When I was frail, and you had want of fruit
we grew, in twain, in meadow green
alongside playful fawns--
their merry games an unintended mockery
of withering, wanton angst.
But then a gentle breeze, divine,
rustled soft among our distant leaves
then blustered more 'til passion blew
in whirlwind's swirling strength
uprooting and encircling us,
and finally sweetly binding us
in supple connection
that flows with nectared nourishment
from trunk to clinging trunk.
And now memorial stones speckle our verdant grasses
as humble altars of union's praise;
and heaven's clouded chorus sings its gentle jubilation--
the hymn of bountiful strength we've found,
a majestic testament of love.
In a list
A contest entry
- Pre-write Party 4 by DancingRed.
300 points, ended October 1, 2007, 24 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
-
This piece is very open and airy (if that makes any sense).
Very well written with the wording providing excellent imagery. It reminds me very much of a poem or verses that an Ent-Wife would recite in response to Treebeard's Entwife Lament in Tolkien's Lord Of The Rings - The Two Towers
Good write and congrats on gold.
-
"their merry games an unintended mockery of withering, wanton angst."
-- I love that. It really creates an image of the innocent, carefree, unknowing animals, while the old, wise and dying trees look on.
The sublte internal rhyme of breeze and leaves is great - it holds the line together well. Perhaps overall line lengths could be shorter.
There is a most beautiful presence of hope and life towards the end. Very lovely.
Thanks for entering.
DancingRed.
-
Excellent, Ecellent, Ecellent! You are a master of the English language. You know its potential and bow it like a virtuoso soloist does her Stradivarius! You words here are Vivaldi transcribed.
Wondrous use of imagery and emotionally affecting. You have given voice to the trees and meaning to purpose to the picture.
-
-
So, this was the comment you made that inspired my piece, Cello. Only as you notice, I changed and wrote from the male perspective in Cello, as if HE is the virtuoso soloist. Thanks for the inspiration, as always.
-
-
Beautifully written hun, lovely phrasing and imagery, I loved the metaphor, excellent piece and it's too bad you didn't get this one in in time. Hugs, Bunny
-
Oh, this is simply divine!
I loved it! Very well written, with such a connection to the picture that inspired it! Serene and filled with an undying love. Simply beautiful!!!
-
Prompt is up!
Best of luck to you!
Adding your comment:
1 - 7 of 7
