Child's View Of War and Daddy Heroes
CHILD'S VIEW
Daddy got all dressed up
In his soldiers clothes
Kissed me and
Mom goodbye
I didn't let him see me
Go behind the tree and cry
I really didn't want him
To go away from me
He put me on his knee that day
He said he hoped
I would take good care
Of mommy and be very very brave
Mommy said ,Daddy was going far far away
Cause some kids parents over
In another land had this poison and some gas
They might be bringing it over here to the USA
Daddy tried to help me understand how come
Their daddies were hiding That chemical stuff
My daddy raised me good
He taught me not to mess
With the medicine in The cabinet
he always
Told me not to point a gun at anybody
I won't lessen I see that old sad-dam
Mommy isn't holding up too good
I think
I have tried to help her out
I've I even been carrying the trash out
Like daddy has always done
Mommy hasn't even had to tell me
To get my homework done
I think she is missing daddy cause
When Came home today she had his picture out
She was sitting at the kitchen table
Had the radio on told me
That it was playing her and daddy's favorite song
I got into a fight on the school bus today
I will keep that to myself
It wasn't my fault anyway
Everybody on the bus heard
What Daniel had To say.
He told me my daddy is just
one of Bushes thieves
He said they had Just gone to war
For the stupid oil
I told him my daddy loves me and mom
He has Just gone to protect our home
He doesn't know how it hurts
To have your daddy gone
Guess I got Too angry and shouldn't have pushed him down
But my daddy's across the world
Fighting for Uncle Sam
I just hope he doesn't get hurt
And doesn't have to die
I want him to always be my hero
But most of All I want him alive
Do you think you will share this long poem?
Comments
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Okay
line 5 "I didn't let him see me, go behind the tree and cry." It was good lines but it sort of didn't flow with the rest ryhtm was thrown off not to say bad but, it happens a lot in my poems you did free verse so need to go out of way for rhymes.Line 18 "Their daddies were hiding that chemical stuff" it might be better to say they were hiding the chemical stuff might have just been typo.Line 19,20,21 don't fit "My daddy raised me good, he taught me not to mess, with the medicine in the cabinet he always" it not good for poem flow not to mention grammtical erorr. line 33 "when came" should be when I came.That's the end of my critical review you did good fix those areas some other didn't flow with the whole entierly but, flowed with stanza so I just take it as that the vocabulary was also from a child point so I thought that was good thing to do fit theme of it.Good Job work on those parts.Yes i did read it no takey points away for honesty.
