Part one
I met a weathered digger by a dusty water hole
For a pot of liquid amber he told me of his soul
“I’ve dragged this swag through FNQ and down the Birdsville track
I’ve sat upon that old black stump then set it at my back
I’ve watched rivers trickle through the last ten years of drought
And danced among the lightning as clouds poured their water out
I’ve laughed with old man Kooka, watched ‘roos leap across the moon
Counted stars across the ceiling of my favourite hotel room
I’m a cocky, drover layabout they say with envy in their eyes
For I love the life of walkabout where the desert tells no lies”
I watched that tired old digger as he made a ‘baccy roll
Then went out on the veranda for a soothing sunset stroll
I thought of this great southern land that carved its image in his face
From the mountains to the deserts in her subtle laid back pace
I recalled the pithy culture cops in their ivory clad homes
Surrounded in their cities made of sterile concrete domes
With affected foreign accents talk of London city fogs
And decry the mere existence of a tucker bag and dog
I thought I’d left their influence when I left the deep cold south
But still in some old bars and clubs their opinion comes to mouth
That old drover came back in the door as the sun laid down its head
And the darkness of the evening sent the dusty plains to bed
I called another glass to greet him as he took his well worn seat
As he took a swallow he turned to me and said without missing a beat
“So what’s your story youngster, what’s the tale you have to tell
Why are you in this ghost town half along the road to hell?”
I looked over at that tired old man and shook his bony hand
And told him of my growing love for this ancient windswept land
I spoke of waving grasslands and mountains dressed in white and green
And the silhouettes of ghost gums in my Murray River dream
I told him of the music coming with the creeping of the sun
And the shimmering heat trails from the midday bitumen
Of the rock that shows the seasons through the changing of its skin
And the broad flat magic plain concealing opals deep within
Of the forests and the deserts and the ever present dust
And the rusty crimson skylights of a slowly setting dusk
I told him that I wandered to see the beauty of my home
And hoped that I could spend my life forever on the roam
Then the barman closed the bar and set us out onto the street
I waved him goodbye and hoped that someday soon again we’d meet
As we wandered out the door of that faded outback pub
And set our swags upon our backs as we looked into the scrub
The old man facing east, set his sights on Barrum Heads
Where a mate he used to travel with had found a place to lay his bed
For he held a tattered letter offering a spot to kip
When he was tired of the droving life and set to give it all the slip
The note said anytime, the missus me and you will have a ball
As we watch the world go by and tell the toffs to stuff it all
As he walked away he nodded saying, "Well mate I have to go
I've been holding this old invite maybe twenty years or so"
As he walked into the darkness I wished him all the best in luck
'Cause if his mate was not in Barrum Heads I reckon he'd be stuck
For a lot can pass in a score of years, a lot of water flows
And the time had worn that digger down, no longer could he drove
For the bullock on the mulga plains need a young man's calming hand
And old legs get plenty tired walking through the drifting sand
So I hoped that his old mate was still kicking on the Queensland coast
And they could look out on the Reef and raise their glasses for a toast
"For the golden browns and emerald greens that roam from shore to shore
And the land that holds my heart that will live forever more"
Author notes
The title is just a place marker as I cannot think of a better one.
FNQ is an abbreviation for Far North Queensland, if anything doesn't make sense let me know, still a work in progress and I think there maybe more added later.
Still working on it... all suggestions appreciated.
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 31 of 31
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You've created an unparalleled atmosphere and scenery with your piece. I loved it! Wish I could afford a ticket to go and see all these beautiful places you paint so well with your words. Very inspiring!
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Thank you Hetha, I personally think that everybody in the world should be given a free ticket to come here and look around, just so they know what they are missing out on in their own country.
I am glad that you liked it, thank you for your comment
Adrian
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wonderful
This is a fantastically evocative piece chock full of atmosphere -I was right there. Thoroughly enjoyable.
I read Neville Shute an awful lot when I was young, and the only ambition I had was to go to Australia! Never made it though...
. Rewarded 4
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Hello, long time no hear from I am glad you enjoyed the poem and I glad it rekindled such a thoroughly worthwhile ambition. Remember that while you are still kicking these things can be achieved.
Best wishes,
Adrian
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I concur with ktothecarro - I am impressed with the way you sustained such an exceptional rhyming scheme for a piece this long. Great theme, captivating title and a smooth ending.
My only negative comment, and this is only because of my personal taste - it is a bit too long for me. On the other hand, there is much to tell here that I wouldn't begin to suggest what to cut.
Beautifully done!
. Rewarded 8
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Thank you for your comment, I am glad that you liked it. It originally started as twenty lines but more got added, pretty much spontaneously as it has come to me.
I know there are a lot of people that don't like long poems but for me a poem, especially one that is of a more narrative nature, should continue until the story it tells seem finished.
I think you greatly for reading the whole thing, especially as the length was not to your liking.
