As for heels, the idea worked. But not the repetition.
I think if you worked on the phrasing; re-phrasing the parts where the unneccessary repititions were, the idea will still make sense and the same message will be put across, but also the ideas would stay fresh.
Besides that, the flow is smooth, and all together this is a lovely poem.
-
This poem seems quite popular, or you're a popular poet!
In any event thank you for entering the contest, sharing these important words with us. 
-
In my opinion
Review:
Line 1
Hollow kisses
upon winter skies
deliciously built
lives with heavenly
curses upon the hearts
of the imperfect
*There is something untrue within life, lively and bright personality can be seen even though there is a melancholic tune inside the heart.
*Love is an essential matter that lurks within each heart, and it is there even doubted.
Line 2
Serving society our
dignity on a diamond
studded platter
This is the deepest part, here in the persona of pure dignity was observed and cared.
Line 3
Kissing the darkness
and running from the
light
Escaping and hiding what is lurking within, which is love…
Line 4
Sweet melodies of
Truth play out of
lustfully fabricated
lies
Though one is trying to hide it, it will naturally bloom without control in the right time.
Line 5
We're running from
the air that gives
us breath
Letting destruction
grab our heels;
refusing to see the
Truth
Love is the material that shows significance of living, but which is mostly discarded due of low esteem and fear within, ending in suffering the consequences of doubting what is inside. “The feeling of emptiness and loss.”
Line 6
Hearing and seeing
constant proof
A long battle wages to
the very end
The Truth's enduring love
always holds on, but
destruction is always
at our heels
In the end love will outstand. But like entropy in chemistry, what is natural is the disorder, there will be always the shadow that will start a new war.
I'm not sure about this but this is what I feel and understand... -
-
You gave an execellent explaination, But I guess only I will know exactly what I was try to explain, the metaphor goes much deeper in my own mind, however you got soo close you just missed What the Truth was, it is more than an iconic metaphor for love, and destruction is more than just our enemy.
Thanks alot for taking the out to tell what my poem is saying to you
-
-
I like it a lot. You sound a little discouraged, though.
-
well written. really emotional reading,the depth and passion are amazing. i must say though that the font could be enlarged. it is really an eye strain to read this. thank you for sharing it. keep writing! God bless you always
-
Great write...perfect! Thank-you for sharing...
-
Wow...I did not realize we a master poet in our midst....wow...brilliantly done...I just LOVE it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! its a lot like the classical poetry. Like Sir Walter Scott or Shakespeare's work and since I greatly enjoy those authors I also enjoy your master piece. Thank-you for sharing this wonderful poem with us(me).
-
Wonderful
This is brilliant. What a piece of writing this is. Wonderful writing here. I love the use of your words here. There is deep emotion and passion in this piece and it flows really well. Well done for this
All the best
Waye
-
Oh my gosh. this is so good. This is superb. It is an Awesome write. You did an amazing job. The depth and emotion in this is absolutely refreshing
-
OMG I LOVE THIS! wow you did an absolutely brilliant job writting this! the depth and passion is astounding and also entrancing in a way. great write!
-
i know the destruction side of things, beautifully written poem, and so true to the words penned here. though the font could be darkened as someone else mentioned, my eyes are not that user friendly when it comes to bright colors but apart from the I liked this poem alot fo strength behind it and really emotional reading this I think each person will see something different behind the meaning.
-
"Sweet melodies of
Truth play out of
lustfully fabricated
lies"
Very well penned dear, an enviable piece of poetry to be sure, nice diction and voice. The only criticism I have is; perhaps you could darken the font a little, that's all. Well done!
-
Awesome!!!
Wonderfully written! Heart-and-soul-felt truths spoken!! Best of luck to you in this contest!!!
Adding your comment:
1 - 17 of 17
