Static in the sky
voices in the wind
bleeding polka dots
oozing through the clouds
whispering my name
the wind calls me
the static finds me
no matter where I go
the sun blinds me
pulls the prism of the clouds
through my bleeding eyes
the rays of light
pierce my brain
like the lobotomist's knife
I crave the cold night
the darkness and comfort
of the shadows' light
It calls me
It won't let me go
Author notes
This was inspired by a psychotic episode not long ago. I am among the ranks of the mentally unstable...but who isn't these days? Enjoy!
- Girl Interrupted group list • next in list
A contest entry
- A contest for the masses by Danneh.
600 points, ended October 4, 2007, 34 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Mental Afflictions by azlyn.
466 points, ended September 1, 2007, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - You Got a Problem You Just Can't Hide... by ILUVuBUTuDONTluvME.
475 points, ended September 7, 2007, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything by Madison Mary.
1000 points, ended September 18, 2007, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Your BEST Prewrite! - For Mike [degarmo] - by Never Fall in Love.
950 points, ended October 29, 2007, 130 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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amazing. keep writting.
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Wow this was excellent.
the descriptions you used made wicked visuals.
Wonderfully worded.
Awesome
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Sweet!!
This was trippy...
Great job!
This part pretty much kicked:
the rays of light
pierce my brain
like the lobotomist's knife
Pretty amazing if you ask me!
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splendid work in here!the title is simply amazing,very original,stricking right from the start!I love the atmosphere created as the whole poem bursts with emotional energy!well done!keep up!
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I enjoyed reading this write. I can definitely relate to the mental insanity of its theme. I think my favorite part was: "the sun blinds me, pulls the prism of the clouds through my bleeding eyes." Awesome imagery and abstract emotion!
Keep up the great work!!
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Don't deem yourself unstable because you are mentally ill. Being mentally ill only proves you have the ability to think. This poem is excellent, the rhyming is fantastic. The imagery was sharp, and powerful. In fact, I wondered if you'd based it on a painting? It gave me a headache! Keep writing, Meggh. p.s. Thanks for commenting on my work. Are you German yourself? I am a student studying the language.
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this is great writing, i can visualize the whole picture you are describing
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Wow. This is amazing. Very creepy. I cant find my favorite part though. The whole thing was my favorite!!! It's that good lol. Wonderful write. Good luck in that contest!
Megan -
wow. this is great. i love the last line though. it pulls it 2gether beautiful. and i love the word STATIC. lol. but this is an amzing piece!!!! good luck!
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Last line...it won't let me go. That says it all. Thank you so much for your entry and the honesty with which you wrote it!
Blessed be~
Az
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Thank you very much for your kind words on my work, I appreciate it! Cheers...blessed be
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Gods, I hope you're alright! The imagery in this poem is amazing, I nearly feel like I'm burning. Agian, I hope you're alright.
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I would agree there are many being treated for mental problems of one sort or another. I ay, never give up but keep on keeping on, so reality of life is clear to you and the choices you need to make. Thanks for sharing.
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It will never let you go..
YOu did a nice job here. A few mispelled words and such..
But other than that. Good job and thanks for entering
-Danneh<3 -
u have a continuity in your work..but tend to cut it short..
but it still is wonderful
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Liked the brevity of the lines, the flow and the visuals that come to mind when one reads this poem - the red print on black backgrounds fits well with this as well. Liked the title as well.
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Hmmm... Very interesting... and very different. Good imagery and nice language.
From your first few words you drew me in and you held me there... I just wanted to keep reading.
Good job!
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Very Well Written
Vierna dear this poem of yours says a lot about the pain and obvious darkness lurking... I can't say I completely understand psychotic behavior but what your poem says, is what it feels like, I've got no words nor I can pretend to say I understand, everything will be alright... I can't I won't... your words sure scare me to say so... you've done a brilliant job to show the truth to readers to understand such episodes better... thanks for sharing... You are right about one thing - who isn't crazy now-a-days, I know I am... take care Minoo
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You should put this on the reading list for the group. I can really relate to this, every line. And I like the part,
"the static finds me/no matter where i go/the sun blinds me/pulls the prism of the clouds/through my bleeding eyes"
because I've described the static to people and they didn't understand. Very very very very nice =]
I'm gonna bookmark it =D
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Thank you, It's on the list now.
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