Paint me a picture
I'll write you a poem
Oh what a mixture
Us sharing a home
Having a baby
Then we'll be three
Then just maybe
They'll let us be
Together forever
Always in love
And I will never
Place myself above
Your needs and your feelings
The beat of your heart
I promise you darling
We'll never be apart
Author notes
Written in the winter of 1985
A contest entry
- The Best and The Worst by Epilogue.
550 points, ended August 29, 2007, 32 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Something Old Something New Rhyme by piccola.
600 points, ended April 27, 2008, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Share Your First Poem by Judith Chandler.
525 points, ended April 26, 2008, 6 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Before & After by Loki.
2280 points, ended March 12, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Rewrite: http://allpoetry.com/poem/5080311
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It's a touching sort of write, naive but nice. I hope it did work out that way. Looks like it might have. It's brought the beginnings of a tear to my eye.
Thanks for submitting this piece to my contest. -
Just had to pop by and take a peek at someone else's first effort!
Lovely simplicity here, but your reader can feel the depth of feeling in your words, for sure.
...Did you ever give the lady in question this poem? I'm sure she would have been tickled with it.
This is a great first poem. Well done, and I'm delighted you went on to write more.
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Glad you popped by.
Yes I did give it to her and here 20 years later I still write of her.
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This poem says a lot i a very simple structure. It is very clean and concise- i admire that. thank you for entering but i do need you name or screen name in author's notes to judge.
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Very beautiful poem you have here dear! As always a joy to read...
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One of the very first I ever wrote.
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