I will meet you by the fire
you caused in my veins.
To swim deliberately
in this sensuous path created by us -
lying on desire's celestial meridian.
There placed upon the seat of
our spirit, the ultimate of
amenities- to delve and bring
reality to intangible feelings
and give life: that which
colonizes the spirits.
A mutual release, as we give homage
to each and every longing met within.
You've entered my soul, and all pretensions
collapse; the truth has presented itself
and the soul sees deeper than the eyes -
the heart.
Author notes
a passionate encounter, bring about the truth of love.
A contest entry
- Enter My Soul. by Poetryintheblood.
350 points, ended August 26, 2007, 5 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 31 of 31
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applause
You certainly have a way with words
this is soooo sensual and yet it is spiritual as well
will meet you by the fire
you caused in my veins.
To swim deliberately
in this sensuous path created by us -
lying on desire's celestial meridian
to me, this is almost like the lovers uniting in spirit and as one and flowing through each others veins
a lifeforce of love
wonderful poem
moon2u
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Thank you sweet Moon...going to work will come by later to read your beautiful writes.
LL -
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have a great day at work
hugs Moony
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Intense..
your words peer through the
heart and soul like a laser.
Revealing dimensions of engagement
rarely experienced by friends or lovers.
I love your phrasing but most of all
the depth of your hearts utterance.
Absolutely brilliant. Blessings
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Spit, tongs and a poker...
the heat of direction spinning wheels in 5 complete opposites constitutions. intolerance engulfed in inflammable flames and a fire rises higher than a spirituality devoured in an hour. 3 parts harmony, 1 part hallowed ground. rigid intensity - a collar tossed on the spit; tonged along and poked to pieces. ~ EZB
www.moodgroove.com
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Wow
I love it. This is am amazing write, so full of emotion and yet calm. I love your tone and everything when you write...it's simply beautiful.
<3 Jess
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Excellent
A very good poem giving Emphasis to the versatility of your
vocabulary . Quite a lot of unbridled
passion involved here too, nice flow good imagery
liked it a lot.Many thanks for your kind comments on
"Peter's Girl".I think you would like"Little Girl" or "The Twins" or failing that "Anna's Birthday"
Take your pick!!Best Wishes George (JUDMC) U.K. -
Beautiful writing. I got lost in this. Wonderful romantic piece. Well done indeed.
Love
Wayne Leon
x
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bravo
"the soul sees deeper than the eyes"...a great line here! A fine and a most romantic poem, very deftly done, indeed! bravo... bravo...
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W.O.W.E.E.!!
EXCELLENT! Favorite so far!
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as I read this
I feel as though I am going on an emotional journey with you, this is a very good write as you piulled me into your emotions well done poet!
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God, you know me...Smile.
Thank you so much for the lovely comment. -
It is easy to see contentment within your heart in this poem. You seem to have discovered passion and your poem is its vessel.
very pretty.
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"A mutual release, as we give homage
to each and every longing met within."
this is described in such a beautiful and tantalizing manner...
wonderful! -
Wow! This is a journey. A walk with you into the fantastic. If an allegory is a narative told in a series of metaphors (normally related) then what is then what do you call something that sirs emotions past a combination of serenity and romance? Shame this poem isn't just one word because you'd have redefined it.
DEZ
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ah by the fire of your veins, is that the river full of rum something to burn the spirit with in the cosy starlight
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Really good. I liked the style of how you written it. but the best part was the last sentence,"the truth has presented itself and the soul sees deeper than eyes of the heart." It showed that the heart is a vulnerable thing, and you presented it well.
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Grammar notes: line 5 "laying on desire's celestial meridian." this is confusing, but lie means to recline and lay is only to lay something down. You can't just lay. I always mess that up too. So line 5 should be "Lying on desire's celestial meridian". Also (and this isn't set in stone) I think it would flow better and be more grammatically accurate if line 10 "and give life, that which" used a colon instead of a comma, thus "and give life: that which". Then in line 16 you use 'then', but it should be 'than', because you're comparing two things. So that line should be "and the soul sees deeper than the eyes..." Think that's all the grammar notes!
You repeated a few words which I try to avoid normally, but the one that most stuck out to me was that you used "desire" twice. I particularly like the phrasing of line 5 "desire's celestial meridian" so I recommend changing the word 'desire' in line 13 (homage to each and every desire met within.) to 'longing', making it "homage to each and every longing met within." Other possibilities include "want", "hunger", and "craving". I think longing has a less lustful sound than those. It has an emotional side as well, and you want a word that satisfies both facets of need.
You also repeated the word heart but I feel that that flows with the poem and doesn't necessitate changing, although you could do so if you choose.
This poem is so beautiful. I'm astounded by your talent with words, and I really don't say that too often. You put phrases together in such unique and interesting ways that fill the reader's mind with a web of possible meanings and conclusions so fascinating to trace into endless possibilities!
Really great imagery too, like "desire's celestial meridian" and "to swim deliberately in this sensuous path". They set colorful, unique imagery in my mind.
I love the motif of depth you have going, from swimming to delving to collapses, it all breathes deep and circulates sweetly through your poem. And then you wrap it up beautifully with "the soul sees deeper than the eyes..."
You also show so much penetrating thinking here that I find myself reading and rereading just to savor all the delicious concepts and let your gorgeous phrasings melt on my tongue. "life: that which colonizes the spirits" great insight! And so many possible ways to take that... and then I read "the soul sees deeper than the eyes" which is such nice personification (a soul doesn't really see, does it? But it does in its own way). How one soul recognizes another, and how we perceive things our eyes cannot.
I'd love to go into so much more about what I've enjoyed here, but twould take far too much time! This is every bit as unique and inventive a poem as I've come to expect from your silver pen!
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Oh yes, there you go again . . . getting deeper and deeper into your inner be-ing and coming up with richness like this . . . I love this one Lady L!!!!
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The soul truly does see deeper than the eyes...
How that last line simply stated, pulls this out of ethereal delight and into the heart care of true sharing. This line: "desire's celestial meridian." Oh my my my. Now there is a place that women frequent and know within their hearts.
Beautiful writing. I enjoyed this a great deal and offer you, as I depart, another log to stoke your fire of wishes from the heart. Well done. ~Pamela
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Sensual and loving. To be in and part of that person is intense. Again great imagery.
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beautiful... sensual and with
a lot of depth... intense and very descriptive of far more of an emotional journey than a physical one...
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exactly...you really did get the "gist" of this poem! Thanks, for the awesome comment.
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Excellent
Very wise words, heart felt love can not be faked!
"BOO"
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Love It!
Awesome word flow and meaning within. Love how you ended this, powerful. Great job, and thanks for sharing here. All the best within the contest!
-Timothy
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a great opening two lines i think here, setting the pace for the rest of the piece - love's smiling in the spirit a good poem.
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Thank you for your beautiful entry, Josephine
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Work the lyrics Sis!
You are the mistress of romantic pen drippings sis. This is that smother in somthing delicious kind of write.
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a gurls gotta do, what a gurls gotta do...LOL
Thanks for the comment...you made my day.
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<
Richard, i'm a great admirer of your work...I'm often insecure of my writing, so to receive a positive assesment of this poem, by you...Means the world to me.
Thank you so much.
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