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Shadow Dancer

The sheets still slightly crumpled
on her side of bed
A pillow holds an essence
where she laid her head

 

A kiss that's but a memory

washed away in tears

A note that says remember me

yellowed from the years

 

A picture that i hold on to

shattered from the past

Faded words say i love you

beneath the shards of glass

 

I dance alone in shadows

to have you once again

 

 

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 15 of 15

  • Blue-Rose Beauty
    September 6
    Edit | Reply
    Yes. It has potential.


  • BabyBun silver member
    August 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Great entry - thanks and best of luck.


  • Malkolis
    March 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    unfortunately it seems that everything i want to say about your poem was already said by the judge below me. So i will just refer you to her comment and plant my image Upon it.

    thank you for entering


  • SurelyWritten
    March 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I didn't like the first stanza, I adored the second stanza, didn't like the third stanza, and I loved the ending couplet for this write. So in other words I am very torn about this poem, and about how I feel towards it.

    The parts I loved were amazing, but the other parts lacked a lot. This will be very hard for me to judge. I also really like the title.


    I am asking that everyone in the contest send me a message or respond to my comment telling my why they chose the particular poem they entered, for my contest. Only contestants that do this will be eligible for winning when it comes time for judging.

    Thanks for entering,
    Shirley

    (A more critical review may follow during judging, but no applauses will be given to any entry, even the ones that deserve them.)


  • Nikki Rowles
    March 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I like this one, but I wouldn't have ended it there....I just seems to drop off....It is good...but if you can I would suggest adding some too it


  • ellipsist
    January 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i really like the alliteration in the following line:

    "yellowed from the years"

    i really like the final couplet, as well... makes me think of someone being driven to madness by unrequited love... remind me a bit of Ophelia, but I have just had Ophelia on my mind lately... kind of tragic... by the way, feel free to use lower case "i's" whenever you feel the need to in poetry... this is a common practice/utilization of poetic license, at least in recent years... sorry, i normally don't read other's comments before making my own, but i did this time, and that comment struck me... i'll now go back to minding my - business thanks for the entry!


  • Oktobere Sahnge
    December 10, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    ~Technical criticism:
    I should be capitalized.
    ~Poetical criticism:
    'tears' and 'years' is an overly used rhyming pair.
    ~Overall:
    Good. =] I like how clearly the sadness crept into the open through the mentions of time.

    Good luck,
    Lysander
    <3

    • bluecollarlove
      December 14, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      You are entitled to your opinion but Rose is a rose no matter how you say it.Although I do agree with overly used cliche's I believe this is a bit different.You jhave made me think though.Thanks for reading and your honest comment.


  • A63-Angel
    September 29, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    awesome

    what an emotional piece! i so can relate but from a woman's point of view. you put such emotion into all your words, i can see the crumpled sheets on the bed, feel your pain...very, very good write.

  • bluecollarlove
    September 9, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you very much.And now I am off to watch the Browns beat the Steelers.Football starts today.Thanks again and have a great day.


  • cutiepie gold member
    September 9, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This was poignant...the title fits the poem very well, as we all have shadows hidden away that dance into mind every now and again I enjoyed very much the softness of your words, they held no recrimination just sad regret. Bravo


  • Touchof1der silver member
    September 1, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Okay now... you are really hitting that romantic core within me. You have a soft, sensual way of infusing emotion and imagery that is simply breathtaking for the reader.

    a picture that I hold on to
    shattered from the past
    faded words say I love you
    beneath the shards of glass

    That stanza really shows the power of your words and imagery. This is great writing. The rhyme is smooth and flows exquisitely. ;f
    ♥ Touchof1der


  • JoyfulWriter
    August 30, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    So sad but breathtaking words convey so much emotion to the heart....this is quite perfect in flow and content....have a wonderful day...smiles, Terry


  • freebutsafe
    August 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I thought at the end ...you could do two more lines to even it up...but otherwise Bob, as usual, you know love!


  • azlyn gold member
    August 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    That is just lovely and so sad. I like this a lot! Sorry if you are going through this...no fun at all!!!
    Love~
    Az

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