All of the women that I chance to meet
Say they want a man who is clever and sweet
A good sense of humour, nice manners, polite
Kindness to animals and with her each night.
It is a surprise, when I see in the street
A girl with her man she would like me to meet.
A good education is not what he claims.
Nice house and family aren't his life’s aims.
He’s no conversationalist, grunts when he speaks
Not opened a book in seven months and three weeks
He’s no sense of humour, finds breaking wind funny
No scrupples at all about spending her money.
On all of their dates she will drive, so he thinks
Avoiding advice to just “watch what he drinks”
Each weekend there’s football, then drinks with a mate
He won’t keep his arrangements, he may just be late.
But he will be quite rugged, and dark haired and tall
And he won’t look nerdy or studious at all
He’ll shave at least weekly and have quite good teeth
She'll tell me he’s sensitive “far underneath”
But it’s no use complaining, we men are as bad
We're not looking for “mum” so we can play “dad”
Not swayed by good manners or breeding or class
We only consider the shape of her A***”
Author notes
Contest THE BEST YOU CAN DO! please enter... by LilMrsAttitude option 5 Funny
In a list
A contest entry
- The Best Poem Titles by Lick On Her1275.
490 points, ended September 15, 2007, 11 entries
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1000 points, ended November 16, 2007, 47 entries
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300 points, ended January 18, 100 entries
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300 points, ended February 19, 9 entries
Gold trophy winner
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525 points, ended March 22, 13 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - KNEE SLAPPING FUNNY MAKE ME LAUGH #60 CLOSES IN 5 DAYS PREWRITES by Roaddog Wolf.
550 points, ended April 6, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 46 of 46
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Ah well.You've learnt our secrets now haven't you and we yours.Don't look yet, I need to lose a pound or too first, Ros
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good fu read thanks for the entry
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I have seen this also, and cannot account for it! It seems insane. Maybe our Dad's have taught us to expect too little. And there is definitely a degree of comfort in familiarity, for good or ill.
Nicely done rhyme and meter, and very well told.
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lol i find this highly amusing..... and pretty much sums it up... thanx for sharing Linda xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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Thank You!!
Thank You for Your entry: What women want
This piece had me in stitches
Love the tale told and that rhyme...
!!!
I almost had choked on my lunch~
But he will be quite rugged, and dark haired and tall
And he won’t look nerdy or studious at all
He’ll shave at least weekly and have quite good teeth
She'll tell me he’s sensitive “far underneath”
Love the reference to *far underneath*
I Appreciate the time You took to bring forth
a HUGE smile to my face
Thank You for sharing Your Humor also Spirit!
Best wishes to You in the contest Sweet Soul
**Judging will be done shortly...
Many blessings too
and much love~ Desire~*~
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In response Cricket Jeff. Your welcome, I'm always glad to prompt people and I'm always happy to give out shiny trophies to those who earn them
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Men, I couuld on forever, but this poem is very true and funny even though it's a awell known well fact.
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Thank-you for my shiny cup, it's a well known fact, but then I wrote the poem a while ago, I did polish it up for your contest and made it a much better poem so thank-you for prompting me to do that.
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Funny, I go for the shape of a guys **S. How we choose our mates varies widely from person to person. Very cute poem. Thanks for entering my contest and the best of luck to you.
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Haha thats quite true! though some of us go for the smart nerdy guys anyway haha
"Not opened a book in seven months and three weeks" loved this one and the last stanza the best! Well done
. Rewarded 4
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soo funny! i really like how it rhymes.
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Hehehe... I liked this one.. It's soooo true
I really liked the rhyming and the rhythm it had to it. It was a wonderful touch. Really.
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Now that is quite a tale you have spun
Nice guys and gals rarely ever have won
But the truth is spoken in your poem here
So I give you this and three for cheer
. Rewarded 4
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Oh so terribly true.
: )
I like it! -
LMAO Nice one and so true,if only this world had people that are real,but we live in a world where you get people who play with your emotions,Hazel
. Rewarded 4
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I'm totally laughing because that's so true!!! As sad as it is... it's true and you've really told it like it is here!!! I loved the ending.. haha... so honest!!
Thanks for entering! -
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Thank-you very much, I wrote it a long time ago (well not that long, 6 months! it just seems long) and it is still one of my favourites.
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Very Funny! -- Excellent Writing
This is NOT true of MY wife, because she chose ME!
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Teehee =]
~Technical criticism:
None, points for prose.
~Poetical criticism:
'Nearly every girl that I ever meet': I would've worded it differently, but that's just me.
~Favorite line:
'He’s not opened a book in seven months and three weeks': I love how it flows perfectly in this stanza.
'We just want to say “BLIMEY look at that A***” ': Obviously, I don't have to say why do I?
~Overall:
Bellissimo! It made me smile. I also love the flow, and ryhme is always high on my kudos list.
Best of luck!
Lysander
<3
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lol well there is truth within this that is for sure. It is sad, and it seems the more we move into the next realm of life we lose more gentleman and ladys. Thank you, good luck.
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I can't say it's the perfect poem, but on humorous merit it has some great lines.
