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Who Am I?

Missing image

 Who Am I?

Am I the one who dares to vision a perfect world,

Where a person such as me can be more than just a girl.

Am I strong enough to be, all that I could be?

In a world where there’s strife and animosity.

 

My friends say don’t set my sights too high

The world can knock you down hard and make you cry.

To these friends I say,

 

     "You are you and I am me."

I refuse to live in a world of mediocrity.

 

There are many steps I must climb and the future so unsure,

I am woman,  I know there will be hurdles I must endure.

I will face each new day with a positive and aggressive attitude,

And will reject my friends and their meaningless platitudes.

To them, again I will say,

 

   "You are you and I am me"

I refuse to live in a world where I can’t be free.

 

I am ready to leave mom and daddy’s nest

Life and it’s virtues I am ready to test.

Some other friends think I am unworldly and naïve,

But I am ready to live life’s trials, and all it perceives.

To these happless friends I say,

 

"You are you and I am me",

And because of you all,this apple didn't fall, far from it’s tree.

 

So my friends I will part with this for you to ponder,

I am woman, I am free, I will love life and all its wonder.

I have learned from you all, and still maintained my free will,

A part of me is in all of you, a part of you all, is instilled in me.

I am woman, I am free, and still You are you, and I AM ME!!!

Author notes

I wrote this piece while reflecting back when my daughter left for college, and subsuquently the nest. These are some of the feelings I am sure she had . Funny, but this contest made me think about a talk we had many, many moons ago, and how she wanted to accomplished her dreams and how she led her life since. Her way. She is now a designer in the garment district of NYC. She is expecting her second baby and married to the best guy she could ever have married. So you see she truly accomplished all she set out to do and I respect and love her more than life itself.So You Go Girl! Theres still alot more for you to accomlish and the world is at your fingertips..Dad

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 52 of 52

  • Reba
    June 27
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    What a wonderful tribute to a terrific accomplished daughter...by an accomplished Father.....bravo.
    Reba


  • stella187
    February 5
    Edit | Reply

    I am sorry.

    I should take more notice of A Ns.

    Jenny

  • stella187
    February 4
    Edit | Reply
    Maybe you are like me and just make it up as you go along.

    Jenny


    • LovinCharmer gold member
      February 4
      Edit | Reply

      Was written for my daughter

      Hi Stella..Who Am I was written for a contest, but originated from conversations I had with my own daughter at a point in her young life when she was very unsure of herself....


  • stella187
    February 4

    Edit | Reply

    I love it; all of it.

    Makes perfect sense to me. Do you live by what you say here or are you just giving yourself good advice.

    Hope all is well with you.

    Jenny


    • LovinCharmer gold member
      February 4
      Edit | Reply

      Probably both..lol

      you can get a better picture of the piece Jenny, if you read my authors notes...Thank you for your review and interest..I really appreciate it...Andy


  • lovemedeath
    December 1, 2008
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    wow thats amazing!! i like it!! great job i think tat ur daughter is lucky to have u!


  • penman gold member
    November 9, 2008
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    Wonderful

    Very creative and so well done. A great expression. Congrats on the silver.


  • Star Shine
    September 17, 2007
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    Great personification of the opposite sex, very strong powerful words and a great shouting tribute.


  • The Poetic Bandits gold member
    September 16, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Poetic Bandits Reading List reward: 3 applause.
    Thank you for your participation in the group!


  • ronnica
    September 16, 2007

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    Strong write its determination almost leaps off the page, worthy of silver. good flow and stay free.

  • Susan E. Pennycuff
    September 12, 2007
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    This is very good dear, I did find one small nit but easily fixable:

    and still maintained my free will ( should be maintain)

    I think a copy of this should be in women shelters, would be a great thing to help encourage them. Sometimes that is all they need is a little encouragement to know that all they need is to refuse to live in mediocrity.


  • LittleAnn
    September 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Wonderful write with a great message... I really enjoyed reading it.
    I love the picture and background as well.
    Thanks for sharing and congrats on the silver!
    Keep on writing!
    Annie


  • Florida Sunshine
    September 5, 2007
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    WOW

    ummmm, this is out of this world powerfully good! DANG i'm glad I'm a girl!!!! NICE JOB!


  • Sandygram silver member
    September 3, 2007
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    Beautiful Poem

    Hello and Congratulations on winning the Silver. This was such a lovely write. It made me reflect on my own feelings as my children left the nest. My youngest son got married this week so they are all on their own now. I so enjoyed reading your heartfelt poem this morning. You take care. Sandy


  • Tamera
    September 2, 2007

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    I love rhyme and meter so this was an enjoyable read for me. Having 2 daughters who've left home made it easy for me to identify with the message within it. You wrote beautifully about it.


  • samueldouglas
    September 1, 2007

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    I hate rhyme, but my preconceived notions aside, this is a good piece. You're good at getting in your daughter's character. Good words. Good job!


