Free the freaking fall foilage
fickle friends flaunting freedom
pick the path to precious pork
think about thursday thanksgivings
what a wicked waste of wandering warriors
indiginious indians injured: injustice
Free the freaking fall foilage
fickle friends flaunting freedom
pick the path to precious pork
think about thursday thanksgivings
what a wicked waste of wandering warriors
indiginious indians injured: injustice
A contest entry
- PIF - 10/30/30 by CarolDesjarlais.
425 points, ended August 23, 2007, 7 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
I like this style, what do you think?
Comments
1 - 23 of 23
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Fun to read aloud. Liked the line by line approach.
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Thoughtful Thanksgiving
Fun too find this fact filled feature
this rhyme rampant with real resonance
and a porker, not the usual feathered creature
to grace the table with an arrow through its heart, perchance
Tiki Cat
Buy Tiki's Gourmet Cat Food
"Too Good For Humans"
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I do love alliteration but this was a real tongue twister.
The no caps on Thursday or Thanksgiving kind of threw me off a bit but I can see your point, however with that said, I don't think Free which starts the poem should be capped either...just my opinion.
A good short fun write.
Witty
Becky
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clever play with words here, you choose wisely well one - love the last line rounds up the rest of your words perfectly; well done!x
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This was very good.
Amber -
Ah, awesome. Articulately annotated
perfectly poetisized
trashing Thanksgiving
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Alliterations are so fun, so it's really cool how you put it into your poetry. This is a very unique piece and I am very glad I found it.
Thank you for sharing it.
~bird
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i love alliteration, but in a short write..i think it might be a wee bit too much of a good thing here.
however, it is a fun read. if you are not going to cap thursday or thanksgiving, the 'free' doesnt need it either. i love how you summarized it with one word :injustice
congrats on winning a trophy with this delightful write.
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you did justice to this write!
hey this was pretty good, funny, sad, etc. this was pretty good. short and to the point. i like that. even though i ALWAYS have alot to say. this was pretty cool. and by the way, I'M INDIAN!!! and i can't wait for the foliage to fall... read my stuff, 'i'm a green vine. color me greem'. we are thinking along the same lines. good write kevin. love gypsyfish
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This was an excellent poem! I enjoyed reading this very much! Nice play on words! I love the alliteration, thank you for sharing
Congrats on your bronze
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I think you overdid the alliteration. It sounded forced, not flowing.
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this is really good it shows alliteration and goodjob with the bronze
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I love the rhythm and use of consonants and the message also, good to always remember what happened after the first thanksgiving.
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Another funny little poem of yours Kevin, your subtle humor makes my day!
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It's interesting....limerickistic...is that what you were getting at?
Aden
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Hey, congrads on this bronze. Fall will filter in soon enough and be gone far too soon.I like the case of lightheartedness heard in this piece.
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Congratulation On the Bronze
Different unique and very interesting write. And well enjoyed. LISA
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lol Kevin I had to read the first line like seven times before I understood what you were saying. It's like a tongue twister. I like it. Nice play on words. It made me giggle. The last line was my favorite because it gave a serious note to an otherwise (I thought) fun, light-hearted write.Good work!!Congrats!
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That was a bit of a tongue-twister for me, but I soooo enjoyed it!
Congratulations on earning BRONZE for this masterful piece.
~ Nicholas
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Kewl
Interesting flow. Absolutely loved it. I love the alliteration wonderfully done. Great Job.
*Go with God* my friend,
Valerie
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Nice ~
Nice job seeing through the picture ~
Your last line wraps it all up very well ~
I didn't need a shovel to get to the depths of this write ~
Good job Kevin & good luck ~
Bear ~
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O, this is very good..I love alliteration. I love the inuendo..
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