This is the round we'll go down in honey,
You floated like a butterfly
You stung like...
Like you didn't care that it would destroy you too.
You're nothing but another broken girl.
And now I'm just another hollow boy.
You carved me out, because I thought I could fix you.
Well baby,
The joke's on the last rat
to desert this sinking ship
'cause we can't bail water
As fast as I can swim
So consider this my resignation,
I've resigned myself to the fact,
That you played me like a flute.
But you can twist my melody all you want,
'Cause I know a better use for those...
Full Frontal Lips
And it sure as hell ain't harmony.
The curves of your body are like a poem written in cursive,
Even if the poem is empty, the words are god damned gorgeous
And I took them all in, only to find
That they left a sick, sinking,
Sticking feeling in my stomach.
Like the last bite, you shouldn't have,
Of a meal too good to waste.
Wonderful, and miserable.
So fill me up, Buttercup, if you can
'Cause I'm hollow and rotten,
And I just cannot get enough
Of your emotional disfunction
And, as I stood there
Thinking of everything I could say to you,
And writing daggers with my half chewed
Mechanical pencil, conjuring cruel calculations
From my cold clockwork mind...
You, without a word, left me to Captain this
Careening Caravel
The joke's on me, but baby...
The only reason I'm so bitter
Is because I didn't get one last taste of your sweetness
And you were my firstmate.
Author notes
Option 2
Outryder
'My {♥}heart doesn't beat the way it used too.'
A contest entry
- Spinning Me In Circles[lets put my heart back together] by WishMeAway--x.
700 points, ended September 19, 2007, 13 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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You carved me out, because I thought I could fix you.
Well baby,
The curves of your body are like a poem written in cursive,
Even if the poem is empty, the words are god damned gorgeous
And I took them all in, only to find
That they left a sick, sinking,
Sticking feeling in my stomach.
loved those lines. and i love how you describe her and you all at the same time. and the way you described things, like the mechanical pencil. could've settled for pencil, wow, someone actually listened to me. lol
great job on this.♥
--x -
I must admit, I only happened upon this because I was trying to figure out what was up with this "Dirty Pretty" category. After stumbling through writes several that were neither dirty or pretty, I was rather impressed with this one, particularly some of the line-level stuff:
"The curves of your body are like a poem written in cursive,
Even if the poem is empty, the words are god damned gorgeous"
"Like the last bite, you shouldn't have,
Of a meal too good to waste."
"And writing daggers with my half chewed
Mechanical pencil"
These are some sharp and original images, though the are sprinkled amongst some references that are a bit less so. Still, a very striking example in a genre a don't browse very often. The essence here seems ripe for distillation; it takes but a precious few well-turned phrases to populate a poignant poem.
Best of luck in the contest and your future endeavors...
-Nando-
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This is a wonderful piece of writing! So rich in imagery and emotion, I love what you've conveyed, it's fantastic. Best of luck in the contest
-
You have a beautiful sense of imagery, I must say.. Good luck in the contest hun. Though you don't really need it.
The only reason I'm so bitter
Is because I didn't get one last taste of your sweetness
And you were my firstmate.
My favorite lines..
-Danneh<3 -
This is amazingly good. There are so many great word plays here but I think my favorite is "This is the round we'll go down in honey,
You floated like a butterfly
You stung like...
Like you didn't care that it would destroy you too." You are an incredible poet. Good luck in the contest!
--Mallig
-
OK, so he's pissed off and walking out, thinking of all the things she's put him thru, and all the things he should have said ... but not before he gets off some great lines ...
"The joke's on the last rat
to desert this sinking ship
'cause we can't bail water
As fast as I can swim"
and
"The curves of your body are like a poem written in cursive,
Even if the poem is empty, the words are god damned gorgeous"
Great job again Outryder! Your talent is truly amazing! Good luck in the contest. ....JB
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Good God, man. You ARE really trying to kill me with your brilliance, aren't you? I really adore this. It's so gorgeous in every way. You know I'm a sucker for these kinds of things....Oh, but if it were my girl....one kiss and you've got her knees quivering like she can't resist another walk off the plank into oblivion with you.
Wonderful.
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