When has the hearse come by?
I never heard so many pathetic sighs
Have you ever truly seen the sky?
It's like a game
The kid's in shame
But he shows off all the boys that he's kissed
It's like a joke
The girl won't smoke
But she has no problem slitting her wrists
Clinging to that
laptop moniter
Blush so hard
you'll break the thermometor
My ears are ringing
from your
mediocre singing
My eyes are rolling
from that awful poem
Put down the knife
And go get a life
Stop crying
Stop crying
Please stop crying
STOP FUCKING CRYING
God knows how you fit into those pants
You have a breakdown from one dirty glance
You never even gave me a chance
Fashion clone
Media Drone
All alone
I can't stand to hear you moan and groan
Your music understands you
Well, your music understands everyone else, too
Always spending Mom and Dad's checks
I can't even figure out your sex
God knows what'll happen next
Am I gunna see you in a tux, or dress?
You still haven't stopped that crying
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Hey there,
I liked reading it a lot - it flowed very well and kind of rolled off the tongue with some excellent rhyming. Sometimes when I read people's poetry I have to force myself to read the next line but that definitely wasn't the case here. I got to the end and I was like 'Hey! Does it have to end here?'
I especially liked the 'Clinging...that thermometer' stanza - very clever.
I always feel a sense of trepidation when commenting someones poem incase I get the meaning completely wrong but I will say that the kids in my school who look like 'cut out' emo kids get a lot of crap. However I think they need to open their eyes and realise that everyone is going through shit - some more than others. I'm not sure whether this was your opinion or whether it was the persona of some 'emo-basher' but either it was well written and certainly worth reading.
P.S. Your profile page rocks and MCR are awesome - I saw them live a few months ago and Gerard rocked my socks! -
this is so fucking awesome!
its really good and awesome and just wow!
i love it!♥ -
First I'll comment on your writing.. then for the lecture :-P
I liked it to a point (below). However... the flow was done pretty well and the rhythm was done good as well.. not perfect, but well enough.
And of course, "The Perks Of Being a Wallflower" came to mind.. and I'm thinking that is where this title came from...
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And for the mini lecture..
Realize that this whole emo trend is just weird. Some people are literally sick and have it in their heads that being all whiny and cutting themselves is going to make them look cool and give them attention. I believe i see that you are in highschool.. try not to stereotype. Remember we are all people, and that is what matters. This whole "punk" "emo" "prep" thing is getting more overplayed than these kids doing the stupid emo thing. Make the world a better place.
^_^
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THANK YOU!!!
I love how you wrote it, and I love that you wrote this!!!!! The whole rhythm of it all was wonderful, though shakey a few parts of it, but I was too busy smiling to really care.
Thank you!! I have too many 'emo' kids in my school, and it's become a joke, and yet they KEEP doing it. We don't think you're cool - we think you're PATHETIC!!
QUIT THAT CRYING! haha I loved those parts the best.
!
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oops! i forgot this.. clappies, well-earned
PS - i would give three, just that, i am a bit low on cash right now
or you can call me plain miser;y
EDIT: hehe.. have three, was just joking.. loser me, eh? i know.. i am just getting bored..!!
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A great write,, it really flows so well in places.. and the ideas expressed are wow.. i so agree with you!
excellent piece of work here.. love and cheers, shuvi
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I thought that that was a really excellent piece of writing. The flow was off a bit in quite a few places, but maybe you meant for the writing to be that way? Oh, well. Anyway, I especially liked the format of this poem and the words that you used to rhyme together. I thought that quite a few of them were fairly clever actually. Also, obviously, I thought, in my opinion, that you had a marvelous use of vocabulary, unlike some on here that repeat the same word every couple lines. Anyway, great job!!
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