  • Talking Toni gold member
    August 30, 2007
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    Awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    You gave your daughter's words a voice in this piece of poetry!!! great rhyming and flow. The content was so heartfelt and your words painted such a vivid picture in my mind. I could see her talking to her friends, not being swayed from her resolve to be all that she could be!!!Thanks for leading me to this poem it was well worth the reading!!!~~Toni~~


  • Lady Altheia gold member
    August 29, 2007

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    All little birds must leave the nest some time. As parents raise their children right, in turn, it is time for children to fly. If you raise them right have fiath they will do the right thing.


  • The Hermit
    August 29, 2007
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    Don't worry your daughter will be fine.I am sure of it . very good poem.


  • RatherImaginative silver member
    August 29, 2007

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    There's a wonderful message within these lines about not settling just because it's expected. Hopefully those "friends" will follow the example of nonconformity, and press one to follow a path she might not wish to take.

  • cherchezlafemme
    August 28, 2007
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    This is awesome poetry! A very unique theme to write about and you do it with great art. Leaving home is not easy but with the support of parents it is more manageable. It is hopeful and freightening at once. Lots of thoughts in guidance for a new journey.


  • Heavens Child
    August 28, 2007
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    A very solid write. You've done an excellent work with rhythm and rhyme. I must agree with Jared that me should be you because in the following line you say 'you hard and you cry. It would sound better to keep it consistent. I love the overtone of strength and power. It says I am woman hear me roar! An inspiring piece of poetry.


  • dianes
    August 28, 2007

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    I am woman, I am free, and still you are you, and I AM ME!!!
    great message in the whole write...totally enjoyed my read...ty for sharing..


  • Viyanna Rosemarie silver member
    August 28, 2007

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    I am woman, I am free, I will love life and all its wonder.

    that is my favourite part as every young lady needs to know her strength. thank you for sharing this with me tonight. viyanna rosemarie


  • Creatress
    August 28, 2007
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    "A part of me is in all of you, a part of you all, is instilled in me.

    I am woman, I am free, and still you are you, and I AM ME!!!"

    Very well done. A lovely coming of age poem. Welcome to outside the nest. Good luck to you out there. Best be careful.
    Creatress

  • xRazorBladeRomancex
    August 28, 2007

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    I love it I know what you mean...about what you want..and who you want to be...Im not out of high school yet...but I have high hopes..great peice


  • Jaredactyl
    August 28, 2007

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    Wow, what a tough question to tackle...Who am I?.

    You've done it quite well here, I must say. I like the openness and unapologetic rawness you write with. It's very real, and strong.

    Overall, an excellent write. I think you really portray the emotion well, and once again, the strength comes through brilliantly.

    Just a few minor things you may want to consider:

    "My friends say don’t set my sights too high
    the world will knock you hard and make you cry"
    -I was a bit confused here. It seems as though it would make more sense saying "My friends say don't set YOUR sights too high, the world will knock YOU down and make YOU cry." or "My friends say don't MY sights too high, the world will knock ME down and make ME cry." If you're establishing you ("me") as the subject, it needs to stay consistent or the reader assumes you are going to make us cry. Also, if it is a quote, I would suggest quotation marks for ease of flow.


    "There’s many steps I must climb and the future always seems unsure,"
    -Just a minor tweak here, if "Steps" is your subject, then "There's" should be "There are" since "stairs" is plural.

    "Life and it’s virtues I am ready to test."
    -Once again, very minor tweak. "It's" is a contraction for "It is" while "its" is a possessive as you're intending. Remove the apostrophe and you're golden!

    Excellent poem, once again. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it.

    Cheers.



  • irishmidnight
    August 28, 2007

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    Complete

    A beautiful write. Absolutely beautiful. If only more of the people in this world could see life as you do...congrats...great work!!!


  • Girl With Guitar silver member
    August 28, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    "Ponder" and "wonder" don't rhyme very well.
    I love the gneral message, but I find that the title doesn't really fit the poem too much, because for me "Who am I?" asks the question that can't be answered easily but this poem is so sure of it. The poem itself however is great, so well done.

    Bandaid.


  • misticmoonlite gold member
    August 28, 2007

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    Memories are great,

    thinking back of those you love,memories are to be in your heart for your lifetime and theirs, thanks for sharing and good luck...Linda


  • God is my reality
    August 28, 2007

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    Wow. This is so good. You expressed yourself in such an amazing way. It makes me think of who I am. You did a great job with this. I like the whole theme of figuring out who you are. Great job and excellent write


  • rollingzen
    August 28, 2007
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    Bon Voyage!!!!


  • Devils Reject
    August 28, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    "So my friends I will part with this phrase for you to ponder,

    I am woman, I am free, I will love life and all its wonder.

    I have learned from you all, and still maintained my free will,

    A part of me is in all of you, a part of you all, is instilled in me.

    I am woman, I am free, and still you are you, and I AM ME!!!"
    this is so awesome! i love it!


