An ocean lapped at a sandy shore,
while in her depths were a loving score
of dolphins and groupers, whales and sharks,
offering fishy love with all their hearts;
but for those fish the ocean wouldn't stir
though she charmed the fish, they charmed not her!
From groupers and whales and sharks she’d fend
for she'd set her heart on the warming wind!
Her most revealing ~ very appealing
fancy she could bend -
"If I can stupor, a shark or grouper
why not the warming wind?"
The dolphins knew that her mind was set,
while a score of fish expressed regret.
The sandy shore knew she couldn't win
and her rising tide warned Her of Him ...
Palm trees would whisper ~ “He’ll come and go”,
gently Her waves would caress His blows,
though with each breath, he'd chase her foam
back to the beach that she called home ...
Then concealing ~ all his feeling
He'd go away again -
So the ocean learned that she'd be spurned
when she reached out to him ...
© 2007 Joy A. Burki-Watson
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Author notes
Option #6 combined with option #2
A contest entry
- metaphor! metaphor! metaphor! I've been very literal, lately by ellipsist.
433 points, ended November 15, 2007, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Does the Ocean break upon your Heart? by Flames-of-Furey.
488 points, ended February 11, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The sea by Farewell My Lovely.
650 points, ended July 13, 2008, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
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Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Excellent. Kind of sad but very funny. I don't know GIlbert and Sullivan well enough to comment on the likeness but that doesn't matter because it's a very good poem in it's own right. A good example of unrequited love
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wow beautifully written.
metaphical imagery was great and your structure was interesting. Thankyou for placing options in authors notes. good luck in my contest -
"offering fishy love with all their hearts;"
ROFLMAO
sorry if that offends, I truly hope that is the effect you were going for!
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I assume that in your accent wind and fend rhyme, it can't work for me and as those are the key couplets it rather spoils what is a rather clever piece.
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One hand clapping
Is this to be taken at face value ... or "Does the road 'wind' uphill all the way ?"
One will have to nail down your magnet without appearing fishy to avoid any argument concluding
"So the ocean learned that she'd be spurned
when she reached out to him ..."
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Uncanny and clever how closely you followed the scheme and the theme. I love the poems like this that deliver the story with some pizzazz. Excellent work my friend.
Sincerely,
Leo Long
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