Sitting on a rock to watch the dawn
Cover Riverside, after staying up
All night (a dim-faced clock nears "five"), I yawn
And stretch and wait to see the invert cup
(That years ago glowed blue) fill with shades
Of brown and ochre. Stars don't disappear--
They haven't shown for too, too long. Light abrades
A vague horizon, chafes two eyes that blear
At struggling dots--mercury streetlights thread
The smoky haze. And they choke and die
Like suffocating spots of cooling lead
Dripping from a soldering iron's eye,
Dropping into dust and smoke to die.
Sitting on a rock to watch the dawn
Discover Riverside, I stand straight up
When the gold-faced clock chimes five, a muffled yawn
From City Hall breathed into mists that cup
Cool pre-dawn blue. A silent hill shades
The city's heart ... and shadows disappear,
Slow, almost too slow. The shift abrades
No eyes; but golden veils of mist still blear
Vivid twinkle-dots that link a thread
Of boulevards. Rose-pinks-now-white die
To vibrant spots of dawn, daylight led
In triumph through the streets to greet each eye--
And no one notices when night-stars die.
A contest entry
- A Quickie Contest...... Rhymning (720 points) 48 Hours Extending it a bit longer! by Heavens Child.
600 points, ended August 24, 2007, 47 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Sun Shines Through a Rainy Day by anaisnais.
300 points, ended September 12, 2007, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PRE-WRITES WITHOUT TROPHIES ONLY by lindaburns.
1300 points, ended December 13, 2007, 31 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
-
Comments by Judge
My favorite line is “And no one notices when night-stars die”. It sounds like you might have been there and done that. Good work. Thank you for entering my contest.
-
Excellent
Very well done. A creative and wonderful flowing pecie. Best of luck in the contest.
-
Watching the dawn is such a gorgeous sight. Thank you for sharing this lovely piece and entering it in the contest.
-
Bravo!
Nothing more really need be said. This is a masterpiece, Micol.
A60sMan
-
This poem (again like my favorite authors) is a poem I would like to keep with me and read again and again! I like the lines (too many favorites to list) and I like where they take the reader. And the way the city awakes is mysterious and memorable. Good luck in the contest!
-
had to read it again it is so good.
a miracle of a poem. I could never write this
controlled beautiful piece. -
-
Thanks. This one 'really happened' almost as it is described. Riverside, California, at dawn on a smoggy morning, after I had been awake all night, too tired to want to do anything, too full of nervous energy to go to sleep. That left watching dawn happen. Even Riverside was beautiful at that hour.
-
-
imbue me/ cue me/put me in your heart
You are so Frostian. You are a weaver. I wish you would give me more in your poems. I wish you would give me some of yourself. You are afraid of yourself. Your poems hide you. For you, personal pronoun would be hard because I fear you would go to areas of your heart where you have never been. It would please me for you to do so because you have been writing form and exposition in every poem I read, but not interspersed with you. You are so controlled. I find your poems and the discussions with you the greatest I have ever had and you know why? Because you are so ego less as to actually listen to me. I am all ego. I love myself. I have since six years old. I left home at fourteen because I knew I had more than my family. I have never never looked back except to love them in ways that they will never know. Try this, write your next poem by permeating in your mind each of your gorgeous stanzas with I am here in my description and how do I feel about what I am writing. Run the thought concurrent with the exposition and try once in a while entering into the picture you write. "In Cold Blood" - author said "I had to actually get outside of myself to see myself writing the book in the motel near the prison, in order to keep perspective on the story" You are turning into a friend I cannot do without. Thank you for being there. Michael Thomas
-
Intriguing, most, I especially liked;
Cool pre-dawn blue. A silent hill shades
The city's heart ... and shadows disappear,
Slow, almost too slow. The shift abrades
No eyes; but golden veils of mist still blear
as well as; suffocating spots of cooling lead
This interesting write inspired me to do a quicker write on a subject it reminded me of , for whatever reason. so, thanks Micol!
http://allpoetry.com/poem/show/3325666
Adding your comment:
1 - 9 of 9
