I’m sorry you can hear the wind so well,
lament of too few decibels to spell
good music in your ears. I wish I could
reveal to you the growth left sealed inside
when one has split their life each time to change,
become that music. For my babies may
be gone, but only bring more yellows when
you modify said patterns of wind sound.
They’re normal cycles in a flower’s act,
and you don’t have to bring to halt all loss
around. I’m sorry you can’t hear as well
how colors fill the universe although
some stars explode at times and though we cry.
New days begin for everyone. You turn
the wind to breeze and if we could just swing
on its soft silk, we will be fine and rich,
with thousands more bouquets, reward from time.
Author notes
Written August 28, 2007
I wrote this for Sean.
Not sure if it's understandable, but I hope you like it and that things don't really bother you that much.
You're the sweetest to want to help and I thank you for it. I just don't want that to keep you from enjoying certain things. Really...
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
-
Very beautiful
-
Great write. Good title. Dandelions are special and unqiue.
-
i really like the format of this. its different, and thats whats good about it!
i love the parallel between the love that you have and a dandilion; it was really unique and done very well.
great write!
LXF
-
I hope your friend appreciates the poem and is touched by it. I like the prose block of it. Plus there are many sweet lines here.
-
-
Thank you very much
-
-
When I started to read this poem I was thinking "wow, she wrote a rhyming poem"!! The touch of rhyme in the opening lines is refreshing, Diana and the rhythm and meter of the first four lines were wonderful. Of course you know I love flowers as metaphor and you've applied the dandelion metaphor wonderfully here... the seasons of a flower and its seeds so well-written here...especially "you turn the wind to breeze" - I so love that line. This poem has a singing quality to it...lyrical and not often that I see you write that way - but I loved this one.
~ Nicolette
-
-
Thanks, Nicolette. Lol, it's a coincidence, this is the poem I was talking about. It sounds different because it's written in iambic pentameter, I guess, which I don't really like doing but it applies better for whom I dedicated this too. I'm really glad you liked this.
-
-
The style was individual and very impressive, and I enjoyed the metaphor you have used.
I think it needs a bit of pruning (no pun intended haha) to make it a little more understandable - but I also respect that this is part of the style and give you a lot of respect for it
Goodluck!
Much love and respect.
Trento! -
-
Thanks for the comment. I appreciate it and I'm glad you liked the style. Which part did you find confusing? I wrote this for a friend and I'd like to make it as eloquent as possible (though it's harder to edit, because unlike my general style it's metered). Thanks for your time
~Diana -
-
Ummm, I tfeel its the style of the poem seems to congest the writting a little.
I think it would work better in a short-sharp style.
E.g.
I'm sorry you can't
Hear the wind so well,
Lament of too few decibles,
To spell good music in your ears.
I wish I could... -
-
It sounds to me like you mean just make each line shorter. That might work. I'll do that in my Word editor and see if it looks better. Thanks for the suggestion.
-
-
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 12 of 12
