Cut Me Deeper
My tragic little Razorblade Ragdoll,
So beautiful... So hideous
You missed the tendon that tugs my heart string,
And I find myself
Sadly
Still caring about the twisted soul staring
Through those sick green amphetamine eyes
Put the gun down honey,
We both know you're an overdose kind of girl.
I remember when first I lost myself
In our chemically induced affair
Your fingers became my belt loops,
And we shared hips, as you pulled me so close
That our figures became amorphous
And our form continuous
Melting together
Alloyed Lovers
You locked our lips, and threw away the key
And standing there on the brink of oblivion
This kiss was all we had
But later, cascading into that darkness
Warm and sweet like the first two drops of rain
On a muggy april eve,
We had so much more...
We layed there on the hood of my car, and twisted our legs
Like braided leather, and you wrapped yourself around me
Like crushed velvet...pretty and ruinous
And, in the throws of our passion
We wished upon each other's bones like stars
That here on this railroad, abandoned as though to mock us
One last train would come, so that we could catch a ride
Together always...
And though the sky was warm with the promise of sunrise,
Your eyes were cold with the threat of winter
And I wondered...
Grinding my nerves like teeth
How there could be so many stars in the sky, but not a spark
In those sick, green, amphetamine eyes...
Before I even
Ramming, slamming
Broke the door in
My shoulder blade portruding like a rock beneath my flesh
I knew where I would find you.
And darling, I caught you red handed
Crushed, like velvet
Crumpled, collapsed on the cold tile floor
Like a fallen angel,
Your love carved into your wrists like our names in the tree
Where we first lost ourselves
Your sap all over the pretty, white, linoleum
My tragic little Razorblade ragdoll...
Put the gun down honey,
We both know you're an overdose kind of girl.
And I promise to mend those broken wings...
Because I'll never give up on this love until it kills me.
Author notes
by Outryder
"Naked Peekaboo"
option 7
'man that kid made fucking up look cool'
to Rose Dark Thorn-
I hope you enjoy this, it's a bit longer than my other work, once I got started I couldn't stop myself, not quite like you described the story, but instead, through the eyes of a boy, dedicated to the broken girl, and trying to help her through. He has stuck around through at least one suicide attempt, a bit of drug use, and is trying to talk her out of another attempt as the story plays out to the reader.
A contest entry
- CONTEST {Shake} up my ♥beat and [[show me]] what r.e.a.l ~creativity~ is by Rose Dark Thorn.
650 points, ended September 1, 2007, 3 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - A Mess of Things! **7 Options** by TaintedBeauty.
600 points, ended September 1, 2007, 7 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - WeHaveToTakeOurClothesOff by MelissahhMidnite.
300 points, ended September 5, 2007, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - "Your Favorite Prewrite" by Virgoan.
500 points, ended September 3, 2007, 103 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Twinkle Twinkle little R.o.c.k star*** by PaintedParisPassion.
525 points, ended September 5, 2007, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - strung out && b r o k e n more than an old cassette by PaintedParisPassion.
600 points, ended December 24, 2007, 65 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Slain Dreamer by Ayla YellowRose.
1600 points, ended September 20, 2007, 30 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me your BEST of everything prewrites!!! by perfectsunset.
475 points, ended September 16, 2008, 79 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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Wow; this was an amazing dirty-pretty write.
Such beautiful language, and punctuation not overly done; just subtle & perfect for the picture you've painted in my mind here.
Excellent job!
Thanks for entering & best of luck
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ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo fucking sad and gorgeous!
i love it though♥ -
this is brilliant to me, its the kind of write i like, about tragic girls and destructive love, awesome.
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wow... I totally could see you breaking down the door... RAZORBLADE RAGDOLL! You keep your razorblades in a ragdoll... you should get a nice red velvet lined box like me... Makes for easier storage.. and less chances of babies razorblading their mouths....
J~~~ -
alllrighht
you entered both of my contests and i'm judging the second right now so you'll have another comment coming from me soon enough
thanks for entering
good luck in both
keep writing
keep sharing
:]
♥ -
we entered the same contest! lol. best of luck to you. i will have to read this now. let me know what i can do to turn mine into dirty pretty. for some reason, it is kinda hard for me to grasp it. or give me tips on how to turn it into dirty pretty. aawwwww. i love this poem. you soooo have to win this. mine is shells compared to your glorious poem. this is my favorite poem of yours for me. **sighs** alas, another day. another day
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you know i love it. made me feel soooo sad. are u still doing the contest with this one?
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I like the dose that this write gives to its readers. The words are good and the imagery is refine.
Thanks so much for participating in my contest. I wish you all the best. I encourage you to keep on writing my friend.
>>>VIRGOAN -
Wonderful work. Love it lots.
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Wow...
This is absolutely amazing.
I really am speechless.
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You know...I just noticed that you spelled my AP name wrong.
Wouldn't be the first time that happened to me.
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Wow...
This is most definitely dirty pretty at it's best. The flow of the story, brought it to live, and I saw your passion and her love etched upon her wrist like a tragic love story. I really enjoyed this piece, that I have to bookmark it. You have ah-may-zing talent, you are an amzaing storry-teller, and the mystery that revolves around your fingers, weaving this tale is something I shall discover!
♥
Adrie.
Keep it up! -
Wow, you definitely made me cry. This is so wonderful yet so tragic and sad. I really enjoyed this piece. In fact, there's not enough words to describe how much I enjoyed this. I love the form you used and how you allowed the story to unfold. Thank you for this entry, and good luck!
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I didn't expect anyone to follow the storyline exactly, but I was giving an example of the sort of story I wanted because that is exactly what I'm in the mood for.
I really enjoyed this. It's packed full of tender love and tragedy. It speaks volumes and waves of compassion and care for the broken girl, as if she is the most precious thing on earth to the speaker in this poem.
Your words and form are both very beautifully and used well .I'm actually kind of jealous. If I could write it like that, I'd never have writer's block again, but since I haven't written like this for over three months, it kind of has me stumped. I'm looking everywhere and anywhere for inspiration, and wow, darling, this entry is just gorgeous.
Thank you so much for entering my contest and making me feel it again. Hopefully I will have the talent one day. -
Good show
Yeah I enjoyed the poems length just long enough to get you into it without it over extending it's welcome upon the emotional state of your being
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dont apologize. this is very dark and sad. but indeed a wonderful read. great job
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You don't need to apologize for this piece at all. I think that it is a brilliant write. I enjoyed it very much.
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