I pricked my finger
Sting of a pain it was,
The spot of blood that appeared fascinated me
It was so shiny and red, it looked tasty
Not a stab, just a small prick
My nerves barely took any notice of it
Measly pain
You could have done better to make me twinge
Author notes
Some description of the event mixed with describing the pain, I think it gives it a nice effect. I didn't want it to be all dark, something simple such as a prick on the finger, nothing like a stab on the side bla bla
Enjoy!
A contest entry
- A concussion. by LittleKnowItAll.
400 points, ended August 26, 2007, 4 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I'm sick of the same old crap! by Trent plus pen.
1100 points, ended September 13, 2007, 51 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Love it.
Very different, very fresh and very awesome.
Would have loved to see a little bit more emotional imagery used there without making it too dark, but either way its excellent.
Refreshing to read.
You didnt go into that cliche bullshit about blood, stabbing and cutting.
Goodluck in my contest!
Much love and respect.
Trento. -
These lines
'The spot of blood that appeared fascinated me
...
My nerves barely took any notice of it'
I loved it so much. I don't know why, they really just clung to me.
I love how what you're describing is so simple, sometimes simplicity really is the best.
Well done in the contest!
<33 -
Nice write, simple but too the point. Love the imagery of the blood. Congrats on second place!
xXxPurexXx
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Oo
This reminded me of going to the doctor...
Oh well.. This was a little weird, but good still.. I especially like the last two lines.
-Danneh<3 Greatjob -
Well i loved it, subtle and fun, out of the ordinary, what i was looking for was one of two things really, something to capture that sharp, warm feeling you get when you hit your head in a small space of 5 - 10 lines, or someone to be a little abstract and put their own twist on it, you put your own twist on it, it made me smile, and if you ask me gets a one up on every 200 line overly descriptive pile of teen puke that gets thrown onto this site every day,
well done,
as soon as my brother shuts up I'll have a think about how I'm going to judge this one,
good luck.
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