when?
the change
flipped the sit of
insane
slipped the reigns
to voices
that rang
megalomaniacal
upon fore-father ears
leaving a queer
unwholesome tang
on the air
turning the free
and the brave
into the paranoid
and the nepotist
squeezing off
a loaf of hard-won
metaphor
like road kill
or the blacked
nubby corpse
of thrown-off
tire tread that
reeks of
pointless death
by mechanized
behemoth
on lonely
midnight highways
where boogeyman
giggles fill
the breath
of mental tracings
as you stare
at the road
and see
one gunbarrel
eye
wielded by a hand
mother insisted
you wash
before
sitting down to supper
a recognizable
mental landscape
of the masses
where lies the moment
of the new synonym
invading, pillaging
modern man thesaurus
an ethereal
doomsday weapon
insanity....humanity
_______________________________________________
A Lament for Liberty...Knowledge...Wisdom
I lament the reek of this, my hour.
For I too must own this parched, rotting glen.
The stagnant waters that dilute my pen.
Common mug in mass mirrors, a glower.
A vapid relinquishing of power.
Vitriol drips from the adjective...men.
Oh! that we could be lifted up again.
With sense of purpose that isn't sour.
A memory of they who stood apart.
Loving liberty, crossed the churning sea.
With strength of character, majestic, free.
When such was the common path of life's way.
Ideals held lofty by those pure of heart.
Impervious to the coming decay.
Divinity sensed, meteor shower.
Sparkling magic from another when.
Vision clear, wisdom was the rule then.
Recognition of the dark and dower.
A budding nation, the sweetest flower.
Rebel spirit, a welcome, cherished friend.
Swearing to bring about tyranny's end.
Undeserving princeling, knocked from tower.
What caused the murky resurgence to start?
Where lost, the majesty that used to be?
Gettysburg? Or perhaps Wounded Knee?
History, a teacher, no need to pay.
Anesthetized by heaping shopping cart.
No longer daring what Liberty may.
Author notes
FOR POETIC CHALLENGE SEASON FOUR FINALS!
http://allpoetry.com/column/show/2337720
Our challenge: To write a formal version (form, meter, rhyme) and a free verse version of the same poetic expression.
For the form portion I elected to do a double Petrarchan (Italian) Sonnet, in pentameter. Each of them consists of an octave with the rhyme scheme a b b a a b b a and a sestet with the rhyme scheme c d d e c e. The "volta" or "turn" commences with the sestet.
_____________________________________
I have expressed before how important a place Poetic Challenge holds for me. I believe I have gained some of the greatest insight I possess about writing poetry through my participation in Poetic Challenge, and not simply in this season alone.
But I had an epiphany this season.
The responses I have recieved have inspired me to step up my game. To be completely present in the words I put on paper, and not just exercise my oh-so-clever tongue. I have stepped outside of my box. No matter how grand a box may be, the air is always fresher in the great outdoors.
The rewards come from astonishment expressed by those who have always admired my work. So the astonishment says I have had a metamorphosis. Perhaps an emergence from a cocoon.
This has occured in spite of a complacency in a well respected comfort zone. It feels good to stretch. This season of Poetic Challenge has made me limber indeed. It was the high level of expectation that is held for my work, by judges I greatly admire that caused the break out.
The improvement in my work shows most, I believe in my most recent entries. I believe that best expresses both why I deseve to win, and my opinion of this excellent Poetic Challenge.
Though, I wish to say, whether I win the actual challenge this season, I have already won, by what I have gained from participating, and the level necessary to achieve in order to be competitive among such talented entrants!
______________________
For me this piece embodies the epiphany I mentioned above:
http://allpoetry.com/poem/show/3248364
I feel the style of this piece, the spareness of the words, and the depth of metaphor show my progress well.
http://allpoetry.com/poem/show/3303006
I am known for wordiness, and a broad vocabulary, I was very proud of what I did when challenged to limit myself to ten words only.
http://allpoetry.com/poem/3145002
Thank you for the excellent experience this season has been!
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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You've woven a very powerful piece here, and throughout the entire challenge, I have been in awe of your entries....I wish you all the best as I am sure you will place well in the final round.
**Ktulu Blackwolfe**
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DK,
Indeed your poetry has changed a great deal... though you have always been power and intriguing, you have taken that to a new level indeed!!!! It is amazing@ I adore this. 'Your comment humbles me... and has certainly made me smile... it is not about the win, but the growth within ourselves.
You, for two season have left me in awe. This is a powerful end.
I have no idea what the scores will be... but I am certain I have gained a friend and a favorite through you
And I would be honored to have you judge with us nextseason. Hope fully you will accept that invitation regardless.
Now your piece was most interesting to me in freeverse, simply because it is your particular area of growth this season. Your wording is perfect, and you have trimmed in all the right spots. Your layout of the pieces was well done... and nicely select, because you know how I feel about presentation.
Well done DK! You rocked this challenge
99.
Mel
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You amaze me with your stellar poetry.
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Oh my ~
Simply divine scripture of verse to bathe in ~
Wow....what a way to end your Challenge Diana ~
I felt caught up in rapture by this piece ~
I must say though.....at first I thought I wanted you to
place your FV entry first....but then after I read
more, and more and more into that beautiful Sonnet,
I was floored to say the least ~
I am glad you opted to bring on your game....
.....this is what desiring to win is all about ~
I felt as if I was at an Opera, and you were
the Conductor, waving her magical Quill to every
beat of your thought and dipping into your Ink to
write the music which only you can write ~
This is splendid in every aspect ~
The Presentation....the flow....the gramatical choices...
....the Theme....the Form.....umm....I'm really impressed ~
I am still in awe as I just read it again......such a smooth tempo
and a lovely tide of imagery pouring onto your stage ~
Bear standing in ovation clapping ~
Here are some other areas I used
to Judge your work Hun ~
You sure came out of hiding to
shine like the star Poet you are
Good luck...and well done,
Bear ~
Title/s 9.6
Flow 9.5
Depth 9.4
Theme 10
Feelings 10
Grammar 9.7
Presentation 10
Uncommonness 10
Sit & Ponder Affect 9.5
Ability to follow Rules 10
Bears Score: 97.7
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"A Breath of Fresh Air"
Interesting association between text and context with a gray green background echoing the words of wisdom
About time for DK to "take up arms against a sea of troubles"
./.unwholesome tang
on the air
turning the free
and the brave
into the paranoid
and the nepotist./.
and take time off under gallic clime with a bicycle a beret and a baguette ?
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Simply superb, as is virtually anything you touch with intent. Wordiness?? Smiling, you can be as wordy with me as you chose, or you can say nothing, either way you're a treasure for me, indeed for all. The poem, while marvelous is beyond me to critique, it would be like critiquing your eyes...impossible
len
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