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Phoenix

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Leaving Cranes (Free Verse)

 

 

a light wind

whipped the waves

into origami shapes

 

leaving cranes

with tattered necks

and sodden feet

 

drifting

 

subtly

towards distant shore

 

never knowing

if shifting conditions would warrant

a brutal crash

into cliffs

 

or a softer welcome

on sandy beach

 

 

 

 

Effigies of Stone (Shakespearian Sonnet)

 

 

Thought travels as a storm upon the wind,

eroding common effigies of stone.

In turning pulse and counted spin of sin;

to break apart uncommonness of bone.

 

With ache of arms I struggle toward his shore,

Where pleasures turn to ice upon the shoal;

and carve does curse as winter, evermore.

A subtle burst of paper turned to coal.

 

He binds me in misshapen crease of tide.

My hair blown sodden tangles in flung foam.

While lofting fragile spirit wings to ride

upon once barren heart of buried tome.

 

What is this yearn to crave for nature's man?

This deeper creature's magic changed to sand.

 

 

 

 

Dancing Waves (Sestina)

 

 

Thought travels as a storm upon the wind,

eroding common effigies of stone.

Turning pulse in counted spin of waves;

to break apart uncommonness of man.

Where pleasures turn to ice upon the shore

and carve does curse as winter, evermore.

 

He binds me in misshapen evermore.

My hair blown sodden tangles in the wind.

With ache of arms I struggle toward his shore,

washed in gentle flow on saddened stone.

Where loss is flamed as dimmer, burnished man;

surrendered cheap in linen bound in waves.

 

He wings south, in flight of origami waves.

A subtle burst of paper evermore;

in crease to crane belief in spinning man,

while lofting fragile spirit into wind.

Laden with the weight of summer's stone,

as anchor screaming soft on gravel shore.

 

Stumbled as survivor beached on shore

his siren calls in slender dancing waves.

Where cliffs do sing a lullaby of stone,

and hope does chime in light of evermore.

For wary wander whispered in the wind,

where peals of love turn thunder into man.

 

What is this yearn to crave for nature's man?

When rock does turn to feathered springtime shore.

And hallowed cries of tender, moan the wind;

leaving unknown tethers, felt in waves.

Upon once barren heart of evermore,

where time does stop in wonder turned to stone.

 

He offers gifts of orchestrated stone.

This deeper creature's magic changed to man.

Where blinded eyes have opened evermore,

in blessing sparkled sedately on my shore.

Where wait is beastly burden's goodbye wave,

in float of peace filled scent, upon my wind.

 

I wait as stone still clinging to this shore,

for subtle man, whose starlight flickers waves.

Folded in his promised evermore, softly born in clearer winters wind.

 

 

 

Author notes

Pheonix symbolizing birth and death and rebirth, of love, hope and things once thought lost, but somehow found...


http://allpoetry.com/column/show/2337720

1. Why do you feel that you deserve to win this challenge?

i did try hard, but i'm not sure my quality is up there yet to equal the competitors here whom all have done a terrific job and pulled through with some brilliant poetry.

2. Your opinion about this challenge.

love your challenges...you are so much appreciated for all the hard work that you put in, not sure you hear that enough, but know that you are.

3. Leave three links to your best work throughout this challenge. (Select these carefully)

http://allpoetry.com/poem/show/3015328 Past Reflections

http://allpoetry.com/poem/show/3146724 Spoiled Children

http://allpoetry.com/poem/show/3255849 Torchlit Path of Ponder


side note: i did a sestina before i noticed that the form ahd to rhyme, although i tried to meter it, and hope it turned out all right as i've never done one before, when i went to turn it in i saw the rhyme and meter and count, which is not all there in the sestina i wrote first, so i changed it about some and turned it into a sonnet...but i put it up anyway because that was my original choice of forms to do, so that's why there are 3 poem, instead of the 2 required...

(i need to learn to read better lol)

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • luckynsincere
    September 2, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Wolfy,

    I want to say thank you first, for your authors comments I truly appreciate that. I feel that this challenge has brought the best out on you... I giggled at the fact that you admitted to not following the instructions throughout But to see you used that in your favor shows your awesomeness even more. I admire your strength. I love your writing... You are most welcomed to join next sesaon as a judge, no matter the outcome I want to thank you for the hardwork and the dedication you have set forth... never to complain... or take offense to the constructive critisim. That means a lot. I have enjoyed you

    99

    Mel


    ahhh.. the sonnet... you guys know it is my fav!!


  • Arkbear gold member
    August 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Arrrrgggg...........

    .....why did you stop sooo soon on your FV write?

     

    hehe....I was just Really getting into it....and

    BAM...you slammed it shut on me!

     

    However....the piece that I did read had me

    clutched to my monitor awaiting for the next line ~

     

    Brilliant job here ~

     

    Ok....for your Formed write....hmmm...not

     bad...but not as good as your FV ~

     

    I think your flow was messy, but I think your grammatical

    choices were simple, vivid, and not over the top Hot Shot writing ~

     

    I did read the Sestina, good job as well, but I won't critique it,

     as it was not part of your Round criteria for this week ~

     

    Nice choice on your links....chosen wisely ~

     

    The biggest thing I am going to hit you on is the fact that this was

    the Finals.....and to stop us from getting and capturing all of your glorious

    thoughts and details within this Rounds entries, I think

    you shot us down like a boy shooting pigeons in Central Park

    with his homemade slingshot.......

     

    ........in other words...not a very nice thing to do in the Finals ~

     

    This was the Finals.....not the beginning ~

     

    However, based on what I read, I will Judge you accordingly ~

     

     

    Flow   9.5

    Topic   9.8

    Depth   8.7

    Theme   8.9

    Feelings   9

    Grammar   9

    Presentation 10

    Uncommonness   9

    Sit & Ponder Affect   8.9

    Ability to follow Rules   10 

    Bears Score:   92.8

     

     


  • Desire gold member
    August 23, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Holy Mother of Pearl Jam!!

    When I started to read...I was like
    Does she have three forms
    Powerfully penned and a Sonnet~
    My hat off to You girly!!
    You have also chosen one of my favorite
    creatures which have provided much of
    my Inspiration
    Yay!!

    I don't think I have done a Sestina before
    -looks back at notes-

    Thank You for sharing Your Talent Beautiful!

    Best wishes to You in the Challenge!
    Many blessings too
    and much love~ Desire~*~


  • Laura Lamarca gold member
    August 23, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Firstly the freeverse is nice. Secondly, I love sonnets and yours reminded me why, that's a fine sonnet you have there. And to say that's your first sestina, you should be very proud. At first they're so complicated, but as with any form, they get easier with practise. I wish you luck in this final and I thank you for sharing your talents with me. La x