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absence of better things





We could dig a hole with our fingers
a big, gaping hole--
crawl deep into its belly
and bury the all of our existence

the way you dangle a sandal strap from one toe
when reading Dante, gorging
on cherry flesh until each page
is finger-stained;  your drooped lids.
How I can creep closer to you
when you are asleep

curl into your body as if invited
and lick the stars from
your lips

where they fell in the absence
of better things.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes



eh. I don't do love poems very well. Not my forte.

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Comments

1 - 26 of 26

  • Stuart Higginson silver member
    June 30
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    For someone who professes not to do love poems well, you've contradicted yourself in creating this piece The final four lines are my favourite; it reminds me of the film "Stardust" in which the woman is the star, and long-lasting youth is granted to any female who devours a star! To think of the stars scattering from the night sky onto lovers' lips ... it's a wondrous image!


  • Randomly Beautiful
    February 29, 2008

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    Meli, you do every poem well. Truly, I just love the metaphors you come up with. Sometimes I come to your page and just read you for awhile. I don't always comment cause you already know I love ya and I'm lazy...lol. Rest assured you write even love well.


  • tony yates silver member
    February 23, 2008

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    brilliant

    i loved this, the ideas are superb. you are very talented and well done, best wishes your friend tony yates

  • Abby Apathy.
    November 27, 2007

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    this is a good poem that you have written on love. you did a great job. congratulations on being in the spotlight.

    abby

  • Rowan gold member
    October 17, 2007
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    Congrats on being featured, and for being in Ap's Book!

  • SmokinHotWhiteTiger gold member
    October 17, 2007

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    Nice

    well Meli yuo should do mor elove poems becauser this is a very mastefully penned poem. I can see why the site creator chose this poem for the front page and even more so to be publishfe din the upcoming allpoetry book. any ways this is such a sweet mellow warm loving poem and I really love your wording through out this poem. very nice and keep up the good work Signed, Me


  • Midnight Lace
    October 17, 2007

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    This indeed has quite an impact. It hit me full force. This was a beautiful and heartfelt piece filled with great thoughts. I loved it. Thank you for sharing and best wishes to you. Keep that pen handy dear poet. ~Midnight Lace

  • camus gold member
    October 15, 2007

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    Original and captivating

    I do like this poem that employs subtlety rather than explicitness. I see the connection between the first verse and the third one in terms of your merging into your lover's spirit and thereby losing your own individuality. I also enjoyed the way you have conveyed your love without resorting to sentimentality : the last two lines are a perfect example of this casual but wonderful effect. camus


  • StarrieNacht
    October 12, 2007

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    wow

    The last line really brought the whole piece together! A very creative, yet to the point write!!!
    It's got the touch of reality and hidden thoughts trailing in the darkness saying so much more.
    Beautifully collected!
    ~NIGHT


  • saxophonicwolf
    October 12, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    This is a great poem my friend. Thanks for sharing!


  • Nicolette gold member
    October 11, 2007

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    But the readers love it - and so do I. Lovely poetry - especially those last lines.

    ~ Nicolette


  • Cherokee
    October 11, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I love this poem so much Annalise... well, duh.

  • Rowan gold member
    September 17, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    A love poem indeed..
    I loved this one!

  • Cherokee
    September 15, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I so love "lick the stars from you lips where they fell in the absence of better things"


  • Jetsam
    August 27, 2007

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    Methinks she doth protesteth too much. You do love poems very well, Mel. Very well indeed.

    Scott


  • Cvillelisa
    August 27, 2007

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    The way you dangle a sandal strap from one toe
    when reading Dante, gorging
    on cherry flesh until each page
    is finger-stained; your drooped lids.

    How I creep closer to you
    when you are asleep

    and lick the stars from
    your lips

    where they fall in the absence
    of better things.

    We could dig a hole with our fingers
    a gaping hole--
    crawl deep into its belly
    and bury the all of our existence.

    or

    We dig a hole with our fingers
    a gaping hole --
    crawl deep into its belly
    and bury the all of our existence.



    I dunno, I kind of like the way you do love poems -- they are real- a bit of magic balanced by the reality of it all. Who wants to read hallmark bullshit when it comes to love? Not this reader. Give me all sides and then I can relate ...

    I played some. Hope you don't mind when I do.. if you do, just tell me. I took out the curled body stuff cause that seems pretty cliche to me. And flipped around stanzas cause I think it is important to grab that reader viciously with the opener.. and that stanza to me is a gripper.

    I'm not sure about that last stanza (that was your first stanza) .. still contemplating it but offer a few ideas

    Lisa





  • Rowan gold member
    August 27, 2007

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    not mine either..but there's something much deeper in this.
    Very nice!


  • zer01
    August 27, 2007

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    I must say most of it has flown over my head so I'll just give my initial reaction.

    It's very powerful, strikes me as a very dark poem, which is why I was surprised for you to call it a love poem.

    I love the second stanza*? purely because of it's dry, descriptive nature. 'gorging on cherry flesh until each page is finger-stained'

    Ahh. I don't know! The whole poem really strikes a chord with me, but I can't pin it down.

    Haha, I know this comment probably wasn't helpful at all, so here's some applauses purely because it captivated me and I have no idea why.

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