"I'm not dead, just broken" she chants,
tears slipping down her face,
choking the words, a stone fist in her chest.
All is grey behind eyelids heavy and aching.
Yet she chants "I'm not dead, just broken".
A new mantra, thanks to pop / rock artist
Pink blaring in her ears.
On the empty streets of Melaka, she staggers alone.
Alone & hurting. Always searching for him.
Her love, her life, her doom.
The reason behind her every foray into romance.
Her demon knight, heroin, the driving monkey on her bowed back.
Today she found him. A mere glimpse,
a sliver of his utter destruction in another.
The glory of her triumph eaten away by the pain of recognition,
her badly healed scars burst open anew.
Sighting home, the tears, a private thing, cease
but still she chants "I'm not dead, just broken".
Author notes
My inspiration is part of the poem so....
A contest entry
- Options, heaps to choose from by ForgottenMemories.
650 points, ended September 17, 2007, 43 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - For those who have felt left out by Incroyable.
350 points, ended September 8, 2007, 10 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 28 of 28
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aw...
very sad. I felt every word and every verse. Very good job. awesome to simply but it. I like it very much. Also u do a very good job of keeping the readers' attention. most writers need rhyme to do such and u do a very good job of keeping my mind upon the poem and keep it from wandering cos i'm bored. Very good write
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Thanks
Bronze is great. I'm glad you liked the poem, it came from deep within. Thanks again.
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nice job, im assuming that the song by Pink is your inspiration. i like how you have everything laid out very nicely, and i really like how the girl seems like she is in deniel. i can tell that there is a lot of emotion in the piece as well. keep up the awesome work, and best of luck to you
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Wow! This was beautiful! You are definetally an amazing writer! I loved your poem, it had beautiful imagery and I could feel the emotions running through.
Thanks for entering and good luck!
Sleep-N -
Awesome Excellent Superb
There is even hope for the mentally dead not physically dead. Heroine crack cocaine or what does break you down and bend you over. When you referred to the posture with that monkey on her back images of this same thing this theme of yours came rushing back to my mind. Soul stirring experiences were revived as you penned the protest of one thought dead but just broken and can be repaired is an elevating thought which I have seen many bounce back from this living hell. The question is love an addiction and it can be placed there like that because some of us love the wrong things be it man woman or heroine crack alcohol. This was superb and you took such a concept and developed a message that is pregnant with rich wisdom. Thank you for sharing peace be upon you.
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A lovely critique. Thank you for seeing beyond the tears and her pain to the crux of the matter.
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Very vivid. This is amazing. I empesilly like the line where it says
"Her demon knight, heroin, the driving monkey on her bowed back."
Even though it's a sad poem theres still hope in it. You did a fantasitc god. Good work. This left me in 'Wowerz".
Keep Up the good work.
Kelsø -
Wow. You are an amazing writter!
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thanks, i always feel so intimidated here
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I know that feeling!!
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This is really wonderful and so sad. I can really relate to the whole I'm not dead, just broken thing. Wonderful job of telling such a sad story.
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Arigatou
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hmm
Anyone who's ever loved
anyone who's ever been alive for a minute
anyone... -
Aw...this was an amazing piece of poetry. Like it...it's really sad yet really great. Nice job!
Keep writing
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Thankee
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it's not a pretty picture......
but a vivid one. It appears she will “love it to death”. Good work.
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I think this is powerful.
This poem has an essence of intense pain and sorrow. I can feel the sadness in it and the dispair. My favorite part is the first verse, although all of it is well written. There is nothing awkward in this, and I would not change a word of it. To change it would take to much of the meaning away from these amazing words. "Just Broken" just the perfect title for this. Your first line sets up the interest in the poem very well, and the last line is the very one that fits in with it all. It was quite good.
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Wonderful Imagery.
Excellent Similes here as well as imagery. This also has a double meaning and I always love those types of poems.
Very well done!
John
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This is very vivid, I really love the message, you did a great job. Well written.
♥
whisper
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The glory of her triumph eaten away by the pain of recognition,
her badly healed scars burst open anew.
Gorgeous. Your imagery paints a poignant picture, certainly. I like how heroin is portrayed in this woman's mind... Its tragic, really, but I enjoyed reading of it.
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beautiful
this is a beautifully written piece.. The quote "im not dead, just broken." its a good base. And you usf it well
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this was amazig
this was so very deep
to me it is a person who suffers from addiction
i might be wriong but thats how i feel
i realy love this poem wonderfuly written
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It is an addiction but to a person,someone who brings pain and humiliation. Thank you for the kind comment
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So Sad
This is a great piece...so sad at the same time but your words flow smooth and the emotion is strong...very good write here!
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Such a tragic situation to be in, that seach for something that you know is not good for you, but is what you need to survive it seems at that moment. Good flow, liked the repetition of the title and the ending with the same words.
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I absolutely agree. Thank you for taking the time to comment on my work.
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this is heart-breaking and very, very dark.
i especially liked these words 'the tears, a private thing, cease'. my tears are a private thing too.
solid write
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Thank you very much. Its always great when one of my favourites likes something i wrote.
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