I'd agree most girls don't make the right connection between what kind of man they want, and which men fit that description.
Probably due to all the advice taken too seriously from Dolly and then Chleo (as they age).
=> Jess -
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I don't think it matters if we are male or female, gay or straight. We all have a theoretical idea of the ideal partner, but then hormones get in on the act and throw logic out the window!
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True, but I find the difference is that generally guys will /know/ that their hormones are getting in the way. Whereas women just assume that men are the same as women psychologically, making a quicker link between attraction and love, then mope about when their expectations aren't met.
(If you guys think women can be confusing or frustrating, take it from the female rock they cry on and test out their stories from avice from )
If a guy has a problem with a female and he talks to me, it's so much easier and so much more direct.
=> Jess
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We are just as capable of screwing up royally :-) I think all of us tend to project ourselves onto everyone we meet. I suspect more men have simple problems with women because most men assume women are as simple as they are!
It has taken me 30 odd years to work out that we are all different!!!
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HAHAHAHHAA! *wipes laughing tears*
He’s no conversationalist, he grunts when he speaks
He’s not opened a book in seven months and three weeks
He’s no sense of humour, finds breaking wind funny
He isn’t that thoughtful about spending her money.
So amazing. Reminds me of several girls I know - their boyfriends are VERY sensible...and their sensibility is very...VEEERY far underneath. Haha, very good.Best of luck in the contest!
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Oh I simply must add that my favourite lines have to be:
He’s no conversationalist, he grunts when he speaks
He’s not opened a book in seven months and three weeks
So good! And so sadly true about so many men... Again, great write! -
This is an interesting piece because I recently read a similar piece written by a man as well stating the exact opposite I have to say I agree with this though. Very well done I can't imagine why you didn't receive even an honorable mention in either contests entered. This it very amusing and well written.
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Hahaha!! Oh delighted I looked! So bloody good, and so horridly true... Most excellent write, deserves much praise. Very good!
. Rewarded 4
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I had to click... being a woman and I wanted to make sure you got the facts straight. This is quite an interesting piece and even with the injections of humor there is a lot of truth to what you say here. The closing stanza just had me cracking up. Great job here.
♥ Touchof1der
. Rewarded 6
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Oh boy...
have you ever hit that nail on the head. What ever it is that makes human beings so darn shallow, I wish someone would invent a cure. It would have to be something that could be purchased on impulse at the check-out line in the local convenience store. If their is too much effort involved nobody will do it. Very funny poem. I could visualize the types described to a tee... Ithica
. Rewarded 8
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Haha! This is such a true poem. I mean don't all women want someone like that? But they never end up with someone like that either.
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funny...the ending kind of blew me away. Thanks for entering and good luck!
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this ws a interesting good dpirited poem good luck in my contest i am glad you joined it
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LOL this was good,humorous and so nice to read, enjoyed the serious play go to who cares to danged it is a man playing womens games lol good job.good luck..mm
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LMAO so very true....Thank you for the laugh
Good luck in the contest.
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This tongue-in-cheek write has a lyrical feel and a smooth flow until a slight pause within the first two lines of the fourth stanza,would like to offer the suggestion that perhaps to omit either of the "so's" would tighten this.Enjoyed reading this rib tickling write,within humour we usually find a grain of truth and that we find herein with the melding of reality and the dreams held within,good luck in the contest.
. Rewarded 8
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Hmmmmmmm
On all of their dates she will drive, so he thinks
Then he doesn’t have to “watch what he drinks”
Each weekend there’s football, then drinks with a mate
He won’t keep his arrangements, or if he does he’ll be late.
Yes that works, I'm not certain, I read it out with a break between the "statement" and "reply" elements of those two lines which seems to work for me, I'll try this new versioon a couple of times then may change it, thanks.
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Very very very witty and humorous. It's quite clear that this is a genuinely fun poem.
It's very entertaining, although at some points it's a bit rugged, for example-
'On all of their dates she will drive, so he thinks
So that he doesn’t have to “watch what he drinks”'
The rest of the poem flows so smoothly and suddenly these two particular lines give it a sort of rough feel.
Other than that, you've penned quite a witty and enjoyable piece.
I'm waiting for more!
=D
. Rewarded 8
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Thanks for the comments, try saying it with a big pause before the second half of each of those lines and the flow comes back, but that bit is certainly trickier than I like. I shall continue to look for ways to polish it.
The follow-up was "what men want" and is also on AP.
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I like this one !
You have saida mouthfull my friend. So true are you're worda. Keep up the great work !
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lol so true....
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"He’s no conversationalist, he grunts when he speaks
He’s not opened a book in seven months and three weeks."
That's my favourite part.
I love how it all builds into a funny finish. -
Paints a pretty accurate picture...doesn't it ? *;-)*
Still trying to figure out those emoticons....
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That's great... nice setup for a hilarious ending. Definitely used your own style and made a very unique write. I loved:
He’s no conversationalist, he grunts when he speaks
He’s not opened a book in seven months and three weeks
Very nice... keep up the good work!
. Rewarded 6
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