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conscious submission

Missing image

conscious submission

come to me, make love to my mind
caress my body, touch my soul
let loving hearts be intertwined
release my spirit, take control

caress my body, touch my soul
my wall is down, so please be true

hand in hand our emotions stroll
kiss my thoughts, as they drift to you

let loving hearts be intertwined
two hearts as one, it must be fate
my heart can see no longer blind
I need you dear, please be my mate

release my spirit, take control
spiritual strength, two combined
no greater love can one extol
come to me, make love to my mind

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes

 dedicated to Allan

 

Retourne:

Like so many other French forms, the Retourne is all about repetition. It contains four quatrains (four-line stanzas), and each line has eight syllables. The trick is that the first stanza's second line must also be the second stanza's first line, the first stanza's third line is the third stanza's first, and the first stanza's fourth line is the fourth stanza's first. Retournes do not have to rhyme.
form source: shadowpoetry.com

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Comments

1 - 18 of 18

  • scorpio rising
    August 26, 2007

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    My Lord!!!!

    What am I suppose to say....


    Im jealous!

    Hahahaha


    I sure hope this Allan guy knows what he has found!!

    Hahaha...

    Seriously though


    A beautiful, beautiful poem


    "caress my body, touch my soul
    my wall is down, so please be true

    hand in hand our emotions stroll
    kiss my thoughts, as they drift to you"

    Like...what?


    This is sensual...just as I like

    And of course he will....he better!


    Ok Im done


    Remarkable piece


    Keep them comin!



    Much Love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



  • Swan song gold member
    August 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is very smooth and well rhymed Retourned don't have to rhyme but you made it rhyme and did it well.
    I like the content of the poem it bears another read


  • jo-el
    August 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    excellent. submission that opens all gates from body to soul. an openess of the heart that won't deny any intrusion extending invites with passion even into the subconscious levels. this is true love. last stanza says it all: release my spirit, take control
    spiritual strength, two combined
    no greater love can one extol
    come to me, make love to my mind. excellent expressions

  • cherchezlafemme
    August 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I looove the whole piece, pic, poem, title. It feels like a secret room of the heart. Allan is a lucky guy The magic is really happening here, after all it's from the heart A room in the heart with a view, unobstructed. I have this same intuition and empathy with my partner and it feels totally safe. This form of poetry unknown to me works very beautifully. Two hearts as one in fate this is strong. To me, it's the finger of God touching the hearts. A real pleasure to read you.


  • Asdzaa Nadleehe
    August 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful write...I love the calming feeling wash over me as I read this...
    Very nicely written..
    Best wishes
    Peace
    ~A~


  • awannabepoet
    August 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Giving hearts and wandering minds

    It is of true surrender that you speak, that the heart does feel complete this there is no denying as for the mind that is another matter.

    Let the heart lead for the mind will follow, if love is to be the truest gift in this form of complete abandonment.

    I like it, I like it so.


  • Billythekid
    August 25, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    This is a really awesome form. I have never heard of it.It's even better since you did ryhme.


  • Whoochi gold member
    August 25, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Lovely dedication...this felt so soft and intimate, dreamy like...Well done as always....good luck!


  • And Hyetal
    August 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Wow! This was absolutely amazing!!! Just one problem though... The first line in the second stanza is not the same as the second line in the first stanza. But yet, this poem is absolutely amazing!!!

    Always,
    Cassie (who is FOREVER in your debt!!!!!)


    • Amera gold member
      August 25, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      You're right! Thanks I missed that; I fixed it.


  • captain howdy
    August 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Since I really shouldn't just quote the whole poem, here's the stanza I liked best:

    "my wall is down, so please be true
    come close to me and make me whole
    kiss my thoughts, as they drift to you
    hand in hand our emotions stroll"

    A beautiful write! I don't know what kind of magic ink must flow from your pen or what sort of goddess must live in your imagination, heart, and soul...but your poetry is always astounding!


  • PerVirtuous
    August 24, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Sounds like the perfect proposition... when do I start? I hope it is now, because I am ready to take the lead. You are so sexy!


    Signed with love,

    Your Allan


  • Desire gold member
    August 24, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Aaaaaaaaaw Dangggggg!!

    Gorgeous verse You have penned which Inspires the Spirit to smile
    Huge smile
    Beautiful images and dedicated to Your other half~
    Love this!!

    Sigh~~~~

    Form Queen

    Many blessings to You in the contest
    Best wishes too
    and much love~ Desire~*~


  • HaleyMary
    August 24, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful write. I liked the title and the last line. It made me think of an emotional connection in love. Keep up the great work.


  • Whispering Wind Moderators member
    August 24, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I am touched by your beautiful words of love and need.You are the Queen of poetry my Little Blue Star thank you so much for sharing that wonderful heart with me

  • Eusebius
    August 24, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    bravo

    A fine and potent poem with excellent rhyme and meter heartfelt, poignant and so romantic...bravo... bravo...


  • JohnnyD gold member
    August 24, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Beautifully done Amera,

     

    and it answers my question of why we relate so well as 'family' in many ways, in that, your emotional makeup concerning love and romance towards men, is virtually identical to mine towards women.

     

    Oh, not exact, to be certain, but most similar.

     

    An interesting revelation.

     

    but, again, nicely done gal :)

     

    very much so

     

    *rose*

     

    Dad


  • plainoljoe
    August 24, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    open the eyes in you mind and the Satyr will cum for/to you--let him know when your brave enough to experience the Satyr Way

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