You pain my envious head
I want you
I'll fall from joy into your arms
Your rage enlightens me
My trembling fingers grow cold in fear
Your eyes inspire me
to the point of sliding down, weak
Your voice frightens me
I lie in your cave in agony
waiting for you to come
to come and take me away
to show me your dirty deeds (as in killing)
which you call of love
I'll fight to survive your blows
because this admiration which I feel for you
is so strong it makes my mind forget myself
Tomorrow will be a new day
but you will still pain my envious head
and I will still want you
My Love
Author notes
from the point of view of someone that loves him. This is pure fiction.
A contest entry
- To Love a Serial Killer by SMGriffin.
1000 points, ended August 22, 2007, 11 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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ohhh wowowowow! To the comment below, pinks an amazing color and I'm glad you picked it. 'Tis my favorite color.
BUT ANYWAY. This poem..wonderful. I don't know what else to say..it needs NOTHING but compliments. Great job. Keep up the awesome work!
Tori -
For the most part I like this...just going to start with the grammical errors, 'cause we all have 'em and hate 'em.
Line 9; I really didn't understand..."I lie your cave in agony"...is it meant to be, " I live your crave in agony" or something? 0.o
Line 15: "because this admiration which I feel for you"...I think maybe it should be "that" to keep with the impact of the poem."
Line 17: "but you still pain my envios head,"..."envious" is what you mean...
Overall, I like it for the most part...I don't know, it felt abridged sort of...it felt like you wanted to censor yourself maybe...and you shouldn't. You have good works, many important things to say, you need not hold back...I promise.
To love a serial killer...hm, this is interesting and dark...
My only question...if it's dark, why is the background pink? 0.o -
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Woops. Line 9 was supposed to be: I lie in your cave in agony.
And as for line 15, I'm Spanish, so that's just me being influenced by other lanugages and forgetting my english.
And line 17, thanks, I hadn't noticed!!
You are right, why is the backround pink??
Thanks for the comments!
Maria
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Well it certainly fits the contest description. Love the don't-quite-go-together images (enlightening rage, etc.) Their contradictory nature is perfect for the idea of loving a murderer. Well done.
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A poem full of passion!
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wow........i dont even know what else to say.
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