Adrian
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i admire those who can write such a long rhyming poem, all while keeping the meter and rhyme scheme intact as well as telling a story. thunderous applause for even undertaking the task.
. Rewarded 4
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Thank you for your comment... I am glad you liked the rhyme scheme and the story but in truth I was more worried about the rhythm rather than the meter on this one so I hadn't noticed a steady meter in it. Thank you for the clappies and the very nice words.
Adrian
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What an absolutly wonderful write! Simply beautiful flow, worded with perfection....I love rhyming poetry that has a consistant rhythm and tells a story. This is easily one of the best that I have read on this site. I can see in another comment someone mentions that it has a beautiful sound when spoken aloud...I couldnt agree more. Thanks for a great read! :-)
. Rewarded 6
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Thank you for reading, I am glad that you liked it so much. I'm very happy that you thought the rhyme and rhythm were consistent and solid and thank you for thinking it to be one of the best you have read here. Your comment is greatly appreciated.
Adrian
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Very beautiful story poem
I could visualize the treck as you narrated the tail. As for your story poem you penned it very well.
. Rewarded 4
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Thank you, glad that you enjoyed the tale. Thank you for you comment.
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Hey, this is an awesome piece that you have here! I clicked on it for the title because it was definitely different, and when I first looked at the poem, I was not sure I would be able to follow something so long, but I have to say, you did a fantastic job with this because it kept my attention the entire time! The way that you wrote it and the words that you chose were very good, and I really liked the imagery as well! Anyways, awesome job with this, I enjoyed being able to read it!
. Rewarded 8
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Thank you for your comment, I am glad the poem kept your attention all the way through and that you liked the way I penned it. Glad you enjoyed the experience.
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Adrian...this is so, so good. I love it, and read it twice, before leaving my comment. Your imagery made me feel that I was actually there. You have given a very informative description of the old drover, and this beautiful country that we are so lucky to live in. It flowed ever so smoothly, and your rhyme is awesome Well done
. Rewarded 6
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Thanks Jules I am glad you enjoyed it enough to read it twice. It is a beautiful country and we are lucky to be here. I am so happy you felt so involved in the story and that it was descriptive... thank you for checking it out
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you awere able to keep this readers attention throughout and htat is not an easy task. i am looking forward to reading more from you in the near future. viyanna rosemarie
. Rewarded 4
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Thank you Viyanna, for your comment and the applause. I am glad it maintained your interest and I hope you enjoy all that you do.
Adrian
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I love writings
such as these. They have always held my interest. May God bless you in a special way today. Thank you for sharing your great talent.
Smile,
Judy
. Rewarded 4
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Thank you Judy, I am glad you found it interested. Thank you for the kind words and applause.
Adrian
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Your work read well and maintained my attention. The story was excellent.
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Thank you for your comment, I am still working on it but I am glad the story is easy to follow
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I absolutely LOVE this!!
This is a piece I could see children memorizing and reciting. It is richly worded, perfectly metered, and calls to mind such breath-taking overpowering imagery! Your combination of meter and vocabulary just roll off the tongue. It has a beautiful sound when spoken aloud, giving it an air of music or a chant, which further enhances its whimsical, far-away, dream-like quality. Truly, I have no construct to offer. There are places where an adjective hyphen is missing and "'roo's" doesn't need an apostrophe at its end because it's not possessive, but the work, as written, captures the heart and the spirit of the "laid back" nature of a drifter. Perfect punctuation would give it a feeling of aloofness that would be out of place in terms of its theme. Bravo! Truly spectacular! (I am pointing this out to my dear friend Wattle, who lives in Australia. I'm sure he will love it, as well.) Thank you so much for the read!
Sheryl
. Rewarded 8
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Thank you Sheryl, I am glad that you liked it so much that you are going to refer another to it. I wasn't sure about the final apostrophe for "'Roo's", so thank you for your advice. I am glad you like the sound as you spoke it, I always find it important to recite a poem as well as read it and I am pleased that you do so. I am also glad that you thought it good for children to read, that always makes me nervous.
Geeze theres a lot of "glads" in this reply so I'll finish with one more thank you: Thank you for a wonderful constructive comment, it was what I was looking for when I placed a reward on it.
Adrian -
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You're most welcome, Adrian. I truly enjoyed your work. By the way, did I say I love the title? I don't think you should change it at all. It sets the tone for the piece.
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Thank you, titles are something I am weak at so I am glad you like it
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You're most welcome, Adrian. I truly enjoyed your work. By the way, did I say I love the title? I don't think you should change it at all. It sets the tone for the piece.
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It's wonderful. You tell the story so well.
Being in two parts it will fit into the book.
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Thanks pearl, not sure weather I'm going to put it in a book after all... will think about it
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Good on ya mate...you know I love it!!!!!
Beautiful descriptive and sooooo Aussie
Sis
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Thanks Sis, glad you do...
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