(Guy)
I loved you when I first laid eyes upon you
Joy overthrew me
Happiness poured through my soul
The smile could not be erased from this face of mine
(Girl)
His eyes sparkled like crystal
When I approached him from afar
I felt his love surge through my body
That warm feeling tingled my physical and spiritual essence
It made me a bit uncomfortable
But I liked it!
Moments of sheer glee encircled us
Those few precious minutes seem to last a lifetime
Love was in the air
And we were breathing it!
Please give me honest feedback! Good or bad. Just give it to me!
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
-
That is so sweet. It is excellently written. I just love it
-
Wow Sis! What a gripping title
I love its contents too~ amazingly done
Filled with love and a delight to read!
-
Girl! I loved this, but the lasr two lines are wat did it for me. It was a PERFECT way to end it! Excellent
-
Good poems come from heartfelt memories and moments. I think for a 17 year old you would beat me hands down
You are very talented and share your emotion well through words!
-
This is a good poem until the end. You need to add some struggle to it. The approach works, but i would like to see more poem and bad things happening and how tey get through it eetc or do they. Add some drama it is good but we need more body My honest assessment
-
wow.this is really nice. well put and emotional.
-
hmm, this hit me with soem cliche feelings.
You did a good job tying the metaphors together - overthrowing, pouring, etc.
Center spacing reduces the professionality.
I liked the guy/girl splitting up of it, it worked nicely.
Girl - "warm feeling tingled" == cliche alert!
Try to get more down to specific concrete feelings and details to the day, distractions, obsessions with skin or hair or etc
Adding your comment:
1 - 7 of 7