  • starwing
    August 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    this was so true..and very easy to read and understand..this could be set to music actually
    ... peace and harmony..and i recently had my daughter "leave the nest" also...


  • NoWorldforTomorrow
    August 28, 2007

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    Strong finish, and good subject matter, it flowed quite well and the rhymes seemed very natural. good write.


  • magloveschrist
    August 28, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    great

    i love it great work


  • Flying Eagle
    August 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    This is very well thought out work.

    This poem says allot for a young person begging life’s experiences. You are you, and I am me we should all live in a world where we can be free.


  • quantumsurveyor
    August 28, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I am all for women being women and succeeding beyond the sadly obvious as put on them by men. Just as in
    I am a man and a man's man I will be
    Coming home to eat the tea you made for me (LOL!)

    No, honestly, this is a splendid poem and expresses itself well and I like it.


  • AkaBaki
    August 28, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    oh yeah

    i love the picture


  • AkaBaki
    August 28, 2007

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    lovin it

    i like the idea of the poem and the title. My fav. lines are...
    So my friends I will part with this phrase for you to ponder,

    I am woman, I am free, I will love life and all its wonder.

    I have learned from you all, and still maintained my free will,

    A part of me is in all of you, a part of you all, is instilled in me.

    I am woman, I am free, and still you are you, and I AM ME!!!

    a lot of people don't know who they are. i wish everybody could just be themselves.
    allie


  • Lord Dracon
    August 28, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I think this is wonderful! The part that caught my eye was: "Some friends think I am unworldly and naïve," To survive in this crazy world you must have an unworldly attitude, if yo get consumed in worldly things your life will go a muck. You did an excellent job on this, enjoyed reading!


  • heygoo
    August 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    You show great wisdom in penning this speech to freedom from your child's point of view. It takes great courage as a parent to let go of the reigns. To understand this and to express it loudly here speaks of a wonderful relationship. As to the poem, I felt some of the lines were a bit wordy taking away from the rhythm and flow of the piece. Overall the rhyme scheme was well done. Nice job with this.


  • LearningHow2Smile
    August 28, 2007
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    This is an amazing piece, and a way of thinking more need to adopt. In a world where the poor stay poor and the rich stay rich, it's important to have a "your opinion be damned, I'm grabbing this bull by the horns" mentality.

    Keep up the great writing!


  • Cannonsfire
    August 28, 2007
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    I am glad you do not choose to live in a world of medocrity for that is how the people in power perceive we should be, it is nice to know there are others out there who strive to be better and mae the world a better place for all to live in and not the chaos we continually have to have thrown in our face. Love, C


  • grannyeri gold member
    August 28, 2007

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    Liked th repetition of that one line - really reinforcecd that thought throught these lines. Each one of us is unique and has something that we can strive for. Hard sometimes to have friends turn down your ideas,but one has to stick to their beliefs and do what is right for themselves, not for others. Great way to explain this in this poem - liked the presentation too. Enjoyed this read - has your daughter seen it? Well done.


  • esroddo silver member
    August 28, 2007

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    Outstanding write

    I love ending of this write awesome piece like a quote of lIfe. Like something we as women can live from. LISA
    "So my friends I will part with this phrase for you to ponder,

    I am woman, I am free, I will love life and all its wonder.

    I have learned from you all, and still maintained my free will,

    A part of me is in all of you, a part of you all, is instilled in me.

    I am woman, I am free, and still you are you, and I AM ME!!!"


  • cutekitten789
    August 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    this is a good peice... i feel inspired to change my life because of this poem... its very passionate


    • LovinCharmer gold member
      August 28, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Thank You

      I am so happy that you got the message that "Who Am I" meant to give. I see by your picture that you are a young lady just about ready to see the world from an adult eye.Just remember, alway's be yourself, be honest and be true. Take all you have learned from all of your friends and relatives. Keep all you have learned from them in perspective then form your own opinions about life. Out of all the great comments and long feedbacks I have recieved for this piece yours is the one I treasure the most. In one line you made the whole piece worth writing. I will be looking for your work and commenting whenever I can...Once again Thank You , You made my Day...LC

  • EncounteredEpiphany
    August 27, 2007

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    Awesome Write!

    This is a tutta bella piece of art the words flowed as if you painted the words into a mural of visions,great job!!! LO-AMO!! SALUTE!!!


  • just mercedes gold member
    August 27, 2007

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    Yes

    I like it that you insist on your rights to freedom, free will and its consequences, and still recognise that we are all due the same rights - painful letting go, sure, but you can't have what you can't give others. A good write.


  • StarEyes
    August 27, 2007

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    I had to read this one... I have one called Who Am I? also. And this read, only reminds me that this is the last year my youngest one will be at home. He turns 18 in March and graduates in June... I can honestly say I really am not looking forward to that day... But yet I am too. A lot of mixed feelings about it!

    You did a great job on this one!! Thanks for sharing this one!!!!

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