Alabaster eyes, cold as stone.
Laid upon porcelain skin,
Untouched, unknown.
Pale white cream, soft tan lines
Stained with knowledge
Imbued with lies.
Innocent alabaster, soft peach rose.
Purity, petals.
Unfurled, then exposed.
Leave just the center, a waning cry
As it softly withers,
Innocence dies.
Shining alabaster, beautiful light
So easily stained,
Turned like night.
One touch, it fades, dulled and grey.
Till the alabaster innocence
Is slowly touched away.
A contest entry
- Colors! by autarky.
700 points, ended August 25, 2007, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - All Your Poems Are Belong To Me by Samantha Amergirdol.
1000 points, ended September 6, 2007, 106 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
For a colors contest.
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
-
I like how the color is darkening as the innocence is lost. Good imagery and analogy.
Good write, congrats on gold.
-
You've used such beautiful symbolism in this piece; it powerfully conveys the feelings of loss of innocence.
Congrats on winning gold.
DancingRed. -
Wow, this is simply an amazing poem. I love how nicely it flows, and the beautiful word choice and imagery. You are truly a talented writer.
thanks so much for entering! -
Oh wow I loved the word choice in this poem. The flow was just amazing, it was a short but meaningful poem. It had me wanting to hear more. It put vivid visuals in my my mind, and I think I liked the ending the best.
-
I clicked to this poem through the "shameless promotion" page after I saw that you hadn't written in around three years. Welcome back to poetry(!), and I hope the feedback you get makes you want to start writing again :-)
I really liked the details of this poem-- the way I could envision the petals of the flower, the color of the skin, etc. The "as stone" in the first line seems a lil redundant (alabaster is stone), and I don't understand why the skin is already "imbued with lies" by line six, but other then that it all holds together well and was a good read. Thanks -
-
Thank You!
I need all the motivation i can get, and I very much appreciate your kind comment, especially coming from the shameless box. Yes, I am ashamed at my self, but I need the critique badly. ; ; thank you!
-
-
Ooh wow, that was beautiful! The rhyming scheme was very interesting, very different, and yet extrememly enjoyable.
The repetition of "innocence" worked really well! I think my favorite lines are the last ones.
"One touch, it fades, dulled and grey.
Till the alabaster innocence
Is slowly touched away."
Wow.
Good job, and good luck!
Adding your comment:
1 - 7 of 7
