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What?

broken glass
is on the floor
from all the lies
the night before
turn the lights out
I can't take it anymore

an angry neighbor at the door
he's going to call
  the landlord
tell him I'm just
really bored.

Edgar Allan what?
I don't know what
you're talking about
put the lights out
we can't be too loud
let's rise above the crowd

"then and now"
and "nevermore"
how and when
like the poet said
he bores me to death
I keep his books under the bed
strangest stuff I've ever read

shhh!
how and when
  "nevermore"
lock the door!

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 8 of 8
  • sisyphus
    September 20

    Edit | Reply
    your rhythm's off, and that makes it difficult to read without being bothered by the piece's flow.

    i noted in the contest description that rhyming for the sake of following a format where it didn't add anything to the piece was not what i was looking for. i feel like you're restricting yourself in terms of format because without that you wouldn't know what to write. your words here seem to be more dictated by fitting into a format than by advancing the piece itself.

    finally, you don't really give me anything here that strikes me as being worth expressing. the plot here or whatever it is you're trying to get across is poorly conveyed and by the end of the poem i'm neither sure about what's going on or why i should bother rereading it.

    since this is anonymous i'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that you just had a bad day here or something. judging by the amonut of contest entries you have with this piece i'm going to also assume that you're actually concerned with winning contests or something. at the point where you're more concerned with that than with writing itself, your work is going to suffer. take a step back from all the silly contest stuff on here and try writing about something that's important.


  • BigE
    December 6, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Very unique, and an okay poem. I see a good try at flow but it lacks a static beat. I think this poem has some potential, however you would need to change a lot. Thank you for entering.

    PS I absolutly adore Edgar.

    Depth: 8
    Flow: 7
    Literary Device:7
    Comprehension: 9
    Total: 7.75


  • Norman Crabtree
    November 7, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for entering my contest!

    It had some really good points, but they were seperate... i just felt this was a couple of good poems trying to fight to become an average one.

    Good luck in the future.


  • Dark Whispers
    September 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    i have to say the title not so interesting and poe, wasn't really that good, the rhyme was too simple for my tastes


  • lilblueeyesmine1978
    September 18, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    nice

    i liked this very much and thaks for entering my contest good luck and i hope to read more from you soon


  • alexandrathegreat
    August 22, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Haha this was funny, I liked the plot, and all of it's silliness it spilled on me. lovely well done. Thank you for entering my contest!

1 - 8 of 8