I always pondered if you were fortunate enough
to have evaded your brother's plight,
finding out now that you didn't.
Words and fears so sharp and keen
now expressed by fractured spirits,
minds tainted with nefarious strokes
of brush, across shadowed canvas of revelations.
Devastation now falls through cognizance
within the circle of three.
You both shared it restrictedly
and desolated, in darkened debasement
in attic of mind's silence.
I should have seen it
in beseeching, reticent eyes
and bellicose pantomime
throughout the years, but shut down
occurs in chaos's wake...
blindness to reasoning manifests itself.
The past three years have brought us closer
but suddenly,
that propinquity bears brokenness
of revelations long since sealed
by too many years of silence's cries.
What's known by three
is only conceded by sets of two,
the other two not resilient enough
to utter, with duplicated, sorrowful,
pleading hearts to one another.
Author notes
LadyOfAvalon
Kind of part 2 to Reasoning's Futility
This is link to previous poem in the series and the series will continue. http://allpoetry.com/poem/show/3337338
RULES
In a list
A contest entry
- Losing Innocence by Number 13.
600 points, ended October 12, 2007, 25 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Time For You To Take A Chance ~ Round One by Tears and Raine.
320 points, ended January 26, 2008, 176 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 43 of 43
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last stanza is probably the best, at least for me. definitely the deepest in my opinion. anyhow, i dont really dig the picture at all. maybe cuz i'm a dude but i don't really get much from that particular photo. to be honest i was really turned off to the whole poem by it, but it speaks to your strengths as a writer that i managed to get past it and enjoy most of this. great vocab to be sure, and definitely open to different interpretations. definitely gonna mull this one over a bunch cuz i cant really decide exactly how i feel about it. good job though cuz that's kind of what i'm looking for
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that's funny because it just won gold in another contest so someone else was able to deeply appreciate it and it won gold in a contest with over 200 entries.
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oh well, i wrote it for me not you anyways and i think the picture fits it wonderfully.
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i love you grammy huggggggggggggs you tight
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Thank you for sharing this beautiful piece of poetry in my contest. I truly enjoyed reading it. Such pain felt through out it. Continue to write such art!
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This poem speaks of deepest brokenness and shame, of secrets so dark so few can face. I have such secrets in my family. I refuse to be ashamed or silent. Just because something is buried, doesn't mean it's gone. It has more power that way.
Great write!
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This was incredibly well expressed, of thoughts that had been suppressed 'revelations long since sealed' but now out in the open to deal. A feeling of unravelling pent up pain 'silence's cries'. Loved it. The word 'propinquity' has a unique roll.
Love Lib x x
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Very deep yet so true
You have sletched out such a sad picture her for sure -
Wonderful imagery that makes the senses whirl in ways that bedazzle the mind. Deep thoughts that are very well expressed in this write.
Thanks for entering!
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excellent~
Full of emotion and I think also sadness as well
Very thought provoking....
I see you won honorable mention on this one...
I can certainly see why
Just excellent
Hugs
Your sis
Susan~~~
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this is heart braking and so good. its a biter sweet piece and i am glad i read it.
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Beautifully written.
Your work is incredible and I am glad that I allowed prewrites so that you could enter these. They're all so full of emotion, so full of path, and even though those feelings aren't the greatest ones in the world to feel, it's nice to be able to feel them just from reading words. Thank you for entering <3
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It sounds like the root of this is more nature than nurture. Some things are genetically linked and you should not waste energy on the what if's. Anyway, I liked this one better than the last one. It made more sense to me, but could be clearer. Though I suspect that the meaning was obfuscated to protect the innocent...
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wow this is so amazing too, great job once again
thanks for letting me know of it!
i love the lines
"I should have seen it
in beseeching, reticent eyes
and bellicose pantomime"
they are fantastict!
loved reading both
stephanie
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Wowzers!
full of expression, done with deep reflection, understanding, sadness, and pain...excellent job...excellent word usage, just EXCELLENT! 100 men in the air
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WoW! Because you make it look so easy, it's easy for the casual reader to ignore the strength and grace in the lines here. This poem is sharp in perceptive insight, with a generous dose of imagery. The words here carry real strength that is hard to describe but readily perceived. Your range of tone is wide and can easily move a reader to reflection, empathy, and yes, even discovery. Very well done.
♥ Touchof1der
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This is just one of the most amazing pieces I think I will read today.... the emotion oozed from the pores of this piece... superb
Karen
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Amazing very talented. This poem is pure gold, the emotions is great and just the way you wrote it so expertly. Amazing! Those 11 people who are ignoring you don't know what they are missing either that or they read your work and became instantly jealous lol! Great work.
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The Best
I think this is the best poem I have read all day. Thank you for capturing the reader's attention... I didn't want the poem to end. It had so much pain and the reader can feel that through the words you have written. Bravo, I really admire and enjoy reading this poem! -
Revelations often send shock waves throughout the psyche when we are unprepared to accept them. I have been given unto revealing and still deny reality. Sometimes that, and fear cause us to hold on past the alloted time of understanding. There are many layers to this eloquently written passage my Sister. To know ones self is often a prerequisite to seeing flaws and ability in others. Your poem is poignant and intelligently written. The language is stellar but nor overly equated. I would go so fears as to say this work is BRILLIANT! A profound work of weaved words rests on this page. It has been a pleasure to read such elegance.
