Truckstop eye candy
But you wanted to be a model
How much for a bite?
I see you fell quite short
Of your neon dreams
Your heels walk
KLIK KLAK
And all the boys can think
Is how much better you'd look
On your back
In the back of their cars,
Or your skirt pulled up
Your face pressed down on the hood
Off in an alley, or out in the woods
Maybe in a cheap motel room
Far from your neon dreams
Main street Madame
But you wanted to be an actress
I have a couch for you to cast on
I see you fell quite short
Of those silly neon dreams
Your skirt moves
SWISHES SWAYS
And all I can think
Is how much better you'd look
If I could stop worrying
That tomorrow I'll find you
Dead by the highway...
And so far away from your neon dreams
Street walking seductress
But it hasn't been so bad...
You only ever wanted to look good
And between the blackened eyes
You did a damn good job
Even if it wasn't your neon dream
Author notes
Not sure if this is what you want, if not, no worries just DQ it, I don't need a new face torn for me today, nor do i feel deserving of it, lol
*edit* felt I should explain a little, written from the perspective of a returning "john" who has developed a deeper connection with the prostitute, that encompasses both love for her, and loathing for the fact that she will never be just his... maybe too cliche... sorry
A contest entry
- Cracking Plastic Spoons Reminds Her Of Nothing by Exodus.
600 points, ended August 26, 2007, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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I really like this one- it almost made me blush w/ the whole business about:
"all the boys can think
Is how much better you'd look
On your back
In the back of their cars,
Or your skirt pulled up
Your face pressed down on the hood
Off in an alley, or out in the woods
Maybe in a cheap motel room
Far from your neon dreams"
I thought your metaphors and descriptions were really clever. Especially w/ the use of onomatopoeia (or however you spell it) i thought that was quite cool.
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Wow, I loved this.
I felt that the imagery and vocabulary and metaphors were outstanding.
I especially like when you refered to sounds;
Swishes sways and Klik klak.
I enjoyed reading this a lot.
Great job and Good luck! : -
Very lovely. I had a word in mind to describe this, but now I can't think of what it was. It felt very real to me, the way something on this subject should be..because not every lives the same way...and even if we feel prostitution is a miserable way to live, that may not be the case for everyone. I like how you portrayed this piece and the story.
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I loved two of the lines in particular; "Main street Madame" and "Street walking seductress". Great use of alliteration.
The poem is certainly helped by the edited explanation, and once I read it I read the whole piece again.
Some very interesting imagery. Thanks and good luck
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Very visual. You have a tough tone to your write, but seems appropriate as "the john. You really have a gift for story-telling ... even for hard-to-tell stories.
I enjoyed the read. Good luck in the contest! ...JustBreathe
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You are a very visual poet and I'm glad you enticed me to view your works with a title that ticked me off. LOL I have enjoyed each poem read. This one has sarcastic undertones but doesn't trick me. I see the need in these words to fix this lady of the night, pull her off the streets and help her accomplish those "neon dreams". I am a Thespian and have never seen a casting couch. LOL I think it's fictitious. LOL Great poetry once again. You have "the gift". Use it or lose it. Very impressive work. I wish you well in the contest.
Renee
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