Young David Buckley waved goodbye to home;
His father shook his hand, his mother wept.
With joy he gazed at oceans crowned with foam,
But, deep below, the Leviathan slept.
To the surface the aroused creature crept,
To silhouettes it had not seen before,
And, from the heaving swell, the monster leapt,
Landing over the deck with a cruel roar.
Brave David Buckley was knocked to the floor
As the great beast slipped back to waters cool.
“Knickers to this, I’ll watch it from the shore,”
Said he, and bought a guesthouse in Blackpool.
And that was the somewhat sub-standard tale
Of David and his battle with a whale.
Author notes
My first Spencerian Sonnet. And I thought normal sonnets were tricky...
I was going to have a clichéd tale of a young man fighting a sea monster, but I couldn't control my silliness. I'm still very pleased with it though, given how bad I am at sonnets. I know the iambic pentameter is probably really dodgy, I struggle with meter. If anyone would be so good as to point out where I've gone wrong, I would very much appreciate it. (Every line has 10 syllables, but it's something about where you put the stresses, isn't it?)
If anyone's interested, the boat is called the Wavecharmer. I chose the name then never needed to use it. Typical.
A contest entry
- P.I.F. In Form, Image inspired by Tirrell.
550 points, ended September 1, 2007, 4 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make me laugh by lilblueeyesmine1978.
425 points, ended September 20, 2007, 37 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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very well written and thanks for sharing and entering my contest. i hvae gotten a lot of goo writes in this contest and good luck in the future.
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Thank you!
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this was interesting,
I could not do this
and Tirrell had faith
in me but my mind
just would not let me
Riftkin -
I actualy found this quite humorous, though unsure if you had meant it as a satire to the old sailing genra of which Melville belongs, I found it enjoyable and humorous,as I see it a success!
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Thank you! Yes, I intended it to be satirical, so I'm really glad you felt it was a success! Also, thanks very much for the silver and for introducing me to this kind of sonnet!
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Cute.
My first impression is the way in which you took a poem that should be dark and made it light and airy. Emotionally I could feel the great beast coming out of the water to envelop the ship, then slip beneath the waves again. This is so very good that it is not a bit awkward, and should not be changed. I do not know from the technical language, nor how to do them all I know is what I like to read and how it sounds to me and I loved this, all of it. The title is great it conjures up a great large beast. The first line starts this in just the right way. The last line sums this up in the perfect way. I just love this.
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Thanks very much! I can't see the cuteness, but possibly cute means something different in Engand than in the US... Anywho, thanks for the kind comment and all the time you put into giving that much detail!
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Cute ...
I don't normally like "cute", but in this case, it works. I like it. Good job.
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I admit, I really don't take cute as a compliment... I'm glad you like it, though. Could you explain what you mean by cute? Because for me it means pink fluffy thinks with stupidly large eyes...
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