She sits in a corner
Praying to God
To save her from this nightmare
Then she hears Him
The footsteps come oh so closer
They sound as though He's been drinking
He falls, she prays He wont get back up
But the steps come closer now
He's outside her door
She prays for Him to pass
Just to go to His room and sleep
The door opens
She tries to scream
No words escape her lips
Her scream is silent
none hear her now.
Author notes
i know what abus is like. but only to be hit upside my head and to be called worthless. not like this. someone descibed it and i write this for her.
A contest entry
- Make Me Feel Something by edit my world..
425 points, ended September 8, 2007, 59 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make Me Think by Carve In Technetium.
470 points, ended September 21, 2007, 47 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - *** Untitled Contest *** by Hebz.
425 points, ended September 21, 2007, 74 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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You capture this very well. It is a hard subject. I think this is powerfully written. It really grabbed me and pulled me in.
Good write!
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thanks all. i really do love the comments people have given me. they girl that i wrote this for is also very happy to see what has been said. it makes me glad to see so many people acctually care. we unit!
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Wow this is a really sad piece. Very dark and sad.
Thanks for your comment. It was inspired by arrogant religious views that assume social position is inspired by God. In Christianity it can be seen by songs like 'All things bright and beautiful' in verse 3. I wanted to do it somewhat subtley by showing their happiness with the condition but I want people to question why positions like this exist (and it's prob nothing to do with gods, if they exist). -
truly sad...
...didn't take much to realize your point in piece. it's very sad, but written well.
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Aww,emotional...
Well put...
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Amazing, excellent job...I really like how you describe it & esp. how u end it...
Thnx alot for entering & Best Of Luck
GloriousGift
Heba -
I can realate to this poem in scary ways..... i love how you did it so tastefully and in a way that made me feel emotion without me being upset about my past.... very well done xo
love jasmine xo
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that's funky and a half, fair play!
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her scream is silent
non hear her now
those lines are very vivid, in those few words it makes a big impact. nicely done.
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thank you wicked. as i say in the author notes, this was for someone i know. she was abused very badly so yeah. and that was what i was trying for when i wrote those lines.
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Wow, the emotion is very vivid, it makes it easy to relate, great job.
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yeah ive had the smack upside the head aswell. but never anything this severe. i dont even want to imagine what it could possibly be like. its terrible to think that there is actually people in this world who recieve this treatment or the people who could actually do that to someone and live with themselves. i love how you captured her emotion and from her perspective of the horrible situation. i really like the last two lines.
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Oh your poor friend. Such horrible things in this world. Womans refugee dude! Offer her the shelter of your house.
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this piece is very good. I liked it. in some aspects I can relate. being that I was in a abusive relationship. You can feel her fear especially in the these lines:
The door opens
She tries to scream
No words escape her lips
Her scream is silent
none hear her now.
great job. keep up the good work.
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The greatest compliment is silence... I'm silent after reading this.
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this is great...
i havent really suffered severe abuse...a little hits and pushes nothing huge... but i had a friend and she was adopted and that sounds almost like her story.
I liked the fact that you captured abuse from someone elses point of view. Thanks for entering
Great Read
<3Dani -
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hey thanx. i was hurt to hear how bad this person was hurt. my heart gose out to all who are abused. if u want ucan give this poem to ur friend.
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Lovely nice and dark. your getting better and better. well done good luck in the contest
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hey thanx. i try. u are my inspiration for writing dark poetry. i guess i learned from one of the best.
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