What of the grotesque
Embodies power above the mighty one?
In the lips of a prayer
Or a beat of the heart,
One can surpass a mountain's glory
With no effort or triumph thereafter.
It's the little pieces, picked up and moved,
That can be said,
shaken, forsaken
That will conquer the world
And all the mice in it.
Trace it back to the little guys,
The ones who sit alone at night,
Teary eyed, wings battered and broken.
This isn't the world that they had chosen,
But the one in which they aim to fix.
Author notes
The little guys are behind the scenes every day, mending what we break. You must show appreciation for them before life will allow you to emerge from your matted little cacoon.
A contest entry
- PIF - Metaphor Mania!!! (Prompt) by Mad Moon.
600 points, ended September 8, 2007, 13 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
...and BAM!! This one reaches right out and slaps you in the face. The second stanza ROCKS!! The whole poem does. I especially like your stellar use of poetic devices, such as "shaken, forsaken...." Nice internal rhyming and assonance here. "The little guys...." They exist everywhere, in all genders and races, in all walks of life, and all vocations. You have really captured some deep thought with this one! Love the meaning and message behind this. So much power in these lines, as well. Very Well Done, poet!! Thanks so much for the entry, and Good Luck!
-
I liked the title and imagery
I liked the title and imagery, it pulled me in to think
deeply, I got a little lost with the little guys, who?
angels or our sweet children or the mice?
because of the title grotesque, I would have amended
the word mice to lice, as lice are so grotesque.
I felt the hidden meaning and beauty of it more clearly
in your authors notes.
You are a cutting writer, just a little more clarity
to help it flow so we get your message in our face as I can see you have the power &words to do.
Thankyou for sharing with us all to enjoy!
ears2hearyou
Kathleen
. Rewarded 8
-
WOOOAHHhhHHH!!!!
OMG, this was an amazing poem, most likely one of the best that I have read on this site! I really enjoyed the actual metaphore portion afterall life is a metaphore in general! This deserves to win the contest, I will be shocked if it doesn't! The idea behind it also is monumental and true to itself. No one ever stops to think about the people behind the scenes, the people who make everything happen whilst the higher-ups get all the credit for their doings and successes. Great Job! BEst wishes and continue on, fight against the current, change the world, make it into the world of dreams and fantasies that so many dream, so that one day we can look back and realize what fools we all have been to follow the higher-ups, not realizing the the few are outnumbered my the trillions.
. Rewarded 8
-
first impression? This may be too deep for me.
unless you're saying the victory is in the details and the most important things may not seem relevent at first. How far off am I?
. Rewarded 4
Adding your comment:
