Can't you hear the music playing in my head?
It won't let me rest as I lie in my bed.
It's so loud, you must hear the rhythm of the band
Drowning out all would-be thoughts and taking full command.
I try so hard to be quiet and calm and still.
I pray the beat will stop but I don't think it will.
My body quivers lusciously as the drums beat on and on.
I know I won't be sleeping till the wanton beat is gone.
Hot and taut and sweaty, tangled in my sheet.
While my mind and spirit undulate
To the beat...to the beat...to the beat.
A contest entry
- What you know of! Options!!! Prewritten allowed if applicable. by danceswsquirrels.
650 points, ended September 12, 2007, 16 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - One by Nam.
425 points, ended October 6, 2007, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Largest Contest On AP!!!! by xxRainbowDawnxx.
3000 points, ended August 26, 2008, 1705 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
In the control of music. Even without the radio. Can you relate?
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
-
Outstanding
This has great flow and I could really visualize being in bed with a song going through my poor brain that just won't go away. I loved the bit about the tangled covers it made it very real. Congratulations on the trophy.
-
"It wont let me rest as I lie in my bed." - you use the apostrophe for "Can't" in the first line but not in "won't" for the second?
You have two lines that do not have a period at the end; one being a question mark and the second to last line.
Prose has sentences, poetry has lines.
-
-
I am not sure what you mean about your last comment. I looked up Poe’s poem The Raven and surely enough, he ended lines with periods, dashes, commas and question marks, etc. Please help me understand what you were telling me. Sorry to be so dense.
-
-
I don't mean there isn't punctuation in poems, but,
"It's so loud, you must hear the rhythm of the band.
Drowning out all would-be thoughts and taking full command."
Take these two lines. I do not believe the first line would be a period. I believe it either would be a comma or a semi-colon or perhaps it's just one thought and therefore it's an enjambment (which is a sentence that carries itself to the next line).
That's what I mean.
-
-
I see. I'll change it. Thanks.
-
-
-
-
oooooo this was amazing! When I put that option I didn't think anyone would be able to pull that off!!! but you did an impressive job! OOO My favorite lines were the last two! Good show!
J~~~
-
Great work with this one! I like the way you put this together and how the poem flowed easily all the way to the end, meaning held in each word. Not that original when it comes to the topic but this is one of my favorite poem of this style so wonderful work!
-
Wow! I love this. This is great. I can almost feel the beat myself when I close my eyes. great job and good luck in the contest.
-
wow i like that
i really like this line "My body quivers lusciously as the drums beat on and on." it's is really detailed
Adding your comment:
1 - 9 of 9
