she encompassed the closet
her too-flattering blue coat
wrapped around hangars
of the skeleton men she regaled
with dreams dead ten years
stories they never listened to
of fake friends that used to
smoke and old pets only half-
imagined as she emptied their wallets
and nutsacks, her scarlet rings
left for john to clean off before
his wife could find them
doing the same for free
Author notes
I may go back and edit this. Don't count on me remembering that, though.
I appreciate all thoughts toward this so long as they're honest.
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Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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wow I love this ...Excellent!
Amazing imagery..
Peace
~A~
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nice poem and you did a great job
hard to give pointers to improve
when the poem was great
Riftkin -
You used alliteration well here, I don't know if that was intentional or not. So many people overdo it. And then it's just annoying. It's when it's hardly there at all that it's the best. I liked the fake friends and half imagined pets as well, and the brevity of the piece. I'm trying to give you a critique because it sounds like you want one, but all I'm coming up with is praise! Shoot.
Nevermind. -
Wow what...? The What..? Worthless piece of somthing that resembles poetry hmm on its last leg puking its guts out this is not written well and i think its terrible..
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Hahaha, this poem may be garbage, but it's certainly better than anything you've written. I must've trashed something you wrote if you were willing to return the favor out of the blue.
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The last line is something to think about. Men these days. Well, some of them.
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