My body aches,
an enormous bruise.
But my movements
have been set on cruise.
As proof to the chains
in which I'm bound
I pathetically crawl
'cross the ground.
To the table
worn, wooden, old,
I open the baggy
that holds my White Gold.
A spoon, a lighter,
syringe in my hand,
tied off my arm
with a big rubber band.
Expecting the high,
my veins are on fire.
I curse God's name,
declare Him a liar.
Pits of ash,
sulfur chokes the air.
I'm decomposing from within,
being stripped bare.
A creature of brawn
lashes in hate.
I call out, "Help!"
He calls, "Too late!"
Years must have passed,
"It hurts don' it?"
"I can't take anymore-"
"That was only a moment..."
Author notes
Prompted by Idle Mind - http://allpoetry.com/Idle%20Mind%20Wondering
Prompt - Our moment in Hell.
For those of you who may find this poem confusing or hard to understand, I wrote this from a somewhat not-all-there point of view of a heroin addict who had died and his soul went to Hell where he's repeatedly tortured with his own drug of choice. Years and decades of pain and torture occur but then reloops and his mind remembers it as only being a single moment.
Also, my disclaimer: I am not addicted to Heroin and this is a purely fictional story (of course because the narrator is dead...)
Enjoy
In a list
A contest entry
- “Our Moment In Hell” by Idle Mind Wondering.
1300 points, ended September 24, 2007, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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what inspired this one. its such incrdible imagery. i can almost taste your pain
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omg, fucking amazing. I love it, shere brilliance nick. you paint such an amazing picture, always you do, pictures that form in my head that i couldn't even come near to creating myself.
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This poem is amazingly good. It really gives a lot of detail. Like you can imagine it. My mom is an addict so I can only imagine. Lol. But This poem could and will reach out to a lot of people to the point where it will change their lives. You are very talented and I know I'll be reading more of you poems.
Much Love <3 -
interesting that you are not an addict. well done
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You did one Hell of a great job with this piece.
I could feel it and not wish to live that again.
Riftkin -
Bloody Wicked
good write straight tens across the boards, keep it up... makes me regret not reading some of your other stuff. good luck in the contest.
Always in our hearts...Always too late...
Blessed Be ~White
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well by all means, do read some of my other work!
Thank you for your comment, I'm ecstatic that you enjoyed it.
-Nick
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One word: Beautiful!!!
Another word: Talented!!!
Advice: go change the words on your author's page, because shit poetry is NOT what you are writing!
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Hood-Winked!
Wow what a wonderful and dark write. The life of an addict is awful but to have to live it over and over again in mortal hell. Excellent imagery and emotions. I so enjoyed reading. You are very talented with the written word. Keep it up and never put your pen down.
You have just been Hood-Winked courtesy of the Poetic Bandits
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Hood-wink
You do have talent!!! The flow may have been a little off, but if I were you I wouldn't call my work "shit." This was really good and intense!!!
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Hood-Winked !!!!
Came to your page to do another hood-wink and found this beautifully written poem so deep and dark and so on the spot of addiction great writing I find here have a great day ...
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Hood-Winked!
Wow...this is really something! It's written so believable that it's a relief to read the author notes and know it's only fiction. You have a wonderful rhyme and rhythm in your poetry. Normally I have a difficult time reading poetry that isn't split into stanzas, but this is smooth all the way through and it would have (I think) not been as powerful a read if it HAD been split up. Even the shorter lines worked really well in this, and tell the story wonderfully. Great job on this!
Best wishes,
~J.
P.S. You have been HOOD-WINKED by a Poetic Bandit! (Again)
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Master piece of a write
Wow I love your write, So powerful and dark, your words seemed to call me. A very interesting piece. I enjoy your style. LISA
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Excellent
A wonderful take on this prompt. Loved this from top to bottom. Well done. ~Pamela
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A strong and very powerful poem. I loved the short sentences, they added to the fast pace of this piece. An amazing poem!
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Fantastic work.
Very well done and it was not hard to understand, its an interesting view from an addict.
Keep up the great work.
Lexi -
loved it just like always keep at it nick
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wow this is amazing! i love it u did a great job.
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"Expecting the high,
my veins are on fire.
I curse God's name,
declare Him a liar."
Excellent work ... seems like one of your best. I got it right the first time ... but reading it a second time made it all too enjoyable. One thing though, I don't know how much of a liar God is ... I'm just confused (not with your poem, but myself) with the whole part since .. at times ... I don't feel like he exists... but that's all down to opinion.
I think the ending fit beautifully and reading your rhyme and flow is refreshing ... something I don't normally feel with other rhyme writers ...
Excellent nick,
NeveR ♥
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I got it
You did a good job with the description in your write. Your words are like gold...you are very good at expression; rather fiction or truth!
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