this ache emanates
from the same place
where I break in pieces like glass.
the shards have begun to melt,
slowly dripping
candle wax faces, smiles.
don't I taste like black-hearted
attack--
a grey mass where Christ dies thrice
like I have again, like I did in vain.
as she empties herself
for my sins, her spirit escapes the flames.
bleed me dry
for my hollow soul,
my dark dawn face.
I haven't made reparation
for these atrocities.
I have spoken hastily, renouncing the faith.
break me open
and stare in awe at my
shame.
A contest entry
- The Big To-Do by grm.
8874 points, ended August 26, 2007, 6 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 26 of 26
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This is rather amazing. So refined, an admirable flow. Its refreshing to see such these subjects merged so smoothly, used so metaphorically. You make a clear statement in the last stanza. I can't comment.
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Man this is crazy/beautiful. I like it. It's hard picking those pieces back up.
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thanks. though I should mention this peice is not meant to be taken literally. it's more metaphorical/sarcastic.
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Oh, well i do tend to take things literal. Great job anyway
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her spirit escapes the flames
have you ever watched a cremation? the funeral pyres in Varanasi, the spirits always escape there...
sometimes you can see them get swallowed by the crying wives who legally aren't allowed to burn themselves on their husband's fire anymore.
fantastic poem you have here
love,
Vitamin
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bleed me dry for my hollow soul,
my dark dawn face.
I haven't made reparation
it is hard to repair all the time
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A real word weaver you are, weaved so beautiful, it ought have been gold for this one, still a great big congrats, a very well deserved winning!
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Mmm...good stuff. I like to read something raw every once in a while. I can almost hear this read on a halflit stage, in a deep throaty voice with a faint sounds of bongos beating in the background. Nice use of the word "atrocities," it fits perfectly.
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"bleed me dry for my hollow soul,
my dark dawn face.
I haven't made reparation
for these atrocities."
A beautifully written piece, Lea. Having some familiarity with Catholicism (my best friend is kind of "lapsed"), I understand the essence of undeserved "guilt"...& while I don't have a child, I have seen the issues surrounding the beginnings of school. In Kansas, we started a bit earlier; I didn't turn 5 until the month after school started. The kids taunted me, telling me I was "too young" to be there. I cried, of course, always wanting to do what the "big kids" did. Had I known how much I would ultimately detest the process of "education", I would have delayed as long as I could. Of course, I wound up working in a college library for years...go figure. 
I love learning & consider myself to be a lifelong student...I just didn't care for the "organized version" & what was more geared towards the seriously below-average student. People who are artistic are usually frustrated by school - at least, those I've spoken with certainly were. But I digress, as usual. This is a grand penning, my Friend...very trophy-worthy. Congratulations for your win in the contest. Hugs to you & your lovely daughter, Sweetie. And good luck to your husband once the boys start to notice how gorgeous she is. 
Wanda
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well here in Illinois they won't let a child begin kindergarten if their fifth birthday is even one day past the start date.
so since my daughter's birthday is in Novenber, she had to wait till this year to begin. that helps I know. she would've never been emotionally ready last year.
as for myself, I always liked and did well in school, even with all my artisticness, so either I am just weird or else you have run into a long string of coincidences. don't get me wrong, I had some teachers I didn't like here and there, but I liked school just the same, though probably more so as I got older. and of course, college is way better than the earlier years.
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A clever play of words here - I especially appreciated "grey mass" which ties into the Christian themes well. I always admire well thought out flow and this seemed very much a case of such, even the beginning. I know how it is - sometimes you just start writing but the muse/ic
doesn't start striking the page until a few beats have passed. That didn't happen here, so I respectfully disagree with other comments asserting it did.
Oh - and you're in for it now ... Moahahahaha! - for now I must favouritise you. Don't fret, it's like being privatised ... just without the public display of angst
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thank you my dear. I shall add you as well!
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Not, I hope, for mere reciprocities sake - this isn't a game of tag you know
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no not at all I assure you
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My mother is what the Faith likes to refer to as a "Fallen Catholic." It is an issue with the rest of her devoted Irish-Catholic family. The way I read this is almost how I feel she must feel at time when confronted by those she loves in her family about her Faith -- or removal from the historic formalities of it. At least that's how I see the lines like "don't I taste like black-hearted / attack-- / a grey mass where Christ dies thrice," and "like I have again, like I did in vain. / as she empties herself /
for my sins, her spirit escapes the flames."
I say this, because right or wrong there is a sense of the poet confronting her own emotions (e.g., the first two stanzas), and those of those she loves (i.e. defending her convictions in the final three stanzas, with some measure of regret).
Regardless of the veracity of this interpretation, the carefully chosen phraseology and imagery of self-retribution are perfectly wrought. Excellent piece Lea.
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Excellent..congratulations. Intense, and stark imagery you've used here. wow.
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thanks.
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i thought the first couple of stanzas are weaker than the rest of the poem, but the following stanzas really break into a totally original stride. the ending really hits hard.
a well-crafted write.
thanks so much for entering
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yes I would agree that the first stanza might definitely be something I would like to rethink. though I think at first I had not realized that.
thanks for reading...
Lea
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Different, well written. The first read left me confused.
One must meditate a bit and comes out very well done.
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"reparation" should be plural.
this is a wonderfully written piece, beautiful and majestic and it commands the audience right from the start. thanks for sharing this with everyone and keep on writing
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actually though it is commonly used plurally, it can be used this way as well. reparation is an act, therefore it can be said that you have made reparation for your sin, you can committ an act of repararion, etc. it is not used quite the same as making amends.
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oh hush
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