Warning!
You are an Idiot. So for your own saftey we have placed this warning label on your life. Breathing is not optional and should be repeated on a consistant basis. When energy is depleted, please close your eyes and your body, (Included in packaging) is designed to automatically switch to sleep mode. Deprivation of sleep mode may be dangerous or even fatal. DO NOT operate heavy machinery in this state. Whilst your body will need to be fed, please read packaging before ingestion. CHEMICALS ARE NOT RECOMMENDED. The bi-product of ingestion may smell and should NOT be re-ingested. Please dispose of this bi-product thoughtfully. Any air that is ingested will be turned into gas and should be expelled discretely as the expelling process may be noisy and or smelly. Your body will also need liquid on a regular basis and whilst some liquid is supplied in packaging these levels should be topped up AT YOUR OWN EXPENSE. The bi-product of liquid consumption can only be stored for short periods and should be emptied regularly. DO NOT CONSUME THIS BI-PRODUCT. Please keep your body away from extreme hot and cold. FIRE IS NOT RECOMMENDED. Please keep sharp edges away from your body. If damage occurs to your body it may be painful. If you experience pain please consult a qualified specialist at your own expense.
Disclaimer.
You are now on your own and we reserve the right to wave any legal responsibility to your life. We take no responsiblity for the maintainence of your new body. All acts undertaken after birth are the responsiblity of the owner of the life and we take no responsiblity for damage, dissapointment or pain, physical or emotional caused due to these acts. We take no responsibilty for the progress of your life. Negative experiences that may be included in your life may cause damage to the brain that is included in your body. If insanity is experienced due to this hardware/software incompatability the process of recovery may be long, expensive and unfruitful. This recovery is the responsiblity of the owner of the life we take no responsibility for the incompatablity of products included in this packaging. By undertaking this life you agree that you understand this product comes without instructions or set up manual and will most likely not emmulate what is shown on the packaging. We take no responsiblity for defective products and there will be no refund upon return. If you do not agree to the terms and conditions stated please take the umbilical cord provided and use it to cease air supply to your body.
A contest entry
- Warning Labels and Disclaimers by Ted E Bare.
300 points, ended October 6, 2007, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - your best work composed over the last twelve months by Lute.
600 points, ended January 9, 2008, 68 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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content-7.3
vocabulary-10.8
accuracy-7.3
creativity-7.7
theme-7.4
originality-7.8
totals-48.3
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I like how you made your own warning and disclaimer starting at life. The baby will now fully understand what is ahead of him/her for sure(lol). I want to thank you for entering my "Warning Labels and Disclaimers" contest.
Ted E
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Quite clever, my dear. You rock and I take your disclaimer seriously. I will stop consuming bi products immediately. Thank you
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Wow, I knew there was a manual that was supposed to come with a new baby but dammit the hospital must have stolen mine!
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Thought provoking
I really enjoyed this especially "we take no responsibility for the incompatablity of products included in this packaging. " That line is great!
Good luck in the contest! -
what a great Idea for a write and no mention of reproduction. Good luck with the contest. I think you're bound to do well
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EXCELLENT! I cant tell you how wonderful this is.. you hav a SUPER imagination.. rock on, sweetie, this was FANTASTIC! this was so amusing and so true, just absolute wow wow wow material! u deserve all the bunnies in the world
take care,
love and cheers,
shuvi
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haha well done and good luck
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This reads just a warning and a disclaimer, big words that any thesaurus would be proud of!
Good luck in the contest
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