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One for the road


"One for the road" recollection dons a sardonic half smile,
denials decadence dances through clenched teeth,
Memories yet to occur, intermingle with thoughts

of yesterday,

Snapshots, black and white cine film

replayed on the graying wallpaper of my mind,

Like smoke signals on some distant plain
billowing, pain rises with each breathe.

I feel no physical pain,  Grief and loss hit me harder than the car. 

my heart breaking in an already broken body,

My family are going to wonder where I am,

have I already gone, will I see them again,

Cold penetrating, invading my senses,
I take comfort from the warmth of my blood,
my warm pool pillow, seeping,
sleeping that's what I need to do,

one more story please mummy,

do I read or listen, confusion causes panic...
strange now to think the barman's last words were

"hit the road".

Author notes

Mothers against drunk driving

In a list

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • ThisIsMyWonderland
    February 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This deffinetly upset me a lot. not as in the poems professionalism, but because this was so cloes to home. Thank you very much for this. It was EXACTLY what I wanted on this subject. The wording, the imagry, everything brings this piece into an award winning style.

    Congradulations! Thanks for entering!


  • Tarja
    January 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Congrats on the silver trophy. This was extremely dramatic and well written. I enjoyed it very much. The last line was especially intense. Thank you for entering and good luck.

  • Nighttime angel
    January 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow, the emotions that jump off the page on this one is so profound. drinking and driving, a very deadly combination. you did an excellent job on writing this. I had to read it over several times.. each time I did so, it hit harder each time.
    congratulations on the silver trophy.

    good luck in the contest

    kat


  • Previn
    September 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I read this twice and I'm glad for it.
    The second reading gave me a real appreciation for this.

    Well ended too.

    Your perspective was well grounded and the imagery stark and lucid.
    Short and effective.

    Good work.

    Regards
    Previn


  • Exodus gold member
    September 4, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Just wonderful. The alliteration was great (one of my favourite of all the poetic devices). It's short in line numbers but it says so much. Thank you.


  • Riftkin gold member
    August 30, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Snapshots, black and white cine film

    replayed on the graying wallpaper of my mind,

    Like smoke signals on some distant plain
    billowing, pain rises with each breathe.

    I feel no physical pain, Grief and loss hit me harder than the car.




    drunk driving not a good thing to have happen


  • Whyitt U
    August 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Wow!! So much emotion in this this and the words you use...I'm trying to pick out a couple of examples, but they're all brilliant...graying wallpaper of my mind, love it!! And the ending is perfect!! Excellent write!!

    Wyatt xxx


  • individuality gold member
    August 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    a good piece -

    Snapshots, black and white cine film
    replayed on the graying wallpaper of my mind,

    here you are more showing an image without really exploring it, speak of those snapshots! take a moment and expand it with the emotional swings moments i think would surely be lengthy when pain is in the vicinity, time becomes slow and packs a mad punch.

    that said, this still holds great thoughts, as i have just said in th previous entry, i am not sure any will go into the moments as i was thinking, i had in mind when opening the contest of stretched moments on the road, the emotional slide into despair etc mingled with thoughts like you have here

    thank you for taking the time to enter your poetrry into this contest, i wish you the best of luck.


  • AliceinPoetryLand gold member
    August 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Wow what an excellent poem! Fabulous wite on this prompt. Really excellent. Filled with emotion!
    All the best
    Gaylene


  • Blankscreen2222
    August 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Wow P!
    Brill impact in this one (no pun intended)

    Great write.
    Best of luck in the contest.


  • aliceramone
    August 27, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    an excellent entry to this contest with good vivid imagery and soft alliteration...a cool ending!

1 - 11 of 11