Lust is burning in your eyes
Her body moves in curls and slinks
It is the way to hypnotize
Draw me In, Drink me In
Touch like velvet soaked in wine
Mezmerize my foolish mind
Shivers twisted, dark, sublime
Pull me Down, Caress me Down
Skin like coffee, smooth and black
Fire burns within my veins
Locked in your surprise attack
Tear me Out, Claw me Out
Perfume hangs heavily on the air
Body still, minds coalesce
Arousal fluffed by raven hair
Lift me Up, Push me Up
Souls entwined forever more
Wrap us Close, Bind us Close
My Love
Author notes
I wrote this while I was suffering in the murderous heat of Sacramento a few weeks ago. I just now found it in a note book. I guess the heat messed up my memory... even though I remember I was quite ehmo and lonely while I wrote this. And I was eating little Baybel cheeses too... =]
In a list
Critique please!!! I barely ever get critiques anymore... just thoughts and praise...
Comments
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Liked the verbiage and the imagery in this.Well done, Thanks for entering
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Nice
The subtle sensuality in this is just perfectly written!
Much enjoyed!
Thank you for sharing; I wish you the best of luck in this contest! -
Nicely done. I enjoyed reading this one. Thanks so much for the read and keep it up.
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Sexy
You asked for it:-
Curls and slinks, are excellent (well would be if spelt correctly) There is almost a rhyming scheme and with a bit of editting there could be a good one which would draw me in more completely. The scansion wavers a bit too (one too many syllables in "like a tiger springs for attack). But overall an enticing read.
I would have:-
Lust is burning in your eyes
Her body moves in curls and slinks
It is the way to hypnotize
Draw me In, Drink me In
Touch like velvet soaked in wine
Mesmerize my foolish mind
Lost inside your eyes so fine
Pull me Down, Caress me Down
Skin like coffee, smooth and black
Fire burns within my veins
Like a tigers sprung attack
Tear me Out, Claw me Out
Perfume hangs heavy on the air
Body still, minds coalesce
Arousal fluffed by raven hair
Lift me Up, Push me Up
Souls entwined forever more
Wrap us Close, Bind us Close
My Love
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