Put no blame on programmed skies
for drought or drowning weather,
no credit to the elm tree
or the sundial's finger
for the branches' cooling shade
or the counted hour.
The natural sequences of change
know neither spite nor favour -
the spiral-coiling galaxies
are not moved by desire.
Within the spinning second
that turns the turning hour
motion's mainspring Time
unwinds evolving Nature
that knows no elemental gods
of earth, air, fire or water.
The vast expanding Cosmos turns
as time unreels the future
devoid of any deities
with providential power
and neither prayers nor sacrifice
will ever change the weather,
no rabbit's foot or rosary
can make a season falter.
Impotent lies
the talisman,
the pentagram,
the altar.
In a list
A contest entry
- ONLY Pre-Writes that should have won a trophy. by lindaburns.
1700 points, ended October 22, 2007, 31 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Visionary Poems. by Hermit Risin.
600 points, ended May 29, 2008, 11 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Mysteries of the Universe by enitsirhC.
555 points, ended July 2, 2008, 14 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - short, colorful, to the point by Avani.
800 points, ended December 24, 2008, 44 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 30 of 30
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There seems to be nothing we can do about anything that fate and destiny as to throw at us. I like what this poem does with that idea. It also has a sense of darkenss in the background of the piece. I like it. Good job.
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Good writing
Time is our measurement of motions of matter. I think this universe may have no beginning nor end. Galaxies recycle from twin spiral arms initially produced by a local collision (a quasar) of two black holes and then due to gravity collapse into the shape of Andromeda, then into balls ending entirely into black holes. An endless cycle in our universes dimensions. Either we are created in this incubator as a test for greater things, or all this complex activity (that could not have just fallen together by chance) was created by a mad god. It was too smart to have done all this for no reason. Time, the motion of matter, shows purpose at all levels. There is a reason for everything that is here. (My opinion)
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Incredible. I am not only stunned at the sheer beauty of this piece, but the depth that stands behind and supports not only each individual word, but also each sentence, then each stanza, and finally the whole.
Thought provoking pieces give me such an intense pleasure...When a writer is able spark the gears inside my mind, and then what they have fed me continues to work those same gears for some time after, they give me such an exhilarating gift.
Thank you.
Smile♫
Rachel
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interesting; naturally, i have my own beliefs and little will sway them, however still i managed to enjoy reading this for it was so well formed, and constructed - very nicely done indeed and best wishes in the contest
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Hi. Thanks, I appreciate your friendly comment - particularly so as my piece expresses a view contrary to your own. A compliment indeed! My best regards, jimmy
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Perhaps because you worded it so gently
these poems, such as yours, i enjoy reading - and indeed, perhaps one day oen of them will cause me to stop and think, and change a little.
it is the ones that attack others' religions, and bash, and preach, taht are hard to take
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excellent !
illusional people sending illusional prayers to an illusional deity dominating an illusional universe made up of illusional matter and illusional time ...
yay !!!
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Wow. This poem is so deep, so philosophival... filled with ponderous imagery and thought-provoking language. I love how it rhymes and flows perfectly... wow!
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Wow!
This is really good!
One of my favorites so far
Keep up the good work!
I'd love to read more from you in the future!
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this is very strong, and extremely well written. nice work.
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"And neither prayers nor sacrifice
Will ever change the weather"
Was my absolute favorite line, creative and appealing
A very well written poem
Thanks for entering -
very interesting. Lots of things going on here but it has ab abstract feel to it. thanks 4 yr entry
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That rare thing on this site--an intelligent poem.
Cheers,
Bill
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Hi. No, "Cosmos turns" is O.K - like 'the Universe', 'the Cosmos' is actually singular, but appreciate your comment. Cheers, jimmy
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"The vast expanding Cosmos turns"
shouldn't "turns" be "turn" ...?
love, love, love your use of slant rhyme!
welcome to the finalists!
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Beautiful, I loved this part.
The vast expanding Cosmos turns
As time unreels the future
Devoid of any deities
With providential power
And neither prayers nor sacrifice
Will ever change the weather,
No rabbit's foot or rosary
Can make a season falter.
Impotent lies
The talisman,
The pentagram,
The altar.
it really puts things in perspective.
You have used a comparison to the world to make your point. its a fantastic piece of work ,well done! -
The third verse emphasises but does not add. The power is the first two verses.
Do not be afraid to be brief.
Good poem.
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You give a person alot to think about in this work.I have reread it a couple of times and still get something new out of it each time.That is a rare gift my friend.To make a person think.It is really deep thought that you put into this I love it!
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Excellent poem, the best serious poem that I have read on Allpoetry recently. Effective use of rhythm and quasi-rhyme. (By standard rules weather, finger, etc. don't rhyme because the final syllable is not stressed.)
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I’m impressed and that’s not real easy to do. Thank you for entering my contest.
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Hi. Your gold award very much appreciated. It's a great encouragement to become better. Many thanks. jimmy
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Results...
Name: Go With The Flow
Originality: 4/4 It’s original al right
Rhythm: 2/4 I found it a little choppy at points.
Wording: ¾ Lacks imagery and vocabulary.
Ease of Reading: ¾ Didn’t flow as well as it could have.
Final Score: 12/16
For a more extensive critique contact me after the close of the contest.
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Exceptional
This is an amazing piece of Taoist-like wisdom reminiscent of the water-course way of Lao Tzu. Only a highly intelligent and very aware individual could have penned this clear-sighted and deeply thought-provoking poem. Best of luck in the contest with this
superb piece.
Mercury Rising
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I have never read a poem on this subject before- quite intriguing- I definately enjoyed your thoughts and descriptions. You have a wonderful way with words- Beautiful. Thanks for entering the contest!
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Interesting write
keeps the reader interested thoughout each line to the next
well done!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
thank you for entering into my contest!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -
I adore this, it has woken my muse from its recent slumber, best of luck in the contest!
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This drew me in with the first line... it's worded beautifully! The last three lines are very clear with their meaning. It also feels like a solid close for the poem.
Great job and good luck! -
Mysteriously seductive
The rain falls on the righteous and the unrighteous. Amazing write. I envy your vocabulary and ability with the written word. Simply amazing ending.......It seems to me that there is more here then I am able to grasp. But the lines,
That knows no elemental gods
Of earth, air, fire or water
Speak profoundly to this simpleton.(me)
It feels as though there is yet a mystery that is not dismissed.
Enjoyed Reading! Very facinating, but intimidating me for I am feeling very silly!
Castaway-poet
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very good. strong and interesting. good ending.
good luck!
jaff
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I agree...
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