I fell in love with…
The man with callused hands
Whose touch is like ice
And it sends chills through my veins
I fell in love with…
The man with lips so soft
Whose kiss is liquid fire
Raging passion and burning desire
But mostly…
I fell in love with…
The man with the eyes
That scorch my soul
And see through my every word
The man with the eyes
That are dark and wise but never cold
The eyes that I see each day
The eyes… that made me fall in the beginning.
Author notes
um... i hope this is okay... i dont write free-verse... and i just started experimenting with it...
http://allpoetry.com/poem/3702064
A contest entry
- for the poets who think they can write imagery (pw allowed) by abuyi.
1200 points, ended January 24, 2008, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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Ahh yes, I too know what it is like to fall into such eyes. The way they peer at you and just know without ever uttering a word all that need be said. They intringue and mesmerize like none other. Thank you for entering. Best of luck to you!
Blessings
Bel
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This is really nice it has some great imagery too. I wish you the best of luck in the contest and hope you've enjoyed this first day of the new Year cara
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nice imagery, its kinda light dark write..
thnaks for entering my contest..i enjoyed reaidng it, please state which poem you commented from this contest as you were the first entry
best of luck
abuyi
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ok. the poem i commented on is in my notes. and thanks for reminding me... i had almost forgot
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I have some suggestions for this poem!
First of all, I I felt that this was truly well written!
#1
I fell in love with…
The man with callused hands
Whose touch is like ice
And it sends chills through my veins
I would had said " that sent " chills through my veins!
#2
I fell in love with…
The man with lips so soft
Whose kiss is liquid fire
Raging passion and burning desire
I would have said " with a " raging passion and desire!
#3
and again I would have said!
I fell in love with…
The man with the eyes
That scorch my soul
And see through my every word
" and saw " through my " very " world!
#4
and lastly I would have said!
The man with the eyes
That are dark and wise but never cold
The eyes that I see each day
The eyes… that made me fall in the beginning.
that " were "
" yes " the eyes...
the eyes that made me fall from the very beginning!
I loved the purity of the idea!
I hope that I have not offended you with my suggestions!
~ James ~
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i am sorry i forgot to comment you back on this!! i was reading thru some of my old comments!
&& i just wanted to say thanks and i will consider making these changes.
you have no offended me in any way.
-Phenix
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I thought you wrote this really well!
I really enjoyed that stanza...I fell in love with...
the man with the eyes..that scorch my soul.
lovely imagery there!
good good job!
ears2hearyou
Kathleen : ))
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I particularly like the first verse 'the man with the calloused hands' it adds interest also the contrast of chills and fire suggesting fear and excitement. good luck!
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Wow
This is good , I never found free verse hard to do , in fact it is the only way I write on a normal basis, interresting to see that others have to try at it as I do with form poetry, I wish you great luck and success in your growth of free write world
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i fell in love with the man you speak of, at leasy his image!
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I like it. I'm not sure about free-verse and I'm also trying it out a little. But back to your poem: I enjoyed reading it and the 'story line' pulled me along. My favourite stanza was the last but one -
I fell in love with…
The man with the eyes
That scorch my soul
And see through my every word.
Well done. Keep it up.
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Awesome.
The imagery in here is so awesome! I love your oxymorons. -
Good write
This is one of those poem that grab you. I want to meet the man with those beautiful eyes, too. LOL Not bad for your first free verse.
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WOW! I am extremely impressed. It was awesome. It was so vivid in its imagery and it just put butterflies in my stomach. I realized I have felt this way before. About a certain someone...
It just blew me away. I'm gonna bookmark this! Sweet write!
these were my favorite parts:
*Whose touch is like ice
And it sends chills through my veins
*Whose kiss is liquid fire
*The eyes… that made me fall in the beginning.
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The man with the eyes
That are dark and wise but never cold
The eyes that I see each day
The eyes… that made me fall in the beginning.
the eyes are the best thing about someone
Riftkin -
Great job on the free verse I love the flow and the imagery is grand sounds like the love bug has bitten careful about those eyes.... great read
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great
very mysterious, and it like its going from bad kinda to good, thanx for entering -
This is a nice write and I really enjoyed it! It's very thoughtful and romantic. I liked your imagery and wording. My favorite lines are:
I fell in love with…
The man with the eyes
That scorch my soul
And see through my every word
Your last verse is great also! The whole poem flows very well.
I think you made excellent use of the title! You did a great job! Thank-you very much for entering my contest!
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