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two years ago, the better

you gave me tremors again,
and this time it didn't matter where i was.
there was no hiding in the alcove of prayer, and i was too afraid
and white- washed to hear and accept

that i'll never be as damn near perfect
as i willed.

the image of a thousand better days
wore cuter smiles and the parting of hairs
was lighter than water

but i am still unnerved,
unwell; i'm lengthening my eyes, i'm darkening my veil.

these promises shift to lighter things
in hopes that this will escalate, and be something larger
than i am, with stronger hands, gentle veneer;

forgiveness like
i've never seen. oh, you're haunting me.

the image of a thousand better days
wore cuter smiles and the parting of hairs
was lighter than water

but i am still unnerved,
unwell; i'm lengthening my eyes, i'm darkening my veil.

 

you were two years ago,

the better. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes

did i honestly write this? (no comments about the text being small; i know it's small. i'm leaving it like that.)

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Comments

1 - 14 of 14

  • flight
    September 15, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Love it.
    At first I wasn't sure about
    the repeat, but it works gorgously.

    peace to all ~flight


  • noir eyes
    September 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    these promises shift to lighter things
    in hopes that this will escalate, and be something larger
    than i am, with stronger hands, gentle veneer;

    forgiveness like
    i've never seen. oh, you're haunting me.



    oh my.
    this was absolutely lovely.


  • CarCrashHumor
    September 2, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    "the image of a thousand better days
    wore cuter smiles and the parting of hairs
    was lighter than water "


    your descriptions make my mouth water...


  • olly olly oxen free
    September 2, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This was one of the best poems I've read on here in, oh, maybe ever.

    The last two lines almost made me cry. This is not an exageration, your words really hit me and I'm a sap who teared up. I don't think there's anything else I can say because, as a writer, I don't think there's any greater compliment.

    • marrow
      September 2, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      I am very humbled by that. Thank you for your great comment.


  • Ryno
    August 31, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Your wrote it. Except it

    I thought the imagery and emotion were really strong.

    I'm not sure if I got the ending, but I mean, thats just me.

    Kick-butt job.


  • Phineas Red
    August 30, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    It was intresting to read this, it didn't seem like you, it seemed almost regretful. *shrug* that's probably just me reading too much into things. It was marvelous nonetheless.


  • xxlouiseyxx
    August 30, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    that was a pleasure read you have a different style of writing than any other author i know, but its brilliant. it almost feels like i'm reading a song because you repeated a few verses but i think it woks really well. i like the small text by the way lol. overall a very well written poem well done xxx


  • RachelSchuyler
    August 27, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    i like :)

    good job brah

    very well written. i like the imagery
    keep the faith


  • Mystikrypton
    August 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I concur. Well-written piece...it seemed different than the few other things I've read by you, but I still thought it was no less powerful and beautiful. Well done.

  • Kay Laon Anders
    August 26, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Great write...moving


  • lee-sharp
    August 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    that text is so small. lmao.

    very lyrical. i quite enjoyed it. and i have 20/13 vision, so it wasnt at all bothersome.

    • marrow
      August 26, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      thank you. i was needing to write lyrically, and i am in such a bad mood that i was adamant to for whatever the reason use the smallest text possible.

1 - 14 of 14