Take my hand
and walk with me
through all that life offers
Take my heart
and love me
as completely as I love you
Take my lips
and kiss me
deeply caress all of me
Take my life
and breathe with me
a new life, a new begining
a beginning, that is US
A contest entry
- Breathe with me by Virgoan.
500 points, ended September 6, 2007, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Write a poem to be read at my wedding. by tinuelena.
900 points, ended September 23, 2007, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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you took my breath away with such powerful words and amazing beauty
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Soft and airy. Nicely written
Thanks for sharing and best of luck. Keep writing fellow poet.
>>>VIRGOAN -
beautiful
So simple, and in that there's amazing beauty. It's incredible how with so few words you can take someone's breath away. I loved it, every single word. I'd cry if someone ever said that to me
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Ok. This is an abstract poem form. In this regard it is well done. Personally I would like to see a little more imagery and simile incorporated in it but I'm not sure what the writer's objective was so I can't really make any suggestions beyond that.
John
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Lovely
This is a beautiful full of lovely lyricism. There are questions on punctuation and a typo, but that does no take away any beauty of the thought
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Really Sweet
This is a really sweet poem; and its nice and simple and to the point, a lot of other sweet poems should be that way too; in my opinion, too many other people junk them up with different kinds of personal material clutter.
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Aww, this is absolutely lovely. Brilliantly done. However, you need to change your title from Breath to Breathe. Anyway, well done, lovely work, absolutely divine! Thanks for sharing this with AP!
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Simple words could be so strong.
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Uhhh
Damn... (compliment)
That's all I can say about this deep write -
Beautifully written with a lot of love and emotion. The feelings are within each stanza. I enjoyed this very much.
Good luck in the contest.
Soulful Woman
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I like it it is interesting.
My first impression is of loving someone intensely. Emotionally there is a sense of a lot of desire. There is nothing awkward about this poem. I wouldn't change anything about it. The title is very interesting and works with this poem. The firstline shows the way. thelast line shows the new beginning. I like it it is short but delightful.
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