Kill me so i know
what real pain feels like.
Choke me so i can feel
what it means to be
breathless.
Stab me in the heart
so i know what means
to cry rivers of blood.
Beat me so i know why
real tears are shed.
Cut me deep to make
my world come to a halt
Throw me so i know
what it feels to be
thrown away.
Leave me cold lying
on the corner so i
know what it means
to be trash.
Drag me, kicking and
screaming, to show
me real love
Push&pull me
Use and abuse
me...
Make me realise
what a mistake
i was in your
life.
Make me feel worthy
of living...
Author notes
I was crying to the point where i couldnt breathe out my nose...and i was just so angry and i didnt know why...so with crying this came out too.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lycan lore, wholesome whore, breatheren bred, bloody bed!"
OPTION 28::_
misc.
if you think it' suits the contest but not the options.
OPTION 19::_
Dirty Pretty
you know what it is and i wanna hear your BEST(maybe)
OPTION 4::_
pain. prewrites allowed. No tactless pieces "I am in so much pain because you hate me" no blond stating it please. I want to feel it, be you.
Dani The Great
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
opt. 11
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A contest entry
- Make Me Believe!!!!! by Amber Rose.
450 points, ended August 26, 2007, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Grand Theft Heartache by adsaige.
700 points, ended September 12, 2007, 9 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Life isn't everything, Death isn't nothing 1000+ point contest, LOTS OF OPTIONS!~Still open!!!~ by Soten-Jaganshi.
1100 points, ended September 7, 2007, 62 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - glitter whores, wasted hearts, & fuckin' rockstars by TheStupidLamb.
700 points, ended September 13, 2007, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - [Off-key serenades & shivering vocal chords] by LucyLightning.
500 points, ended September 1, 2007, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - "Your Favorite Prewrite" by Virgoan.
500 points, ended September 3, 2007, 103 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Slain Dreamer by Ayla YellowRose.
1600 points, ended September 20, 2007, 30 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - GIVE ME YOUR HM FOR A CHANCETO WIN GOLD by esroddo.
450 points, ended September 21, 2007, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Nothing Boring by cali951.
500 points, ended December 3, 2007, 104 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - DirtyPretty - Prewrites or Fresh by xxRainbowDawnxx.
450 points, ended July 30, 2008, 52 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Tell me what ya think!^_^
Comments
1 - 30 of 30
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Really can relate to this one sweetie, I'm used of being tossed about and pushed aside, it's almost a trademark for the way people treat me most of the time, sad that people have to go through this...well put though sweetie.
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Wow so deep and profound
Your words kinda blew me away. thanks for entering
LISA
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The soft tone and the moment captivated the intention as if a moving picture. A dark and seemingly whispering piece.
Thanks so much for participating in my contest. I wish you all the best. I encourage you to keep on writing my friend.
>>>VIRGOAN
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i enjoyed this.
good job & good luck in the contest, dear.
& i'm sorry this happened to you. =[[ -
I've felt like this before. Where You just want someone to inflict pain upon you, just so you can feel. Amazing write, doll. ♥ Thanks for entering.
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wow
The very beginning really made a statement. very passionate word. Like instead of just kill, u use words like push and pull, stab, cut, drag, etc.....
It like I felt like that before, but your words really illustrate it. And the title is kind of mysterious.... Make me feel...... LOL. Good job. This poem was really Good. I applaud you. _nora (de explora
)
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this reminds me of the things i write when im too depressed to write full long sentences. its a very good write in my opinion and i like the way it shows that you need to be hurt before you can truly feel, and the last line definitely caught me it makes me feel the insecurity.
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this reminds me of the things i write when im too depressed to write full long sentences. its a very good write in my opinion and i like the way it shows that you need to be hurt before you can truly feel, and the last line definitely caught me it makes me feel the insecurity.
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There are some really good parts in this, but there are some that are just ree-ststing the fact. I would stay with a slight vagueness and finish strong like these 2 stansas...Choke me so i can feel
what it means to be
breathless...and...Leave me cold lying
on the corner so i
know what it means
to be trash....
I thought those were the best.
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I love it. Sounds like something i would say when i was in that state. I loved the way you conveyed the arthurs feeling and created a dry sarcastic feel to every thing. A job well done and please do keep up the excellent writing.
May your Muse Inspire you...
K.V -
This is great, love the imagery that you make here, my only comment is that the last 4 lines don't quite fit with the start of the poem, maybe they just need adding to, but still~ i think this is great work
sounds like it helped vent some angst there!
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wow....this made me teary eyed....just breathtaking.
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HAWT!
OMG!!! DUDE!!! this was AWESOME! omg i loved the violence lolz. it was kind of kinky in a violent way lolz. its just soo sexy!! this is awesome. I love writing pieces like this. its like showing your feelings in an intense sort of way. gosh this is just so hot!
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Yes
You write from the heart but this poem needs to be polished. Why do you tell him to abuse you again, instead of trashing him? Make yourself feel worthy, you are special and once you realise that, the others will too. Don't appologise for living, don't invite people to abuse you! Be the queen, not the Cinderella. Let it out, roll it into a ball of paper, trash it and never look back unless you want to remember the lesson you learned. Tell people what YOU feel, not him how he should use you and hurt you again!
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Basically
You didn't get what i meant about this.
Well thanks i guess....this is a version of dirrty pretty that isnt overly punctuated. i am not the kind of person that just lets people wal all over me. And this isnt really about a break up...and i know thats what you think its about...but trust, no guy deserves to be written about.
I wrote this out of anger...so relate as to what you want. This is how life was treating me...not a guy.
Please think past guys...i might be a teen, but i do look at the bigger picture. I live by the rule "Lifes a bitch move on"
But i guess thanks for the comment...i think
-
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wow
great emotion i really enjoyed this piece. good job, bud. -
"Push&pull me
Use and abuse
me...
Make me realise
what a mistake
i was in your
life.
Make me feel worthy
of living..."
aw. i can really feel the emotion in this.
good job, and good luck [in all the contests!
]
♥
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i think this may be one of the best dirtypretty poems i've ever read. it captures the reader and keeps their attention throughout the poem, great flow and great ideas. truly amazing write.
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Wow...
You've captured poetry, the way I like to read it...
Well done again...
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in my eyes there are few ppl worth giving that to, and a lot more worth it, you are one of them, you did a strong job on this poem, good luck in the contest and keep it flowing
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This is also deep and there's not much more I can say about because I stand at loss for words
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Aw, this is so intense and sad. It's written just wonderfully and I know I've been here before and it's terrible. Good luck in the contests.
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DARK!
YOUR POEM WAS GREAT! AND SAD
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Intense
This is a well eroded write. I can feel you pain, and at that moment, I couldn't breathe either. I was the one being thrown away, I was the one not...
Wow, I feel like crying now. lol.
FINALIST LIST -
powerful
great write! just rips out your heart and makes you feel like your at the edge of your rope! not that i have far to go. thanx and good luck!
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This is sooooooo sad. I feel the pain but please don't be miserable and sad big sis. You still have people who love you, like me.
Please be happy.
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why were you crying??
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relationship/family issues
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I can feel the pain behind this.
It's really good.
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I can feel the pain and hurt in this write. We all have had our hearts broken at one time or another....
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1 - 30 of 30
