The hateful pull us every way.
It is not safe by night or day.
I only long to see you smile.
Smile, Sarah, for a while.
My mind is dark and full of pain.
It has been killed by former rage.
Hold me close and ease the pain.
Smile till I love again.
Let me know that love lives on.
Pain can break, but like a song,
the memory keeps it moving on.
Free me, love, and make it gone.
I dream at night beneath the stars,
and wonder desperately at where you are.
Come free me from this well of pain.
Smile and I'll love again.
I cannot promise Life is kind.
The pain is there and fast reminds.
Soothe me and I'll live again.
Love me and we won't pretend.
Pain is always on the far horizon -
bleeding hearts and tortured brains.
Love me and we'll see together.
Love me through the darkest days.
Men these days just laugh at love.
Put no faith in God above.
Determined there to get their own.
I just want you and you alone.
Love me as I dare to try.
Love me, I don't compromise.
My love is true inside the pain.
Free me and I'll love again!
A contest entry
- "Your Favorite Prewrite" by Virgoan.
500 points, ended September 3, 2007, 103 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Largest Contest On AP!!!! by xxRainbowDawnxx.
3000 points, ended August 26, 2008, 1708 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - round one (for everyone) prewrite contest ENTER ENTER ENTER (AND YES THAT MEAN'S YOU too by serenity silvermoon.
927 points, ended February 16, 1509 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ~Anything~ <3 by vampireblood.
520 points, ended May 29, 51 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I have Fallen... in Love by WhiteGirl.
750 points, ended June 1, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - prewrite conest by serenity silvermoon.
1500 points, ended June 12, 429 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 23 of 23
-
Nice
The 3rd Verse is my Favorite.
-
I love the poem, it really has a good strong force behind it
-
quatrain form always adds strength and your rhymes didn't hurt this poem either. I am not sure how much of your work I have visited, after this I will visit a couple and see, but your short sentence structure and periods sort of break up the flow of the poem. When I read it aloud, and follow punctuation and sentence structure it is like hitting a bunch of speed bumps, and for a poem of 8 stanzas that is a long read.
There isn't a whole lot of imagery in this poem. It fits the label of devotional poem, for Sarah obviously.
this poem for me lacks a little more poetic device other than structure, syllable count and rhyme.
Lastly the last two or three stanzas were full of the love abstract usage, perhaps try letting the reader know what you think love is and make it real to them. Thanks for sharing.
Jim -
I like this song to life
To will to move past pain
To believe in love
The path to intimacy
Begins at forgiveness
Passes through renewed trust -
Dear Oce
Very poignant and very true as well. There ARE people who bring out the best in us. It is not always someone we are in love with as is clear in this poem's case but you will know when you find that someone.
Nice work Oce! Haven't seen your work in a couple of years. Nice going with the book as well!
I can see why you chose this poem for the contest!
John
-
Awww, this is so sweet yet sad. I loved the emotion in this. I agree it has a lyrical feel to it.
Nice work, keep it up.
-
I loveeeeed this. This piece is amazzzzzzzzzzing. [:
The word choice was stroung. This had a real lyrical feel.
I could so see this in a song format. [:
Xoxo,
xSierraaaSays -
this had a real lyrical feel to it...I could almost hear the words in a song as I read long...You have penned yourself a real winner here! Thanks for sharing!- Kendal
-
I agree...his poem touches the heart
and pulls on our souls...very tenderly
and powerfully!
I loved it!
it has whisperings of a sonnet.
FABULOUS SONNET WRITER YOU WOULD BE!
ears/Seattle
is there anything more beautiful
then the heights of honesty.
BRAVO! BRAVO! Great poem!
-
A most excellent and finely done and tuned poem, with a great rapid pace that is sustained throughout the poem--not always so easily done. Loved it!!!
-
Wow,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,..........................
Love me as I dare to try.
Love me, I don't compromise.
My love is true inside the pain.
Free me and I'll love again!
awwwww.
it's brilliant, there is one more Sarah,,,,,,,
she loves meeeeeeeeeee but no she loves me more than love. well, im going to show this poem to her. Wow, Such a wonderful write
by
the poet of hearts and beautiful words
-
i really loved it
aww its so sad. it really hits close to home on this one.... ;( missing something you cant have.......
Let me know that love lives on.
Pain can break, but like a song,
the memory keeps it moving on.
Free me, love, and make it gone.
Love me as I dare to try.
Love me, I don't compromise.
My love is true inside the pain.
Free me and I'll love again!
those are my favorite parts^^^^^
keep up the good work.... :] -
I felt the sincerity within this write dear poet " love me and we won't pretend" the poet does not cloak with metaphor but says reality is real and this, this is the real deal, let us love through the ups and downs and still remain in love, perhaps that is the truest test of love, if it remains through all that weathers us all seasons round...
-
Excellent
This is it! The BEST. This Sarah really inspired you!
----------
-
-
Ellis
Hey! How r ya? I hope you're feeling fine. I miss you when you don't write! Drop a line! Don't make me jealous!
- ocerus
-
-
Ocerus
Thank you for caring, Ocer. Parkinson's is progressive, but it gets you slowly, so I have some time to go.
-
-
-
Certainly very heartfelt, filled with sentiments well expressed in these lines; good rhythm, rhyme and flow to this poem; personal and up close; easy to read and understand. Thanks for commenting on my poem earlier today. Appreciate you dropping by.
-
bravo
Certainly a heartfelt and poignant piece with some fine meter and some good rhyme throughout. bravo... bravo... bravo... -
I love the flow, the message I understand far too well.
-
Better than most when they try to rhyme.
-
I like the rhymes. They are lyrical and not forced. In effect, I feel they are quite real. I love the repetition of the smiles. This is very emotive, very vulnerable, yet very forceful. And I love it. You express something I've felt many times
-
Wow this has such a beat to it. Just kinda goes in a like song. I love it! Amazing write!
MINDIE
-
Contemporary and the realization of this being so close to near is awesome.
Thanks so much for participating in my contest. I wish you all the best. I encourage you to keep on writing my friend.
>>>VIRGOAN
Adding your comment:
1 - 23 of 23
