Right here I hang upon the wall,
Just waiting for some passers-by.
I'm all alone inside this hall,
But I'm ugly they all imply.
Without love, I begin to bawl,
For eternity, here I'll lie.
I am such a great work of art,
But it seems as if no one cares.
Inside of me lies so much heart,
So why do I receive blank stares?
I guess my time did not yet start,
But one day I'll be brought upstairs.
Once in the museum, you'll see,
I do deserve recognition.
Then people will care about me,
I will gain their adoration.
So famous will my artist be,
Even after his cessation.
So here I hang upon the wall,
I know one day I'll breathe a sigh.
As I will be adored by all,
From kids to men who wear their ties.
So right now I may be so small,
But soon I'll wave this hall good-bye.
Author notes
About a painting that will not be famous until after his artist's death.
Follows the abab ab cdcd cd efef ef abab ab format.
A contest entry
- [Contest] "We design our lives through the power of choices." - Richard Bach by Goldmare.
600 points, ended August 28, 2007, 6 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Did You Win A Gold Trophy? by Nam.
525 points, ended October 19, 2007, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think!
Comments
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THEY KNOW DRAMA~!
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*_* Yay! You're the only person who actually took the time to try my new form for the contest! And, on top of that, you made it fit both options, which is awesome. You did a very good job with the second option, too.
The poem overall is very good. I like the subject you chose and how you portray it. Very good word-choice as well. Nice rhyming.
And now for the bad stuff: You didn't use the form correctly. You followed the rhyme scheme perfectly, but that's not the only thing that makes up the form. There are also lines repeated as refrains between the first and final stanza. The first line of your last stanza does more-or-less repeat the first line of the first stanza, but there are no other refrains (there should be three in total).
I'm afraid I'll have to detract points for that... but since you are the only person who used the form at all, it's likely you will still do well.
Thanks for the wonderful entry!
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Thank you!
I after I submitted this, I thought about altering it to fit the refrain, but I couldn't find any lines that I wanted to change, so I decided that I would take the points reduction, because I like it how it is. But thank you for this contest! I like a challenge
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This is beautiful. It's like some amazing drama on TNT (They know Drama) or something. Seriously it was awesome! Your imagery and passion fill every stanza. It's very obvious that you put yourself into it. Great job and I hope you get GOLD!
-Nick
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