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darkness

 

 

dire moons hang
     eclipsing eye -

     twin rivers blink
     my grains to grey;

sediment layers,

fractures running
length of spine

where lines
of porcelain
sing to me
of night;

my vision lit by
smile & lip
of cavern mouth
unending;

to shadowed space, I
shout my breathless -
      it ripples though
      dark mysteries of stone,

reflects my cry through
softer earth,

returns me to this
moment of our lime.




In a list

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think (Critical Honesty Appreciated)

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Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • Cherokee
    September 15, 2007
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    I love dire moons... sigh...

  • Ankeeta silver member
    September 2, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    wow

  • Yvette Champ gold member
    August 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Liked the internal rhyme of "visions lit by smile and hip" am tentatively unsure of "cavern mouth unending" I see the poet stretching the cavern for what feels like eternity yet wonder whether "cavernous" would suffice instead?Am also uncertain re "I shout my breathless" This thought provoking write has inspired me to go check out the contest that it inspired it.

  • Rowan gold member
    August 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    what an interesting ending..read it over a couple of times. I just don't know if it works for me, as well as the rest of the poem does. Though I get the deeper metaphoric meaning of 'lime'..hmmm. it makes me see fruit. lol. Just me.
    The whole poem uses earth/stone metaphors so splendidly..
    I really liked this overall. I'm so glad to see so many of my favs. in the contest, and more, I'm glad I'm not judging this one on my own.

    Thanks for entering.


  • Caitlin1290
    August 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    DO NOT WATCH ODINS LINK!

    WARNING DO NOT CLICK THE LINK SENT BY ODINS REVENGE IT IS OF A RUSSIAN BEHEADING PLEASE DONT NOT WATCH

1 - 6 of 6