Running, escaping from my safe captivity
longing to be lonely and to hear
his soft voice whispering in my ears once more
teaching me how to feel
my aching tone losing its sound
and as the terrorising beauty fills my eyes
they start to water
like a fish tank that's leaking
unwillingly dripping down
like a sea who's lost its waves.
Only I have found the will to cry.
Author notes
I went to listen to Muse by the sea one day, the waves were HUGE and singing along, I cried.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Superb
A very fine write it 'tis. You have expressed your thoughts quite well. Thanks for sharing this one with us. -
wow
What a captivating poem! Really describes how intense your love for someone can really be. Plus..Muse rocks! haha
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Muse sure does rock!!! Thanks for the comment!!
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i love it
love love love love it!! and you know it!!
fav line 10
ana
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I'm a little bit speechless...This poem really makes me think and I love that about it. It is so beautifully written but there is so much emotion in it that it really strikes you. I must have read it 8 or 9 times and each time I saw something new in the words. It is sooo poetic too. I hope that doesn't sound silly. I just mean that the flow and alliteration are so perfect. It wouldn't surprise me if I was reading this in a really famous poetry book some day. I'd just be really happy for you!
Ellie xx
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It doesn't sound silly at all. No I'm the one that thinks I don't deserve your words of praise!!
Maria xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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Applaud
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Maria, Wonderful piece you penned here and I love the alliteration. I have listened a few times to those songs you sent me from Muse and I can see how they would bring you to tears. It sounds like the concert was awesome, though not as awesome as your words writen for it. I will always "Rave On" for my sweet niece "Ray Von". Your writing just keeps on getting better and I love the green background you chose here. Being Irish it is my favorie color. LOL Thank you for sharing with all of us. Love always, Auntie Joyce xoxoxoxoxo
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Wonderful Poem
Hi Maria, You have penned a lovely poem here. Very heartfelt and filled with emotions. Let that muse keep writing. Your imagery was lovely. A delight to read this morning. Thank you for sharting. You take care, Sandy
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I think that your ending is the strongest, really nicely done. I would have liked to see a bit more meat in the beginning but still, it is a well done piece.
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I like the idea of almost choosing to cry, and the contrast between this and the word "unwillingly". There are quite a few interesting contrasts in this, looking at it again, like "safe captivity" and "terrorising beauty". Possibly "loosing" should be "losing". I really like the penultimate line in particular. Good luck in the contest!
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this is great. i love the emotions as they fly off the screen. great job.
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