fingers fumbled uselessly,
as if a flashlight was ever convenient enough to be there when you needed it.
the house had shuddered, solemn as a dying breath
[ followed with a pregnant pause ]
…
when rays of light went limp (the power perished-
adding depth to the unfortunate umbrage
a certain shade only light could lift..)
lips stitched shut by tormenting threads of “responsibility”-
[i had an example to set,
as the eldest of four.]
any panic i pronounced would only encourage an explosion of expected distress,
diluting the reality of a simple storm.
Lightning lashed like whips against a bruised sky,
splitting the sanctity of the city in pretty pieces.
…
[when it was over]
the florescent lamps felt like a metaphor for perseverance.
Author notes
I count 18 lines, not including spaces. I'm not sure what this style was supposed to be, but I feel like it works.
Be nice to me, I have writers block. My first piece in awhile that I didn't premeditate for like... 8 hours.
A contest entry
- A certain shade... by Virgoan.
500 points, ended September 4, 2007, 8 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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The shade of perseverance in the brokenness and the spaces provided is very much felt.
My favorite line:
"Lightning lashed like whips against a bruised sky"
The language and style used is very good. There is beauty within the words/lines. Enjoyed this one!
Thanks for sharing and I wish you all the best in the contest. Keep writing fellow poet.
>>>VIRGOAN
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Nice Linds. Great great great imagery and use of words. I have picked up inspiration from thee.
muah love love.
-Esha
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interesting
I thought the abstractness of your poem really complimented itself. good work & good luck in the contest.
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