All My Love ♥
Renee
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Again, the continuance of complex simplicity rises here. Some things though seemingly simple lie within a tangled web of complexity no one understands unless they have stood in your shoes. To know the pain of another and never speak to them on it can only cause more pain rather than coat the wound to begin to heal. But again questions rise without answers thus invoking the complexity within and parallel to a 'seemingly' simplistic situation. But all is not always as simple as it appears.
Well done hun!
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in the end, all things under God will be revealed, even the hurt. They are the ones we must stand face to face and find the courage to forgive
the Satyr
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this is realy well written and the word selection was well chosen.I thank you for entering the contest Good Luck.
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I don't know really what to say on this one. Love triangles never seem to work out like we want them to. Good luck in the contest.
Sincerely,
Leo Long -
This poem is quite an accomplishment of writing! It's aesthetically pleasurable to read! Stylish, graceful and profound. I did not seize the whole poem in its entirety. There is a beautiful spirit in your poem hovering between mind, soul and heart. The essence of a disembodied agent, an immaterial soul in material power.. like an intermediate between matter and mind in your words. Immediately when i read it i thought of Descartes which is a fav in 'Les Passions de l'ame' (engl.?) The idea of dualism as the kind of emotion one might have toward a person or a factor in life. An image common to all three of these seems to be one of distillation, of a more refined original. The continued existence of two souls is logically possible.
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He takes my breath away
Wow where do you get these fabulous pictures? Your site is so custom and very beautiful. I wish I could sit with you and work on mine. When I saw the picture of the man I felt compassion's for his agonizing cry!!
BROKEN CIRCLE's wow great title, pleading hearts and fortunate enough, yes for sure there are in life many broken circle's Just reality isn't it!!
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the night falls and we are smaller in our minds. Perhaps now it the time to look to the heart and notice how much larger the heart it and how much stronger it was then yesterday. Your knowledge painful helps to make you whole. The poem a force like the wind. We are not sure of the source but we can feel the force. Make the spelling corrections. Small things keep big things from doing what they need to do. I only brush across the surface, but I do understand.
Love, Tom B.
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hmmmm once again i am in complete awe over a poem you have written my friend, keep it flowing, i enjoyed this one
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all I can conclude that this [as well as the previous one] speak of two things [the dark depravity of someone, and the fragility of a soul[yours]. The last stanza obviously puts a third into this dark picture [of course it remains a blank canvas for me as the reader and I do not want to allow my imagination to paint it for me]
I am sure you used the vocabulary as is on purpose as not to reveal exactly that of which you are speaking , so all I can say is sweetie, I hope that healing can be found for those in pain and justice served to whomever is responsible.
much love
xoxoxoxoxo
reenie
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Here's hoping that this write has soothed your heart just a tad my friend
my ears are always here for your use and my heart is part of yours ...
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wow this is something to read
I really must read again with my dictionary out because it is a treasure of vocabulary which I have you and your writings abundant with. I still use a few of the words I learned from the contest you ran awhile back in which you supplied a word bank, like coruscate , resplendent and tryst. this poem is full opf meaning and I am sure I will find it deeper than I already do . Good write my dear lady thank you for the read.
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Wow!!! this is awesome 2nd part!!! Nice job!!!! I really did luv it ~ you touch me with your words...
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You work well with words
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awesome job on this!!! keep up the great work...
Hugs,
Beth -
POWERFUL
Good job on this heavy, disturbing poem. It certainly dredges up emotions.
I noticed a couple of typos - nefarious, pantomime, brokenness - and hate to admit I cannot figure out proquiny. Did you perhaps mean "progeny"? I was also thrown by the double "enough enough" - wasn't sure if it was intended.
Too often those who need our protection most have no words to ask for it, indeed, no one to notice if they did. Good work! -
.....wow. Seems like this was inspired by a nightmare in yer life eh? Love is a fickle fiend, that it is. The poem is eautiful indeed.
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You still have an amazing vocab...haha...
"Words and fears so sharp and keen
now expressed by fractured spirits,
minds tainted with nafarious strokes
of brush, across shadowed canvas of revelations."
I liked the image in that stanza...and the last one as well...the whole poem is great anyway.
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wow, your vocabulary is astonishing!
*high five!*
seriously i don't think i have ever seen a better 'writen' poem on AP! without the use of rhymes you made it a dramatic spectacle of fear and brilliance.
emotion flowed through these lines like water through mere canvas. it destroyed my writers block too, lol.
the imagery was spectacular, it is as if it was written by a mere mortal man or woman.
-simply devine-
yours sincerely,
mike!
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Sad write
Yes a very sad write you have here to be known and yet no one reaches for help
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Ah, a part 2! I am equally enthralled by this as I was with the first! Your words are deep and again, I had to read it twice to grasp the full meaning, which means your words are beyond me. Wondeful job! I cannot wait to read more!
Miss Marie
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an intersting and deep worded write, full of thought and imagery. Finally seeing what was there all along.
the last stanza makes you really think, eyes only seeing the truth, lips not strong enough to converse, magic wording Michelle. ones that only a few would understand fully. well done you. truth be out there.
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Excellent
Very well done. A great poem full of expression and wonderful images.
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Very powerful and emotion filled write. Awesome imagery throughout. Excellent job, thanks for sharing!
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